Who I Am
These are my true thoughts...
My Past
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
Favorite Websites
albinoblacksheep.com
www.myspace.com
www.ebaumsworld.com
Credits of the Creator
Take a look at this & other blog designs @ Blogskins.com
Picture found @ Digital Blasphemy
Friday, October 22, 2004
The 3 B's...
For me those B's would be Brash, Blunt, and Bitchyness. I just said the meanest thing to my sister... I take full blame for what I've said but it seems that since I've met Job I've definitely been a little less eloquent of a speaker. Things just happen to slip out of my mouth without forethought much more frequently than they ever have since the time when I could begin to comprehend the words I'm now using. I'm sorry Kaitlin... if you don't forgive me than I will just have to live with that but let it be known that I never meant to say that.
It's Friday, I'm tired, got 3 hours of sleep last night, this is a comma splice, I don't care...
For me those B's would be Brash, Blunt, and Bitchyness. I just said the meanest thing to my sister... I take full blame for what I've said but it seems that since I've met Job I've definitely been a little less eloquent of a speaker. Things just happen to slip out of my mouth without forethought much more frequently than they ever have since the time when I could begin to comprehend the words I'm now using. I'm sorry Kaitlin... if you don't forgive me than I will just have to live with that but let it be known that I never meant to say that.
It's Friday, I'm tired, got 3 hours of sleep last night, this is a comma splice, I don't care...
Mandy ~ 4:11 PM
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Reflections
As I sit here listening to Coldplay and thinking about my life for a the minute or possibly two that I have left on the pc because my brother's kicking me off I realize how good I have it. I may have my bad times like when Eddy Stefonik said he'll buy me a paper bag for my ugly face so he doesn't have to look at it in front of my 4th hour class... That was pointless but I almost starting crying today because of him. Of him I felt so horrible when once in my life I started thinking I wasn't that bad after countless people telling me I'm pretty like Job, Liz, Sawyer, and all of my other friends. I guess I've overestimated what self confidence I've tried to build but that's not what I intended on writing about...
I just read Em's blog and she's being pushed around by a certain jerk *Chila* (yes, I spelt his name wrong on purpose) but I think it's bullshit because he has no idea what she has to do. He shouldn't be allowed to tell off those who have much better priorities and the insight of which to make them. Yes, Jake you may get good grades but you have to be one of the biggest retards that I know. That's all I have time for but I must say I completely agree with Emily. I also wanted to talk about the calc program Job wrote me but no time. Love ya!
~Later... Much Later as in the Next Day Later~
I never got to finish my post so I felt rather cheated. What did I want to talk about now? Oh yes, reflecting upon my life and even if at times it may suck I still enjoy it. Job mostly has been there for me and occasionally a friend or two but not usually. Lately I've noticed this because all of my friends are having problems and mostly in relationships. I also really appreciate Three Doors Down, they're a really good band... I'm listening to "The Road I'm On". *sigh* I'm tired and I have been and I thoroughly enjoy the time I have to just sit and relax after school.
Today I walked 3.5 miles in senior walking and tomorrow we're walking 4 miles. So far (accumulative) I've walked 80 miles... in just this quarter and we still have 2 weeks left! I finally understand the meaning of 'walk it off' about half way through the walk my legs hurt insanely but as I kept pushing and walking myself to walk faster the pain just melded away. About 10 minutes before we were done I was completely pain-free although I stopped walking and my legs were of the consistancy of something between rubber and jello.
I just had a spanish test today and it took me up until the last 5 minutes of class and by then everyone except this guy she calls crystal ball and hillary-mercede were done. I really analysed everything and I was so worried about it and it felt easy but I bet anything I'm going to get a C on it. Everyone else told me after I was done (the people who finished really early) that they thought they failed because they didn't know anything and especially the listening comprehension. I guess we won't know until the scores come back... it was like a 6-8 page (página) test. So far I'm getting an A in the class so I think I'm doing ok.
About the calculator program. Job actually reformed it and added some stuff. He opened the program and it said 'Do You Love' (hit enter) 'Your Mandy?' -Yes -Maybe -No and if you choose no it says 'Someone else must have your calculator. Please try again.' and if you hit Maybe it says 'I know you and I know that's not the right answer. Please try again.' and then if you hit Yes it says something like 'I love you very much and I will always love you' (I know there was more) and then it goes on to a drawing of a heart that says I (Heart) and then Amanda inside the heart. It was so cute and thoughtful that he sat down and figured out a program to make me that.
