~The Music of My Life~

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Something Stretches the Band that Breaks

I've noticed many things since school has started. Zunker who started as meek and mild is turning to tendancies used previously by our former band instructor... quite a few people have noticed it and one in particular is getting the brunt of it. Who this person is I will not disclose only that it is not me. It seems not a whole lot is happening to bring the show together. All that is happening is happening because single people wish their parts to be learned. I've been trying very hard to memorize the music and I only glance at the 2nd and 3rd songs a couple of times out of comfort. I have also found out that lies have been said... but I won't accuse because I don't need the shit from those who will blindly defend what I know is true.

School has been ok but stressful. I feel so detatched and yet, I'm making friends in people I never thought I could ever get along with... someone in particular in my 4th hour class has been very friendly and I won't demean his advances of some sort of acquaintence or lesser friendship just because someone who means a lot to me doesn't especially get along with him.

About feeling detatched... I realize every day I go to school that I'm there and I'm doing the motions but I just don't feel anything. It's just like I'm a little obediant clone at the teachers' commands and whenever they demand I do this or that I'm like their little wind up robot. I wonder when my cord will break and they will find out I'm not just another little one under their control out of wishes for good grades. I merely conform because it is the easiest, least guiltful way to deal with everything.

Someone else on the other hand is upset with me for not being her twin for twin day. Yet I think to myself and believe in the truth that she only wanted to be my twin out of being named 'the Marquardt Twins' and having to live up to the name? Of that I know I mean little to nothing else to her as of recently, or that's just how I feel because of how she's been treating me. Throw me away to pick me up another day. I also realize she has a lot on her plate and I wouldn't have only deducted that from her 15 or so paragraph blogger so much as I've easedropped unobviously throughout these past few weeks. It's easier to let her do her thing so today I was Job's twin instead of hers and I guess it upset her but Job was being pretty stubborn about it last night on the phone. So through his relentlessness I gave in because I knew if I showed up today as Kate's twin he would've been extremely upset. Now I sit here waiting for Job to call I get impatient and call and... Josh answers. Second to last time I called and Josh answered (without Job being there) I ended up talking to Josh for over half an hour, which was of a major suprise to me. Oh well, just getting to know the inlaws...

Mandy ~ 6:37 PM

Sunday, September 19, 2004

This Week Just Sucks, I Always have the Worst of Luck...

For those of you who do read this I do censor it to a point but I'm pretty open with a few things. Where to start... Badger Band Day was fun but way too hot. Our band actually converged with Wausau Easts' band on the way back to our buses. We had a few of the same pep band songs and those which we didn't we improv-ed. Both of our bands had Centerfold but their band didn't want to play it because no one would start it so then I was like 'screw it' and I started with the first 4 measures and I swear I played them so perfectly and after the first 4 measures their entire band jumped in... it was so cool that I started their band.

That was on September 11th and now it's been more than a week later and I've been having the crapiest time. 1. I'm failing Environmental Science which really isn't good because it's a freshman class... I didn't hand in like 1 or 2 things. Then 2. I got in a little cat fight with this girl in my Spanish class because she thinks she's above everyone else especially me. 3. I had marching every morning and one morning I almost froze... tears were involuntarily running down my face because the wind was so cold. Of course 4. Senior Walking isn't a piece of cake because we walk 3 miles a day and that completely wears me down. 5. Then towards the end of the week I start feeling a little icky and I went to Job's game with Liz Butler (I love you Liz!) in Wisconsin Rapids and they lost by a lot. 6. Then Job got to leave the next morning to go to Minneapolis with the german students because he's a host to Florian. So Job's leaving from there around noon today and I'm kind of jealous because he got to go to the Mall of America when I've never been there and he kind of rubbed it in my face that he goes all the time. He told me about all the rides and everything and even if he didn't mean to it still hurt my feelings.

