~The Music of My Life~

Friday, January 30, 2004

Then There Was Polly?

Ok so I just saw this movie called Along Came Polly and it was pretty disgusting yet funny and had a couple of good... I can't say morals but lessons about such. I went with Job, Mike, and Kate and afterwards we played a few arcade games. I raced Job on the mopeds once and then 3 times on the cars and I won every time. I have a big hunch he let me win but nonetheless it was much fun. I also saw Zack Baron with all of his little friends *rolls eyes* Almost all of them had the audacity to approach me and say 'Hey, I know you' like because of it they'll become instantly popular. Zack looked at me and smiled to his friends. No doubt reminding them at one point we were 'together' or whatever that thing was we had for a little while. Runty 8th graders knowing a pretty Junior is a bit of a popularity boost I supposed and yes, I just referred to myself as pretty and it's not going to happen a lot so remember this moment.

It's just... I came home from the movies and I felt sooo pretty because of the way Job treated me. He was so respectful to me the whole night, opening doors and always letting me go first and he even bought my ticket and a couple of me arcade games. Not like I'm keeping tabs or anything but it makes up for my mom buying his Snoball ticket but we won't go into that because not only is it a thing of the past but also to remember it was partially my fault on the lines of miscommunication and that's definitely you need two people to do unless you're a skitzophrenic, well even then, idk... But yea, it really felt sincere, him being such a gentleman unlike past bfs who've done that just to make themselves look good and then if their friends saw it justify their "being whipped" with the excuse 'I don't see you getting any'. Which would be a lie if a guy ever said that in reference to me because I don't give any guy any. :p

So I have to clear a few things up, I'm sorry I stopped the personal things. I just think if I have anything to say I'll just say it along with everything else because it'll end up being said anyway. Emily, I must apologize you've been such a loyal friend to me. When I was writing about people talking behind my back I really only meant one person, Andy Taylor. I actually spelt his name wrong on accident as a new joke, but shhhh. Andy Tardo, I think it's very befitting. The reason I phrased that the way I did (by leaving out his name) is that I couldn't be incriminated for writing about him. I could just say it wasn't him and that it was someone no one even knew. Heather I think I know what you were talking about in your blogger, does it have anything to do with your family because then I have a pretty good idea because the way you wrote of it made it sound pretty damn important and I know your group of friends would never give you an ultamadum between themselves because we're all friends. Ahhh, deductive reasoning, what a lovely little thing. Well now I must leave. I'm on Sarah's pc and she managed to fall asleep on the couch so I'm going to let her have her room back.

Mandy ~ 11:23 PM

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Miss Mandy Marie...

That's my porn name, that I just created even though I'm not really a porn star. I decided in tribute to the conversation I had with Chris and some of one I had with Heather tonight that I'd copy it down for all to read. First the part about how the porn name came into being.

~Mandy~ says:
and i was like damn, if i were to become a pornstar i'd need a name first
~Mandy~ says:
so he came up with it
~Mandy~ says:
but i never use it
Chris says:
i think mandy marquardt would be a good porn name...although we should change the last name
Chris says:
to something more befitting
~Mandy~ says:
hey, i could throw my middle name in there and take out the last and then no one would know who i am (the real reason one makes a porn name, or any other fake name for that matter)
~Mandy~ says:
miss mandy marie
Chris says:
yeah! thats good
Chris says:
lol, you got the idea down
~Mandy~ says:
:p and now it's all my own
Chris says:
haha, see, we can give you your very own porn name
Chris says:
here at pornnamesbychris.com
Chris says:
lol
~Mandy~ says:
hahahahahahaha

This next part is dedicated to my love of cuddling Chris, and yet it starts from the conversation with Heather.

~Mandy~ says:
he is the best
~Mandy~ says:
*sigh* i wished i liked him
take my hand, take my whole life too, cuz i can't help fallin in love with you says:
you dont?
~Mandy~ says:
not like that i don't
take my hand, take my whole life too, cuz i can't help fallin in love with you says:
thats too bad
~Mandy~ says:
yea
~Mandy~ says:
i go for the jerks
take my hand, take my whole life too, cuz i can't help fallin in love with you says:
maybe you should break that habit
~Mandy~ says:
i should
~Mandy~ says:
but right now
~Mandy~ says:
the next name on the list is
~Mandy~ says:
hold on let me get it
~Mandy~ says:
it's actually a book now
take my hand, take my whole life too, cuz i can't help fallin in love with you says:
lol!
~Mandy~ says:
that's my cockyness for the week :p
~Mandy~ says:
is: Job Morton
take my hand, take my whole life too, cuz i can't help fallin in love with you says:
whoohoo!!!
take my hand, take my whole life too, cuz i can't help fallin in love with you says:
congradulations job!!!
take my hand, take my whole life too, cuz i can't help fallin in love with you says:
congratualtions*

Then after I copied that from the conversation for Chris as something funny for him to read this happened...

Chris says:
yeah, but i still need my fix of cuddle time
Chris says:
hahaha, sorry
Chris says:
kinda sounded like an addict there
~Mandy~ says:
it's ok
~Mandy~ says:
me too!
Chris says:
haha, ok we can get our fix tomorrow then when job is not around...seeing as you are not cool with that
~Mandy~ says:
a couple of weeks later in the band room after school: *amanda walks in the band room hand in hand with job* *she looks around nervously and says* 'one second job i have to uh, get something from the storage room' *amanda hurridely walks into the storage room where chris is slouched on the floor* 'oh chris' 'amanda!' *they clasp their arms into their addictive cuddling to get their fix*
~Mandy~ says:
'whew, didn't think i'd make it that time' 'i didn't either amanda, you made it just in time'
Chris says:
lol, that would be awesome
Chris says:
hahaha

So I'd copy all of the conversation I had with Chris and how when we cuddle it's the best even though we're just really good friends and I'm even trying to see about this guy, Job whom I went to Snoball with but it's just complicated and long and basically it boils down to a basic fact I've known for quite some time even if it wasn't said:

Chris is a great guy and for as long as I've known him he's always been the way he is. Even right now as I write this simplistic fact in here I know Chris is going to read it at some point and be extremely touched and all the better because that's how he makes me feel. He's my best guy friend and the best one I've ever had and probably ever will, thanks hun!