As I sit here listening to Coldplay and thinking about my life for a the minute or possibly two that I have left on the pc because my brother's kicking me off I realize how good I have it. I may have my bad times like when Eddy Stefonik said he'll buy me a paper bag for my ugly face so he doesn't have to look at it in front of my 4th hour class... That was pointless but I almost starting crying today because of him. Of him I felt so horrible when once in my life I started thinking I wasn't that bad after countless people telling me I'm pretty like Job, Liz, Sawyer, and all of my other friends. I guess I've overestimated what self confidence I've tried to build but that's not what I intended on writing about...
I just read Em's blog and she's being pushed around by a certain jerk *Chila* (yes, I spelt his name wrong on purpose) but I think it's bullshit because he has no idea what she has to do. He shouldn't be allowed to tell off those who have much better priorities and the insight of which to make them. Yes, Jake you may get good grades but you have to be one of the biggest retards that I know. That's all I have time for but I must say I completely agree with Emily. I also wanted to talk about the calc program Job wrote me but no time. Love ya!
~Later... Much Later as in the Next Day Later~
I never got to finish my post so I felt rather cheated. What did I want to talk about now? Oh yes, reflecting upon my life and even if at times it may suck I still enjoy it. Job mostly has been there for me and occasionally a friend or two but not usually. Lately I've noticed this because all of my friends are having problems and mostly in relationships. I also really appreciate Three Doors Down, they're a really good band... I'm listening to "The Road I'm On". *sigh* I'm tired and I have been and I thoroughly enjoy the time I have to just sit and relax after school.
Today I walked 3.5 miles in senior walking and tomorrow we're walking 4 miles. So far (accumulative) I've walked 80 miles... in just this quarter and we still have 2 weeks left! I finally understand the meaning of 'walk it off' about half way through the walk my legs hurt insanely but as I kept pushing and walking myself to walk faster the pain just melded away. About 10 minutes before we were done I was completely pain-free although I stopped walking and my legs were of the consistancy of something between rubber and jello.
I just had a spanish test today and it took me up until the last 5 minutes of class and by then everyone except this guy she calls crystal ball and hillary-mercede were done. I really analysed everything and I was so worried about it and it felt easy but I bet anything I'm going to get a C on it. Everyone else told me after I was done (the people who finished really early) that they thought they failed because they didn't know anything and especially the listening comprehension. I guess we won't know until the scores come back... it was like a 6-8 page (página) test. So far I'm getting an A in the class so I think I'm doing ok.
About the calculator program. Job actually reformed it and added some stuff. He opened the program and it said 'Do You Love' (hit enter) 'Your Mandy?' -Yes -Maybe -No and if you choose no it says 'Someone else must have your calculator. Please try again.' and if you hit Maybe it says 'I know you and I know that's not the right answer. Please try again.' and then if you hit Yes it says something like 'I love you very much and I will always love you' (I know there was more) and then it goes on to a drawing of a heart that says I (Heart) and then Amanda inside the heart. It was so cute and thoughtful that he sat down and figured out a program to make me that.
Mandy ~ 8:27 PM
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Flattered Through Acceptance
My grandma Mary Ann just called. I answered the phone and when I asked her how she was she said 'I wish I could've kept Job.' She just went on and on and my face probably went five shades of red with embarassment at how much she liked him. I love acceptance and it can be just as good if not better when it's acceptance of the one you love from someone so important as your beloved grandma. I just about lost it when she said 'You found your true prince' that I told her my mom was available because I knew that's whom she called to talk to. I'm so elated that my (favorite, shhh!) grandma loves Job so much and she said he could come back any time.
*sigh* Now to get back from my dream world...
Last night Job had a football game against D.C. Everest-the tree people, hehe. They lost 46-14 but everyone anticipated the score to be much worse... I think I heard one prediction at 60-6. Job did really good... he got the only fumble, tackled the quarter back, and had to run across the field a few times to get the guys ours didn't cover... I froze but that's of no importance because I'm just fine today. The only thing that hurts are my lower legs (they've been hurting for weeks now) and my left knee is doing something funky underneathe the kneecap... it's making like a squishy and creaky noise and it hurts to walk up stairs especially. I bet it's just sore because I'm stupid. So right after I got done with pep band a certain someone went out of his way to say hi... and not someone I really cared to reply to either... Zach Farris. I said a quick hi and walked right to Job's dad.