So I 7. either have a sinus infection or a cold because it started getting really bad yesterday and I had to sleep sitting up because as soon as I laid down I couldn't breathe through my nose and I can't breathe through my throat because it was bleeding and it was going to do so again if I breathed through it. My throat was also swollen shut and it's a bitch trying to swallow pills, I'm just completely worn down, I have this constant headache from all of the pressure from my sinus cavity, a constant runny nose that has just recently become very congested, my lymph nods are swollen so much that I can hardly move my neck so that's creating even more pressure, and from all this pressure I sometimes lose my hearing but I think I'm getting an ear infection too because my ears are killing me. To top it off 8. I woke up this morning and guess what came just in time for my birthday? For those of you who can't guess the answer is my fucking period. Now I'm going to be even more irritable (didn't think it was possible), with cramps, bloating, nausea, and all of that other fun stuff. Oh and 9. I was also invited to go with Liz to her lesson (she's giving the lesson) in Elcho and I was so excited because I might've had the chance to go horseback riding but now that I'm sick I'm 99.9% sure I can't go. And if you thought the fun ended there let it be known that 10. I had to give up my free concert ticket to one of my favorite bands (would've been my very first concert-Alterbridge) because I have homecoming. Yesterday 11. I had the chance to go to a Green Bay Packer game which is like one of my dreams and my parents said no. Now I think I can top it off... 12. I haven't been getting any more than 5 hours of sleep a night and I have no idea why. Even when I stayed over at Liz's house I woke up at 8 am and I won't tell what time I went to bed. About the only good part of my weekend was hanging out with Liz. Oh wait, I even have one more... 13. I'm extremely jealous of Florian because Job is oblidged to spend all of his time with him so I haven't gotten to hang out alone with Job at all. He even gave Florian my gummi bears when we went to the state theater to see a movie I didn't even want to see... "The Bourne Identity"? Idk, whichever one is the second one.

That's kind of weird... the week after my 7 month anniversary (on the 13th) I've had 13 bad things happen to me... I'm sure there's more but I can't remember them. Now I'm going to go on EQ and kill things to make myself feel better.

Mandy ~ 8:09 AM

Sunday, September 05, 2004

TBA

I was just reading the band site and a few things were 'To Be Announced' and I thought that was so stupid because how many people have work schedules and yea... it was just a start to write a blog, hehe. I'm blogging because no one else is and it's been a week since my last write. I even read it to remember what I wrote and it made me really happy because Job's in Iowa temporarily for his aunt's wedding. It was yesterday. So much since school started on the 1st...

I have such an elementary schedule someone would laugh at me...1st hr- Wind Ensomble, 2nd hr- Spanish 1 (finally got the chance to take a foreign language), 3rd hr- Senior Walking (Yay, aerobic fitness), and 4th hr- Environmental Science.

Now 1st hour I have all of my friends and that's really cool although it's one of those classes where you're usually doing something and you don't have groups or anything (besides sectionals and that's unbiased) so it's really nice.

Now 2nd hour I have a freshman class (well, at least the majority) which really sucks because the only freshman I know are Zack Baron, Beka Morton, and some of Beka's friends and Zack's friends but that's all. So we have to group up all the time and I just call myself a 3 person or a 2 person group and then I do it all myself and I've found I work very well alone. The first day Senora Marquez asked us to get in groups of 3 and come up with as many Spanish speaking countries we could think of and most kids got around 5-10, maybe if they were lucky. I came up with 21 countries. She asked how many countries we thought had Spanish as their national language and I didn't say anything and after kids shouting out random guesses I said '21' and she said 'Wow, how'd you know that?' and I said 'Well that's how many countries I came up with that spoke Spanish' and she just kind of looked at me and then turned away like I was being mouthy.