Mandy ~ 11:32 PM

No School! Well Sort of...

Today the first two hours of school was cancelled because of the extremely cold weather and we already know in advance the same tomorrow. So I slept in those extra two hours although I did accidentally wake up by my internal timing and my mom came in and told me to go back to sleep. I remember having a slightly weird dream.

My mom and I were cleaning out this huge four car garage for someone and throughout the whole cleaning we kept smelling skunk but we didn't think anything of it. So when we were done we were about to walk out and the smell became so potent it was gagging us so we were making sure we were careful and I looked around to see if I could see the skunk and I turned around and this huge skunk came walking towards me and I told my mom to head for the house because the skunk was behind me and she started running and there was a small blue car (like a 80's buick skylark) and I was working my way around it and the skunk ran after me and proceeded in chasing my mom and me and that's when I woke up.

Then I went to school and all we did was miss first hour. In gym we did pilates but before we took our heartbeat, and did as many situps and pushups as we could. I did 26 pushups and I stopped at 90 situps because the guys were making comments *rolls eyes* I dislike pilates and I would've much rather done taebo. At least in taebo I feel like I'm accomplishing something because I sweat. My heartrate has been absolutely horrible though my rhr was 100, then 90, and today it was 120, and my thr was 230 yesterday. The target heart range is rhr:70 and thr:130. My body percent fat ratio is 18.1% and on the machine it blinked low and Mrs. Federle showed concern about it. The lightest girl in class had higher body fat percentage than me who's 15 pounds lighter.

Oh well! The device we used was really cool. It looked like a big playstation controller and you put in all of your information like weight, height, et cetera and then you hold it out at a 90 degree angle from your body and press the start button and then electrodes go in through your arms and bounce off your bodily particals and go back into the machine and tell it how much body fat you have. You can't feel it but the technology it uses is very intriguing.

So I just sang happy birthday to my grandpa over the phone with mom, Sarah, and Kate and this weekend I'm going out to visit them. I have a grammar test tomorrow and I should study at least an hour for it just because I don't know everything. So I'm going to go now and talk to people on msn.

Mandy ~ 5:53 PM

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Butterflies

For some reason I'm very anxious and I have no clue as to why. My stomach turned even more after I read my daily horoscope...

Everything is ready, and still you hesitate. Past failures and future successes
lean on you, building up the pressure. This would be so simple if you let it.
Remember who you are and why you made this decision.

I think it means that Job wants to give me a chance but because of my past failures with guys I'm letting that effect what could possibly happen with him. *SIGH* I laughed at myself today in aerobics because we took our resting heart rates and mine was 100 beats/minute and I just took it again and got the same exact thing. My target resting range is supposed to be around 70 beats/minute. So there's something up with my heart that's making it beat really fast and it's kind of making me wonder although I'm pretty sure nothing's wrong. Usually when someone's heartbeat is so increased like mine it's because they smoke (I don't), they're excited, or they just have a lot of stress and I can go for the last two so that has to be it.

So grammar isn't that bad of a class because I thought Santy was dead serious when he said we weren't going to have any fun. Today he was joking around all hour so that lessened the tension although I have a big packet to do. There's something that's making me really antsy and I can't shake it. I saw the itenerary for the Chicago trip and we got 2 pieces of irish marching music that are 2 pages each so that may also be a factor that I'm going to be in the St. Patrick's Day parade which is televised. Solo Ensemble is in a couple of weeks and yesterday was the first day I practiced my duet with Kayla and we only got to around the 3rd page of 7 pages. I'm so glad we're singing it in english instead of german because I was really nervous about that. So I'm going to go because I think I'm crashing Sarah's pc.

Later...
Ok, I just left Sarah's pc run for a minute and it was all better. So I'll pick up where I left it last time...
Snoball was a lot of fun. First Kate and I went and got our hair done at Hair Design and then we had Jasmine and Kelly over and we (Jasmine, Kelly, Kate, and me) all got ready and my mum did Jasmine's hair and it was really pretty. Then we all got dressed after hair and makeup and Mike and his parents and Job and his mom came over to take pictures. So it was chaos with about 11 people running about upstairs. In the midst of all the confusion Job looked at me after someone mentioned tickets and asked for his and I'd only boughten a single one so then there was the whole problem of Job not having a ticket. Then my mom with her amazing connections called in and got a ticket for $10 and I'm sure Job never paid her back.

We took a bunch of pictures and I hope at least some of them turn out because I'm not photogenic. Then my dad took Job and me to the Fireside and I met everyone and only one person didn't show up, Andy Polzin but we met him later at the dance and he gave some excuse or another. So we all ate and then when Jasmine, Kelly, Mike, and Kate were leaving Job and I were done so we got up paid and we all left. Job and I got to the dance about half hour before everyone else besides Ashley, Susie, Heather, and Ryan who got there about 5 minutes after us and yet they left before us. So then I just went and danced and spent a good portion of the night trying to teach Job how to dance although I had no clue for a guy because I only know girl moves so then Sam Pierre helped a bit. I also took the extra care to remember to use my camera because I always have this problem where I take a camera and get so caught up in all the fun that I forget to use it and then somehow I misplaced the damn camera which only had another 1 or 2 pictures left to take. I still haven't found it and have gotten no word on it and it's been three days so...

Now I'm going to finish this because I feel as though I can't really trust anyone. I think the only people I can really trust anymore are Kate, Mike, Jasmine, and Povish. I've heard a lot of things about what people have been saying about me behind my back so I'm just getting really annoyed right... Well I guess I was ignorant in thinking I could trust my bandies because everyone and anyone can be unloyal. Have a fun night!