Then I went back to the band room (actually ran to murphey's van which was right at the end of the intersection by school) and put my clarinet away and then ran back to the game for the end of the 3rd and then the 4th quarter. Then I waited for Job and we ran (yet again) back to the RHS but stopped a couple hundred feet short because my picnic blanket was only catching the wind and making it extremely hard to run. I probably hurt my knee somewhere in between all of the running. Then Job and his dad insisted they give me a ride home, which was very nice of him and I went to sleep around midnight.
Then I had some freaky dreams about how Drew Flory was bet a lot of money that he couldn't get me to cheat on Job and so he had some potion that basically equated to date rape drugs and we made out and he was doing stuff to me and I guess he didn't give me enough because then I like woke up almost from it and started screaming at him and then I cried (after he left) and had Job come over immediately so I could tell him because I felt so guilty. When Job came over I cried again because he got really upset and he comforted me because it wasn't my fault. I hate dreams... or should I say nightmares. The only part I liked about it was Job comforting me and even then it wasn't that good because of actually thinking that thing with Drew happened. I was so happy when I woke up and realized it was a dream. I like my life way too much that I really don't want it to change except moving in this positive direction with Job... our plans that I really want to happen. Well I guess I'll write again later when there's something to write about.
Oh and before I forget I have a couple of updates on a previous blogger...
Pertaining to 'This Week Just Sucks, I Always have the Worst of Luck...'
1. I'm no longer failing Environmental Science. I was getting a B+ as of a week ago and I just did the test after school on Thursday and got a 93% on it (I got two questions wrong) so my grade might be up to an A- or an A.
2. The girl whom I got in the cat fight with has now unofficially requested peace.
3. Marching is over... it's concert time!
4. Senior Walking is still hard but I've been taking pills to help with my crappy muscles.
5. The hodags lost another football game but Liz wasn't there to make it seem like it was the worst thing on the face of the earth so I was fine with it.
6. Florian has been gone for a while now and I almost have all of Job's attention... almost.
7. I'm no longer sick... got over that a couple of weeks ago.
8. I don't have my period and I won't for another week.
9. I didn't get to go to the lesson but I probably would've just sat there the entire time anyway.
10. There's a small chance I might be able to go with Will and his mom to another Alterbridge concert in Greenbay but it's a very small chance.
11. I still haven't gone to a Greenbay Packer game but they always lose and they lost the game I could've gone to.
12. My sleeping patterns are still irregular but now I average about 7 hours per night and on the weekends I don't wake up until noon (earliest at 9).
13. Florian is gone!!! Hehe, already mentioned that. Oh and I have the appetite of a monster... which leads me to wonder...
Pst... another good thing. My 8 month anniversary was 3 days ago which made me really happy. Now I shall say goodbye.
My grandma Mary Ann just called. I answered the phone and when I asked her how she was she said 'I wish I could've kept Job.' She just went on and on and my face probably went five shades of red with embarassment at how much she liked him. I love acceptance and it can be just as good if not better when it's acceptance of the one you love from someone so important as your beloved grandma. I just about lost it when she said 'You found your true prince' that I told her my mom was available because I knew that's whom she called to talk to. I'm so elated that my (favorite, shhh!) grandma loves Job so much and she said he could come back any time.
*sigh* Now to get back from my dream world...
Last night Job had a football game against D.C. Everest-the tree people, hehe. They lost 46-14 but everyone anticipated the score to be much worse... I think I heard one prediction at 60-6. Job did really good... he got the only fumble, tackled the quarter back, and had to run across the field a few times to get the guys ours didn't cover... I froze but that's of no importance because I'm just fine today. The only thing that hurts are my lower legs (they've been hurting for weeks now) and my left knee is doing something funky underneathe the kneecap... it's making like a squishy and creaky noise and it hurts to walk up stairs especially. I bet it's just sore because I'm stupid. So right after I got done with pep band a certain someone went out of his way to say hi... and not someone I really cared to reply to either... Zach Farris. I said a quick hi and walked right to Job's dad.
Then I went back to the band room (actually ran to murphey's van which was right at the end of the intersection by school) and put my clarinet away and then ran back to the game for the end of the 3rd and then the 4th quarter. Then I waited for Job and we ran (yet again) back to the RHS but stopped a couple hundred feet short because my picnic blanket was only catching the wind and making it extremely hard to run. I probably hurt my knee somewhere in between all of the running. Then Job and his dad insisted they give me a ride home, which was very nice of him and I went to sleep around midnight.