So I don't think she likes me but that's ok because I'm not sure I like her. She's very... undecided. She's the first teacher to ever say 'It's ok if you doodle while I talk because I know you're going to get bored with me' and I'm was thinking 'Yea, but that doesn't mean you should condone us ignoring you because you're supposed to have some control over what we do because you're the teacher'. Basically all hour she rattles on about Spanish stuff and she just talks in Spanish which lead me to learn absolutely nothing the first day. I'm going to try to give her the benefit of the doubt and let her get accumulated to us.

Then the second day I got to class and I realized she wasn't there... FOR AN HOUR of the 90 minutes! The class sat there chatting it up for a while and then Sara, who knows some Spanish decided we were wasting our time so she told all of the people who actually wanted to learn to come to the front and there were maybe 3 or 4 people and I was one of them. Then she proceeded in teaching us how to count to 20 and the alphabet from the book and she was really good. Then after about 45-50 minutes we realized since there was no teacher to take attendance that we'd all be marked absent and then tardy and get in trouble so I went down to the office with a couple other girls after we took attendance and gave it to them. One of the office ladies only said she'd send in Senora Lefebre after Sara said it was getting out of control because she knew the whole time we didn't have a teacher. Now that made me very pissed to know I wasted so much of my time that I could've used to learn Spanish just sitting there. I ended up writing a note to Job so I didn't completely waste my time but to a point.

Then Senora Lefebre came in and was very strict and descisive and told us what to say and what to do and we learned the song for the alphabet so we can remember it and then we learned how to meet someone. I loved it because I was actually accomplishing something. Then after about 5 minutes Senora Marquez finally showed up and she said that she forgot... I thought she'd at least have a better excuse than that! I had to laugh to myself because I learned more Spanish in the 5 minutes that Lefebre taught than in the whole previous day Marquez taught and then the half an hour at the end of the second day.

Now my 3rd hour class is ok because I have at least one friend in there, Heather Maas and she keeps up with me, yay! So the second day we walked 1.5 miles in 80 degree weather that felt like 90 degrees because of the humidity. It took us half an hour to walk that far and I don't really think that's good but I was the first one in the doors, which was pretty cool. Everyone else was going slower so they wouldn't exert themselves or actually sweat. GASP! I had to laugh though because I walked in the locker room and my face was so red it looked like I was going to pass out. Besides the physical activity I also really like the teacher, Mrs. Federle! She was my aerobics teacher and she was the best.

Lastly I have 4th hour and the only person I really know in there is Eddy Stefonik and he's a weird one... He tells teachers to call him by his full name 'Edwin' because it's more professional and he's obsessed with maintaining a 4.0 because he already has his college picked out. He thinks I think I'm above him just because I'm a senior which I never did and never will. He's funny and when he can actually accept that I don't hate him or whatever he's really nice and someone to keep me sane when the rest of the class is just retarded, almost. The only reason I ever started talking to him is because he's Job's friend and I thought... anyone that's Job's friend must be a good person. He's just kind of weird... but then again everyone is.

Friday night Job had an away football game in Marshfield. Ben drove Kevin and me there (2 hour drive) and we had some nice conversation along the way. We got there and I was all cute wearing his jersey and I found Beka and I sat with her the entire game and we talked and got to know each other better which was cool. Job got in a little fight on the field when a guy who was much bigger couldn't tackle him they just pushed each other around. I thought it was really funny though because this guy that was taller and heavier couldn't take Job down. I love my hunny. Sorry, random confessions of my love... So then Ben, Kevin, and Kayla wanted to leave before the game ended and all I wanted to do was stay and say good bye to Job before he left. Amanda Jennings waited with me for at least 10 minutes after the game so I could say goodbye to Job. He forgot to bring a shirt to change into so he was walking around shirtless which was really sexy and I'm glad I didn't miss it. I hope he was suprised that I showed up, took the 4 hours (drive there and back) to be able to see him play. I gave him a hug and two kisses and told him I loved him and he told me the same. I miss him so much... he'll be back in a couple of days but until then I'll just have to spend my first weekend after school alone. It'll give me a chance to do my homework though... Until school.

Mandy ~ 9:58 AM