Mandy ~ 7:59 PM

Monday, January 26, 2004

Blah Blah Blahity Blah Blah

So... now that I'm really running out of titles... I figured that if something momentuous happens in my day that it'll be mentioned in the title or at least make my title have some relevance to what I'm writing about. Ok, so I've concluded and decided many things today although physically today was... pretty uneventful. I forgot to write about Snoball and it's probably because there hasn't been an available computer since Sarah and Ben have come home. I'll try to find time somewhere to write about Shilo stalking Jasmine, staying at Jasmine's with Kelly and Kate, how Job forgot to buy his ticket, my mom using her connections and $10 to buy Job's ticket, philosophies with Chris, and many other things. It's now quarter past 11 and I have yet to take my nightly shower since I've been talking to Chris for over 3 hours since I took a two hour nap after getting home around 5:30 or later.

Today was the beginning of a new quarter and I'm really not looking forward to anything because I have this little problem that I DETEST CHANGE. Well at least for the most part I do. It's like I'm just getting used to last quarter when all of a sudden they throw in a dance to confuse us and then we have fun and realize damn, we have to start over again. Sometimes I have this overwhelming feeling of getting absolutely nowhere because of how everything's done but I guess it's one of those things I shoudl be used to since I've been doing it since I was 5 or so. Basically 2/3 my life... actually it's roughly 76.5% of my life I've spent doing this quarter thing and I'm still not used to it. I think no matter what something will bother me. I think now that I'll like getting into a normal routine of a steady job and family but maybe later I'll be bored by that and the reason I'm not bored now is because I get switched up so much.

Now I'm doing statistics for how many free waking hours the average student gets during the school year/ day. We took into consideration prep time for school, time spent in school, time after school (stuck there waiting for a bus or a ride), time spent studying or on homework, and time spent at a job. It's somewhere around 2 hours if the student gets a healthy 10 hours of sleep per night. Well I'm out because I don't have anything quick to write about besides the fact that Job asked me to the movies Friday and I said yes. I'm off to talk to my lovely Chris.

Mandy ~ 11:58 PM

Friday, January 23, 2004

Yes, I Think I Know What You're Saying... Wait, Nvm It Was Just Gas

I wonder if anyone would ever be that stupid to confuse two such things? Wow, I'm having a great conversation with Chris because I became awake when I turned off the downstairs light.

~Mandy~ says:
that may be another thing, my daily activities don't tire me enough
Chris says:
lol, if i dont have gym in a term i get like zero activity in a day
~Mandy~ says:
but i'm tired all day long during school, or is that just because it's school and the bright flouresant lights hurt my eyes because i'm really supposed to be nocturnal
Chris says:
vampire....
~Mandy~ says:
yea...
~Mandy~ says:
you know i was debating on whether or not i should let people know i'm a vampire
Chris says:
lol
~Mandy~ says:
and that a lot of those myths about them/me are false because you can be out in sunlight, it just sucks because we're naturally nocturnal
Chris says:
well, now we know :p
Chris says:
ahh, i see
~Mandy~ says:
yea, garlic-no, but the wooden stake is true
Chris says:
haha, and how do you know? your still alive
~Mandy~ says:
exactly, geez
Chris says:
how would you know the wooden stake was true if you were still alive?
~Mandy~ says:
true, i think it's just common knowledge, i'm such a hipocrit because i was just trying to disprove all of the other myths because they're supposedly "common knowledge" but since there are no such thing as vampires the common knowledge is just part of the bigger myth
Chris says:
ohh
Chris says:
i see, so everything we ever thought to be true is a lie, and everything that was lie, is now true
~Mandy~ says:
maybe
~Mandy~ says:
in respect to the things that we never know existed
~Mandy~ says:
like me, i'm sure you had no idea vampires were real...
Chris says:
hahaha
~Mandy~ says:
and above i actually tried to say we weren't, try to make it look like my confession was a joke but i've come to the realization that you're a good friend and if you ever thought of going against my will and telling everyone i'm a vampire then i'll just eat you, you know vampires do have mind reading powers, but for me it's only about if you were to tell someone i were a vampire so i can say...
~Mandy~ says:
read your mind just like that, besides it would be a total envasion of privacy
~Mandy~ says:
but fun, if you could voluntarily read someone's mind but yea... we won't go into that
Chris says:
so, then if i were to wish to tell someone, seeing as you could read my mind, you would know if i should do it, before i do it
Chris says:
hence you could kill me before i accomplish my goal
~Mandy~ says:
right
~Mandy~ says:
don't even think about it
Chris says:
lol
~Mandy~ says:
ok, now the real issue is that you're a werewolf
Chris says:
you would know if i was though, instead of threating me
~Mandy~ says:
now seriously, where is that going to get you in this world?
Chris says:
umm, human food?
Chris says:
:D
Chris says:
*devil*
~Mandy~ says:
true
~Mandy~ says:
*devil*
Chris says:
lol
Chris says:
isnt this fun :p
Chris says:
no im a mythological creature, no im a fantasy creature
Chris says:
muahahaha
~Mandy~ says:
oh wait!
~Mandy~ says:
this is the kind of weird things i'm not supposed to talk about or act like around job, right?
~Mandy~ says:
because he likes the normal ones
~Mandy~ says:
now seriously who'd want a normal one when they can have me?
~Mandy~ says:

Chris says:
lol, i dunno
Chris says:
im just saying that he seems like he wants to be more serious around you
Chris says:
although i havent seen him around you
Chris says:
im just going off what you tell me
~Mandy~ says:
hehe, yea, i think it's because he wants to impress me, show me he's mature so he can have his way with me and then be done with me because he wants a piece just like every other immature guy and he somehow thinks the chances of him getting one with me are good?
Chris says:
lol, or maybe your paranoid and job is a cool guy
~Mandy~ says:
if you think that's a theory you don't know how many sleepless school nights there really are
Chris says:
so you actually think that every guy thinks that about you?
Chris says:
and that they are just in it for a piece
~Mandy~ says:
exactly, i come up with them when i'm in my nocturnal state of vampiress, when i'm most aware of the world and the true happenings, chris, this world is a very horrible place, this town is just very well at covering it up because it's such a small town
Chris says:
hahaha
Chris says:
i would know...seeing as i eat people in my werewolf form
~Mandy~ says:
i'm not saying every guy in respect to me rather every guy in respect to what girl they want, and not even every guy... if you scroll up i only mention the immature ones, now, the mature ones, they're a different story altogether, one that in my book has not been written because i haven't really ran across any
~Mandy~ says:
oh yes, you forget i just found out you were what you are tonight
~Mandy~ says:
earlier in the conversation, when you told me
Chris says:
yeah...damn
Chris says:
so you think im an immature guy too?
~Mandy~ says:
you sure as hell have the potential at times
~Mandy~ says:
i mean by mature a guy who's ready to settle down and really let me suck the life out of him, literally :$
~Mandy~ says:
:p
Chris says:
hahaha
Chris says:
lol
Chris says:
i am immature at times yes
Chris says:
because its fun to surprise ppl
Chris says:
remember what you told me b4?
Chris says:
:p
~Mandy~ says:
yes, another theory from a sleepless weekday night
~Mandy~ says:
about the expectations
~Mandy~ says:
and how if you have none then when you really do something amazing it's amazing rather than if everyone expects the worst and then walah!
Chris says:
lol
Chris says:
exactly
Chris says:
so yes, i can be immature
Chris says:
but dont go thinkin' your all high and mighty amanda
Chris says:
you have your moments
~Mandy~ says:
no, did i ever say i wasn't immature at times as well?
~Mandy~ says:
if you scroll through this entire conversation never once have i ever said such a thing
~Mandy~ says:
you can't make assumptions
~Mandy~ says:
they're bad
Chris says:
lol, i know
Chris says:
but you said i could be immature at times
Chris says:
and i said you could too
~Mandy~ says:
exactly, and that's why i've never meet a completely mature guy... ahhh, for fear there are none... wait wouldn't they be really boring then, because everyone's conception of immature is different so wouldn't to be completely mature like 100% it would have to be by any and all standards of maturity?
Chris says:
lol, you wouldnt want a 100% mature guy
Chris says:
if you think you would...then your wrong, but i'l let you think that
Chris says:
a mature guy would never wanna have any fun at all...seriously
~Mandy~ says:
so now i can write another chapter in my imaginary life monologue of- completely mature guys: chapter 334573975302532 (or somewhere around there)

To be a completely mature guy would have to fit the conception of everyone in maturity therefore there is no such thing as a completely mature guy.
Chris says:
there
Chris says:
and that you should be satisfied with someone who is mostly mature but has some fun at times
~Mandy~ says:
hmm, well i'm posting a bunch of this convo so ppl are aware that you are of werewolf and i'm of vampire blood
~Mandy~ says:
we have fun convos
Chris says:
lol
Chris says:
we do have fun convos
~Mandy~ says:
so i'm going to get going, but i'll post my blogger first, if we get into another good topic
Chris says:
must be cuz your a cool person
Chris says:

~Mandy~ says:
we'll be talking forever
~Mandy~ says:
you too, dork!
Chris says:
haha, yeah...well...you a...a...a big....uhh.....idiot!!
~Mandy~ says:
disinclude yourself in everything will you *she mumbles*
~Mandy~ says:
now i'm making commentary, this isn't going to a good place...

SO then there was many deaths at the mouths and claws of Chris and Amanda due to their uhhhh... exceptional beings. Yea, maybe in our dreams... damn, why can't dreams come true, they can happen to you, if you're young at heart. Wait that's a song, nevermind, I'm losing it I'm off!

Mandy ~ 11:40 PM

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Feeling Once and Once More

Ok, that title makes little to no sense but just pretend. I'm sure no one wants to know this but I'm pmsing and nothing is making much sense at the moment. So I stayed after today until quarter after 5. I went on the wheel for about an hour and made a stupid pot thing but I got points for going on the wheel and I also went on during my study hall for about 15 minutes and then Kaitlin came in with Kirby and I completely forgot we were going driving. So then we went driving and Kate went first and drove so long and then I drove for about an hour and I did really good, blah blah blah.

FOR EVERYONE WHO'S GOING TO SNOBALL IN MY GROUP:
1. We're eating at the Fireside and I made reservations for 6-6:15, I hope you have rides.
2. After we're done eating we're going to Katie Barbian's house to take pictures and then we're walking to the RHS because she lives 2 minutes away (walking)
3. If anyone has anymore questions call me 362-0935 but this is all I know so far

Mandy ~ 7:05 PM

Saturday, January 17, 2004

Later... Wanting What You Can't Have

So I was talking to Vince and Will about Matt and now I'm talking to Chris about depression and what you want and I found that the link is that whatever you truely want, well it's usually unattainable. This is part of the conversation I had with Will and Vince:

~Mandy~ says:
i was happy to see him
~Mandy~ says:
because i see him maybe once in the halls right before 4th hour
Will & Vince says:
ah yeh
~Mandy~ says:
and he almost tries to start a conversation with me and i walk right into my classroom and i always make it there with minutes to spare
~Mandy~ says:
it's just... i can't talk to him
~Mandy~ says:
he's...
~Mandy~ says:
matt
Will & Vince says:
lol ah yeh
~Mandy~ says:
yea
~Mandy~ says:
i feel as though it just isn't settled
~Mandy~ says:
and i'd just like to take him aside when i see him sometime and just kiss him
~Mandy~ says:
see what happens
Will & Vince says:
lol go for it
~Mandy~ says:
no
~Mandy~ says:
i couldn't, i'm a wuss
~Mandy~ says:
and besides i'm too afraid of rejection
Will & Vince says:
psh, he wont reject u
Will & Vince says:
and u shouldnt be a wuss
Will & Vince says:
u wuss
Will & Vince says:
lol jk
~Mandy~ says:
he'd reject me
Will & Vince says:
bull
Will & Vince says:
only if he's a moron
~Mandy~ says:
a long while back josh asked him if he'd ever go back out with me again and he said there wasn't a chance in hell

In this conversation with Chris I'm being quite... bipolar to avoid any real conversation and yet keep myself from boredom. He's playing along too, at times although he's playing another game...

~Mandy~ says:
that i don't really want friends
~Mandy~ says:
and at times i follow how i truely feel and try to drive them away
~Mandy~ says:
and be a loner
~Mandy~ says:
but then somehow i end up feeling bad for being mean
~Mandy~ says:
and then i go back to them...
Chris says:
its a vicious cycle
~Mandy~ says:
yea
~Mandy~ says:
it might be depression
~Mandy~ says:
and just trying to push away everything
Chris says:
it could be...except you dont really show your depression
~Mandy~ says:
i try to hide it as well as i can
Chris says:
then again....i dont really...well i do show when im depressed, but i dont show the severity of it
~Mandy~ says:
true
~Mandy~ says:
but you seem like you want friends
~Mandy~ says:
to be around them is your salvation
Chris says:
lol, maybe those with friends dont want them and those without friends do want them

~Mandy~ says:
you always want what you can't have
Chris says:
yup
Chris says:
except im sure you could have no friends if you tried
Chris says:
lol, isnt that a sad comment
Chris says:
you'd have to try to not have friends
~Mandy~ says:
haha
~Mandy~ says:
thanks...
Chris says:
lol
Chris says:
i was just saying...
~Mandy~ says:
yea, i understand
~Mandy~ says:
but that's true
~Mandy~ says:
it'd be easy too
Chris says:
haha
~Mandy~ says:
all i'd have to do...
~Mandy~ says:
i could be a huge bitch, and tell everyones secrets, and push everyone's buttons
Chris says:
yeah, but you wouldnt do that would you?
~Mandy~ says:
no
~Mandy~ says:
that's horrible
~Mandy~ says:
and it ruins the image i've created for myself my entire life
~Mandy~ says:
unnecessary enemies... what's the point really?
Chris says:
there isnt one
~Mandy~ says:
exactly
~Mandy~ says:
so in that you know i will not do anything when there is no reasoning, i'll at least give you that
~Mandy~ says:
that in knowing when i do do something that isn't quite within understandable means know there was a reason, just that you may not know it... not at that moment though
~Mandy~ says:
not like i'm hinting at doing something unthinkable and trying to maintain a reason for it *rolls eyes* or just telling you this so you think there was some reason when there wasn't just so it was an easy way out?
~Mandy~ says:
i'm feeling quite weird tonight
~Mandy~ says:
*narrows eyes* do you understand what i've been trying to say in the past few ims?
Chris says:
lol
Chris says:
i was playing a game, im catching up with your last few IMs
~Mandy~ says:
k
~Mandy~ says:
that's ok, i'm playing a game to
~Mandy~ says:
to avoid boredom that is

~Mandy~ says:
and people doubt my intelligence...
Chris says:
hahaha
Chris says:
no, you doubt your own intelligence
~Mandy~ says:
*flares nostrils*
~Mandy~ says:
*sigh*
~Mandy~ says:
true
~Mandy~ says:
point well given and taken
Chris says:
lol
Chris says:
seriously, how many times have i told you you were smart and you yell at me for it
~Mandy~ says:
mmmm, yes, and yet i like to keep it on the dl so i can shock ppl at times because you can't do the same thing all the time and expect people to be amazed but if you act so they haven't any expectations then when you do something worthy of praise they're amazed you were even capable of such a thought
~Mandy~ says:
see, if you underestimate yourself you're never let down because you can only do better but if you overestimate you're constantly let down and by actually believing in myself i may in the same way be letting myself down, so do you see or understand what i've been doing?

It's much fun. Same with spoiling my Shady baby. I just came back downstairs from giving her 6 puppy bones. They're little tiny things about an inch by half inch and she just bites them once and they're gone. Now that has lead to Shadow eventually dying and I'm crying. She's already 8 and I love her so much. She's so obediant and loving and tolerant. Every day when we come home from school there she waits or in the car when mom picks us up. Later when she does all of her little tricks for the bones we love to treat her with and whenever we're gone for more than a couple of hours she freaks out when we come home again. Shadow just came downstairs to get some attention because she was lonely. My poor baby, I love her so much. It's funny that I think of it now but Shadow and I have the same sleeping patterns, we're both nocturnal and we nap a lot during the day at the same times. So now I'm going to go since I'm obsessively talking about my baby.

Mandy ~ 11:59 PM

Shop Shoppity Shopping

Today I woke up around 10 and proceeded in cleaning my room, which was very dirty due to tons of clothing everywhere and other various items that needed to be put away. Then after everyone got ready we went to Wausau, Mom, Sarah, Kate, and me. We went shopping at the Wausau mall for about 3 hours. I bought a grey and red sweatshirt, a burgundy long-sleeved tee, and black polar fleece pj pants from Aeropostale which all fit me very well. I bought a tan jacket (which is absolutely gorgeous) from Gadzook's that was origionally 80 but I got it for 60 and with it Sarah and Kate both got jackets that cost around 50 for a dollar each, buy one full price and two more for a dollar each. My jacket cost so much because they ordered it from a shop in Los Angeles called Dollhouse. Then I got a pair of very cute pin-stripe black pants from the Deb that I'm planning on wearing to Solo Ensomble although they're not too dressy not to be able to wear to school, so yay! I only like shopping when things are on sale and they look really good on me and today was one of those days.

It's nice to splurg every once in a while and for me it's usually a great while. Last time I went to Wausau was a year ago. So today my mom made hair appointments for Kate and me at Hair Design and was quite suprised that we were the first to call and schedule appointments since Snoball's in a week. I'm trying to get psyched up about Snoball but it's going to be hard since my last formal dance was such a well... let down since I barely made it out of there before I started crying. I won't repeat myself about what happened that night.

Now I'm watching this navy movie with Cuba Gooding Jr. and it's really good. *sigh* So many things are going through my head... end of quarter, Snoball, what grades I'm going to get after trying so hard, how my coil oggy-boogy man is going to turn out since it sat out all weekend. So I'm pretty tired and I really want to just watch this movie alone now since I'm pmsing I'm all over the place.

Mandy ~ 7:59 PM

Friday, January 16, 2004

Mmm, Snoball

So as of today I have a date for Snoball, Job Morton. I think he's very cute and I've heard from quite a few people that he likes me or has a small thing for me. I haven't really talked to him and without my permission Kate went and asked him for me. I was getting around to it... the day before it. *hangs head* It is after all this next Saturday so I have exactly one week and my mom was making hair appointments for Kate and me. I'm going to re-wear my prom dress just because then I'll feel better about the expensive hair styling and not having to buy another dress. I feel horribly guilty whenever I spend my dad's money no matter how much I spend. Even if it's like a dollar for something extra at lunch or 80 for the prom dress and 40 for the hair I still feel bad.

When I'm older and have my own life I'll make sure and pay them back or if I get a job I'll pay for my own things so they won't have to. *smiles at the thought of becoming independant* Besides the fact that I hardly ever buy anything I could buy what I needed and save all the rest for college or whatever else I'd need later... like a car. Wow, I really don't need to think of that but I'm so happy that I'll be old enough to vote for the next president and I'm going to vote for the democrat, Clark. I can't remember his first name but my dad's going to vote for him and he told me some of his background and I liked what I heard.

Kate and Emily- Yes, I know it's a weird pair as for what's been going on lately... I really hope you guys settle your "beef" with each other. I wouldn't even know Emily if it weren't for Kate and her being such great friends and I was wondering what happened to that. Kate, you seem to assume things when people don't outrightly tell you how they feel like when you said that Emily didn't want you to have Mike or something to that extent. Yes, Emily admits she may be a little jealous but it's obvious that all she wants for her friends is the best and it might not always appear that way. Things happen and there will always be misunderstandings and I really hope you two can work this one out since it's pretty understandable if you just think about it. It's not like Emily had a fling with Mike while you were with him, or something and you know that'd never happen so just solve this please!

Jasmine- I have been waiting for Amanda to get online so I can ask her to Snoball, there is no sense in asking a guy, besides Amanda is sexier then any men in our school! :P Well I'm feeling rather sick to my stomach so I'll write more when I feel better! Amanda when you read this... CALL ME YOU SEXY ANIMAL! lol

Hehe, I love you Jasmine, you're the cutest person I know! I'm sorry that I had no idea but I would've loved to have had you as my date you sexy chica! I'll definitely get up some courage to ask Job to take us both as his dates. *blushes* I'm sorry you don't feel well hun! We can dance and play off all the guys at Snoball by teasing them because we hate them! Oh, but they're so hot and I'm the biggest hipocrit ever! :p

Chris...

Well I'm going to get going now but I guess I'll explain that later when I have the energy to write what I want to write. I'm going to write about one more thing before I go. Today after school my mom took me to run errands since Kate went to Mike's house and after I got out of Kids Corner from buying cheese I jumped in the car and mom pulled out. There was a red truck blocking us and she was like 'This Fucker's in my way' and I looked up and Matt Luce was sitting there in his red truck just staring at me and I just stared back at him because I couldn't break it. So then my mom was like 'what the fuck' when she saw my face and looked up and said 'Omg, I hope he can't read lips'. So then we waved and smiled at each other and that was it, but as my mom was driving off I caught a look she made and it was like she felt bad for spliting us up or something. So now I'm off to do something like take out my contacts and then I'll be back later to write more.

Mandy ~ 8:19 PM

Thursday, January 15, 2004

*inhales* Whewwwwwww

Long day, Long day. So today was very uneventful thus without any happenings the day dragged on so slowly I just about croaked at the end of it. Band was the same as every other hour, Ceramics was actually pretty fun. Mrs. Chrisinger baked brownies and we played vocabulary bingo (i got 4 bingos- 20 pts of extra credit) and I even just ate some of the frosting from the container right off the knife. So I have 30 out of 37 sketches due for ceramics tomorrow so I should be able to get that done. All of me extra credit for Sociology is also due tomorrow. So then in Sociology we had to put together skits for deviance and I was with Jolene, Josh Mckensie, Kara, Quiet Guy, Buck, and Ali. I have to go right now but I'll be back on later to finish this.

Mandy ~ 5:28 PM

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

MMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm NO

Don't ask me about the title, I have no clue... I'm melancholy at the moment but slightly happy that Sarah and Ben are coming home tonight. Their flight is supposed to arrive at the Rhinelander airport at 9:30-ish. I haven't seen either of them since December 28th! Well for one I'm happy to report Josh Bies hasn't said anything to me but he talks loud enough to other guys to get the message to me. I can't wait until he approaches me again and I go off on him about I'm not the type to give and that's all he wants since the only basis he can judge his like for me is upon looks, and that my friends tell me all the lovely gossip they've heard about him and Heidi Brown, and Maya so obviously he isn't 'bad with the girls' as he says. I'm sure after that he'll be very shocked but he deserves it. Besides that from the way he talks in class I can tell he treats women like shit 'Ian, she has you whipped' means that Josh can't stand commitment and he's always saying perverted things and of course one of the most important things is that I'm not attracted to him.

So I have a singing solo, singing duet with Kayla, Clarinet Choir, Wind Ensomble, and a singing Trio with Kayla, and Kaitlin. Hmmm, five events, I hope I won't have my hands full. I average about 4 events per year- 16 medals for 4 years. So anyway now I'm just jumping around thinking that Sarah and Ben are arriving in 2 hours and I'll probably see them in 3 hours, if I'm lucky. Well I don't have anything else to write about since no one has written in their bloggers recently.

Mandy ~ 7:38 PM

Monday, January 12, 2004

Breathe In, Breath OUT!

Ok, a lot is going on with the people around me and very little has been setting me off lately so what does that mean? It means I've been hiding a ton of frusteration. A friend wrote something in their blogger that's a complete lie and it pissed me off because I consider a blogger to be a diary. If anything you're true to a blogger. Every little thing seems to just crumble down into something bigger. FINALLY, the issue of Solo Ensomble practice was addressed in band today, some lovely person mentioned it in the band council meeting, and I bet Mr. Zunker was just astounded that anyone was having problems with it. Although when we talked about it for about 40 minutes today 1st hour we brought up many well put arguments and needless to say we got the rest of the hour to work on Solo Ensomble. Ok, on to the singles...

Emily- I'm so happy to know someone agrees with me on the whole Kate/Mike thing. They make me feel so uncomfortable and to tell you the truth everytime I tell her she comes back with 'Remember when Matt, you, and me were in our room and you felt him up?' and I'm like 'Sorry, but that definitely doesn't compare to making out and endless feeling each other up'. Besides that the thing with Matt was once and not to mention almost two years ago as opposed to 2 months of this constantly and much worse. Kate also told me you snapped at her earlier today at lunch or something... I'm definitely not mad at you because I was seriously waiting for someone to snap and I had a feeling it was going to be someone before me. Although there's been a few occasions when I let them know I'm annoyed and they still continue and blame it on their 'mojo'.

Chris- ...you wrote about reverting back to your old self and I agree with you. It's too difficult to be constantly trying to please one person. It's like the only way you can be happy is if a very pretty girl is flirting with you, sorry but that seems to be one of your top priorities lately. Ever stop to think 'if relationships are so great and Amanda can supposedly get any guy she wants why isn't she in a relationship?' *sigh* If only people could read my mind...

Ha, if people could read my mind I definitely wouldn't be writing this right now.

Jasmine- I'm happy you got through surgery and you're doing ok. I'm waiting for the day when I'll see you in school again! I hope you're resting and feeling a lot better by tomorrow so you come to school cause I miss you and I'm sounding like a broken record here...

Heather- Trapped eh? I don't know what to tell you because I feel trapped all the time because all I do is go between school and home. The last time I got out was for a week down in Florida and even that had to end. I can only hope you do either one of two suggestions I can think of at the moment... find a way to escape even if it's just like being able to drive or spending what little time you're allowed to with Susie and really enjoying it and remembering it's your time. The other route I have taken because I really can't leave this place so I just give in to it and try to live with it. Sometimes I convince myself it's better because at least my house is cozy and I have quite a few luxeries like a tv, computer, and a ps2 although I never play on it.

SO that's my bit for the day oh and I'm happy to report that Sarah and Ben are coming home in two days although I won't be able to go to the airport to pick them up with mom because they're arriving at around 9:30 pm so they'll be home about quarter after 10, if all goes as planned. So now I'm out, I'll probably do a few pages of extra credit writing for Sociology and then read some Silver Wolf, take a shower and go to sleep.

Mandy ~ 5:57 PM

Friday, January 09, 2004

So Much Gone Wrong

First of all I apologize to those whom I've been a bitch too because everything is getting to me and I just can't handle it anymore. This past week went so fast and nothing of substance happened. Me and my boring life!

Kate and Mike- Yes, I'm happy you love each other but must you prove so in front of everyone in the hallway? I wouldn't care if you guys went somewhere out of the public eye and did whatever but it's so embarassing to you and me(even if you don't realize it) when you makeout in front of everyone. It also shows you have a lower respect for your self image and for the band and family you represent.

Chris- I'm sorry for yelling at you but when Katie's clarinet dropped on the floor I got so panicked and you kept interrupting me. I haven't yelled in so long and all this week that's all that's been happening to me was being interrupted and then never getting to say what I wished to say. Now you're going to say, well then you yelled at me for no reason but I'm also mad from yesterday when I was trying to pick out our duet or something and you kept chasing me around. We wasted that whole time basically and I really need to practice all of my pieces in advance because Solo Ensomble is my equivalent of others basketball, football, or any other sport (I can't play them because of my ankle) so I really want to do my best on it.

Mandy ~ 9:33 PM

Thursday, January 08, 2004

ZZZZzzzz

I'm soooo tired and I didn't get home until half hour ago (quarter after 5) because I stayed after school to pick out a duet with Chris and then Kayla... and now, ugh, I didn't get either but instead I picked out a nice, Italian vocal solo. I don't really feel like writing so I'll do my people section because it's been a few days.

Chris-yay! now i have my own little exclusive spot on amandas blog so i figure i better start writing stuff everyday to appease her. well, i dont really understand why you say im still a mystery when i have never really found myself to be mysterious...or maybe im mysterious in an un-cool way...i should prolly fix that, oh well. although i do like the talking to Mr. Zunker about doing a duet :D.

That makes me happy that he likes my idea of personal entries. Oh and just so you know, I'm skipping whomever I don't have anything to write about. Oh and you have to be more... *fakely slams hand on desk in a fist and straightens back* more commanding if you want to get a duet with me because it doesn't really seem like you want one.

Jasmine- Jared needs to die and at that a slow one filled with torture. *grows devil horns* I really hope your surgery went well because I love you so much and I'd never ever want anything to happen to you and as soon as I'm done with this I'm calling you to check on you.

That's all I have to write upon in the people's category. Have a nice day I'm out. Next time I'll try to write about the funky dream I had two nights ago... to remind myself it had aliens, Sarah, mom, and for some reason, Sam Pierre.

Mandy ~ 5:53 PM

Monday, January 05, 2004

The Low-Down

Ok, so here's what I do. I open a webpage, go to Kate's, Mike's, Emily's, Chris's, Jasmine's, Anthony's, and Heather's bloggers one after the other and read for updates and then if I find something new and opinion generating I write about it in here. Then I write about my day so I think from now on everyone will have their own section and then I'll have a big one about everything and no matter what everyone will be entitled to the whole blog. I'll start with my day because I'm sure the prospect of this new idea has generated (obviously I like that word today) some excitement.

So today was my first day back at school and it just seemed so... I can't quite explain it but for some reason I've always had an image of myself. As of recently I just really realized no one's really looking at me and I can just go to school, do my thing, have the fun I can, and leave. Something seemed really different today but I couldn't quite pick it out. School just seemed different and it may have been this newfound realization that everyone is just selfish and it doesn't matter how I really look or act because unless I do something drastic the chances of me being remembered because of what I do are very low.

I am quite the plain jane and another thing. I feel horrible because this guy in my Sociology class has been hitting on me for quite some time and I feel absolutely horrible about it but it's like he tries hitting on me, he sets himself up to be shot down. Everytime he talks to me I act like a complete bitch to him, I don't look him in the face, I don't really say anything, and speak in this horribly bitchy tone. For once I think I'll throw him off by being nice to him but if he pushes it I'll let him know. In a nice way unlike what I've resorted to since I meet him in 7th grade.

Ok, now unto the blogger picks.

Kate and Mike- I'm so glad you and Mike have found a place in each others hearts and in all truth I'm jealous more than you'll ever know. For a love you have found and I can only hope I may find the same some day. I've been searching and not but it seems to be as though I always get screwed over in one way or another. Please don't let it go without a fight. I may be jealous but that doesn't mean I can't let that affect my sisterly love for you, Kate and the friendship I've obtained with Mike and instead acknowledge the fact that you both deserve to have each other.

Emily- I've read your recent entry from a few days ago and I liked the new chapter you put up for your book in working progress. It seems as though everything's starting to slowing unwravel and in the process I'm left hanging by the string in which it has unwraveled and I'm waiting for Anna's response to Alex's ulitmadum.

Chris- You... there's so much that isn't said and yet I wonder at times what should be said. For one I'm so happy you've decided to be more social and open with who you are even if for the most part you're still a mystery. We need to go to Mr. Zunker and ask about a suitable duet for us. I haven't given you a straight answer because in all truth we haven't been talking to each other a lot.

Jasmine- I love you hunny! You just recently posted a blog about living next to Kelly when you grow up and I'm so happy you have dreams to succeed at.

Anthony- nothing was posted recently and I don't especially derive a lot about you when you use other bands lyrics to describe how you feel. I'm happy for you and Katie.

Heather- Oh, much to say...
We all die sometime. Even the person you're sure will never die is going to. Mothers, fathers, siblings, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, friends, pets. EVERYONE WILL DIE. Its a fact of life. We are born we grow adn learn, reach our sexual peak and have kids and then begin to die. Death is not something to run from, but I believe that death should be used wisely. I know that I am going to die someday, but I want to use my death for a good cause. I'd rather die fighting for what I believe in, then on a bed too old to move. I dont want to get old, I'll die before then.
This is from the most recent entry you posted on the 4th. I've realized this quite some time ago because I've had to deal with quite a few deaths starting at a rather young age. The way you write of this concept, which is all too true makes it seem like some ordeal we just endure until it's over but life is much more than that and you really have to appreciate the people and things you have and love until they are gone because then you can have the memories and the love will last much longer than you realize. It'll always be there for you even upon your hardest times so please keep this in mind when you think of how bleak it all looks in perspective.

Mandy ~ 6:10 PM

Sunday, January 04, 2004

One Long Day, Short Lasting

Today was my last day of Christmas vacation and I didn't enjoy it as much as I should or could have. I went to sleep last night at 4 am and woke up voluntarily at 7 for absolutely no reason. So then my dad woke up and went up and got the paper and I took a half hour shower and then we watched some hunting show and ate breakfast whenever. Then to pass the time I blow dried my hair and dad woke mom up and then I woke up Kate at 9 and we were off by 10 for our grandma Mary Ann's house in Antigo. We went, watched the Packers win against the Seahawks, ate dinner, opened presents and just visited until about quarter after 5 and then we left and got home around 6 or so.

I'm so disappointed I have to go back to school again tomorrow because I know I won't have another vacation for a long time and now it gets hectic. The two worst times are when school starts and Solo Ensomble season. When I wasn't lazy in my earlier years I did many events for Solo Ensomble and I've been going since 7th grade, when we were allowed to and I have 16 medals. That's five years I've been going so I average 3 medals a year for Solo Ensomble. I'm thinking I should start doing things again because last year I only did a clarinet solo (the one I got a perfect score on), clarinet choir, and a singing trio (which I hated because the girls I sang with sucked).

This year I'm planning on doing a clarinet duet with Chris, a singing duet with Kayla Dotter, Clarinet Choir, and my stomach turns thinking about it but a singing solo in a foreign language. Last year Mrs. P tried to get me to do a class A Italian piece but since the whole 'my gay ass math teacher wouldn't let me leave to try out the solos thing' I never got to pick out a solo to sing. I don't think I will ever do another clarinet solo again because it scared the hell out of me and I shook so badly even though I got the best score. Another thing about that is if I do another solo it will be class A and I'll have to live up to the first score, which is unbeatable so I could only match it or do worse.

So now I really don't have anything else to write so I'm out.

Mandy ~ 7:15 PM

Saturday, January 03, 2004

Driving

So about half hour ago my dad took Kate and me driving since mom finally took us to pick up our temps. He drove us to the school parking lot, I drove and then we went to k-mart and picked up some things, and then we went back and Kate drove. So then I asked my dad if I could drive again because I liked it so much and he said sure and I'd drive them home. So I got really excited because that meant me driving about 50 mph on the highway. After Kate got out of the car from driving she's like 'Damn, I suck. Amanda you made it look way too easy' So then I drove us home and I remembered my turn signal, and to check all of my mirrors, and to slow down on the corners, and everything and I think my dad was really suprised.

So that's all I wanted to talk about... there's dailing comensary between Sarah and me and I'm quite happy that I get to hear of all the fun things her and Ben are doing in England. Yup, and I have 2 days of vacation left and my mom never took Kate and me to Wausau, who called it?

Mandy ~ 3:43 PM