Then I had some freaky dreams about how Drew Flory was bet a lot of money that he couldn't get me to cheat on Job and so he had some potion that basically equated to date rape drugs and we made out and he was doing stuff to me and I guess he didn't give me enough because then I like woke up almost from it and started screaming at him and then I cried (after he left) and had Job come over immediately so I could tell him because I felt so guilty. When Job came over I cried again because he got really upset and he comforted me because it wasn't my fault. I hate dreams... or should I say nightmares. The only part I liked about it was Job comforting me and even then it wasn't that good because of actually thinking that thing with Drew happened. I was so happy when I woke up and realized it was a dream. I like my life way too much that I really don't want it to change except moving in this positive direction with Job... our plans that I really want to happen. Well I guess I'll write again later when there's something to write about.
Oh and before I forget I have a couple of updates on a previous blogger...
Pertaining to 'This Week Just Sucks, I Always have the Worst of Luck...'
1. I'm no longer failing Environmental Science. I was getting a B+ as of a week ago and I just did the test after school on Thursday and got a 93% on it (I got two questions wrong) so my grade might be up to an A- or an A.
2. The girl whom I got in the cat fight with has now unofficially requested peace.
3. Marching is over... it's concert time!
4. Senior Walking is still hard but I've been taking pills to help with my crappy muscles.
5. The hodags lost another football game but Liz wasn't there to make it seem like it was the worst thing on the face of the earth so I was fine with it.
6. Florian has been gone for a while now and I almost have all of Job's attention... almost.
7. I'm no longer sick... got over that a couple of weeks ago.
8. I don't have my period and I won't for another week.
9. I didn't get to go to the lesson but I probably would've just sat there the entire time anyway.
10. There's a small chance I might be able to go with Will and his mom to another Alterbridge concert in Greenbay but it's a very small chance.
11. I still haven't gone to a Greenbay Packer game but they always lose and they lost the game I could've gone to.
12. My sleeping patterns are still irregular but now I average about 7 hours per night and on the weekends I don't wake up until noon (earliest at 9).
13. Florian is gone!!! Hehe, already mentioned that. Oh and I have the appetite of a monster... which leads me to wonder...
Pst... another good thing. My 8 month anniversary was 3 days ago which made me really happy. Now I shall say goodbye.
Mandy ~ 5:10 PM
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
A Little More... Than You Know
I'm quickly responding to one sentence from Kate's blogger. The one that mentioned my name (I talk as though the blogger wrote itself, funny).
i dont care what you say amanda, weve had probs but me and michael will work it out.
You direct that towards me for I am the only one with the bravery (or stupidity) to be brash enough to say so... I am not the only one who believes you two fight too much. Others even wonder aloud (whom have told me) why you are even with Michael... to that I will not respond for that is yours. Many people have debated over you and Michael when you never know and probably expect because you do think a lot revolves around you and for that I don't want to believe in that or deny it because when someone feels so strongly about something they can't help but voice their opinion.
To those whom I don't mention...
~'others' so phrased in that they seem not to exist only in that their opinions have been stated anonymously~ Me
Kaitlin, you may inquire as to who the 'others' were that have debated your relationship with Mike... I will say in response... take a glance, look around, the 'others' will be found...
~From the One You (Kate) Can Not Trust...
I'm quickly responding to one sentence from Kate's blogger. The one that mentioned my name (I talk as though the blogger wrote itself, funny).
i dont care what you say amanda, weve had probs but me and michael will work it out.
You direct that towards me for I am the only one with the bravery (or stupidity) to be brash enough to say so... I am not the only one who believes you two fight too much. Others even wonder aloud (whom have told me) why you are even with Michael... to that I will not respond for that is yours. Many people have debated over you and Michael when you never know and probably expect because you do think a lot revolves around you and for that I don't want to believe in that or deny it because when someone feels so strongly about something they can't help but voice their opinion.
To those whom I don't mention...
~'others' so phrased in that they seem not to exist only in that their opinions have been stated anonymously~ Me
Kaitlin, you may inquire as to who the 'others' were that have debated your relationship with Mike... I will say in response... take a glance, look around, the 'others' will be found...
~From the One You (Kate) Can Not Trust...
Mandy ~ 5:39 PM
Monday, October 04, 2004
As You've Come to Know Me
I want to respond to a couple of things from Kaitlin's blogger. I don't know why she wrote them but I must've said or done something to deserve her lash of words towards my relationship with her...
i dont trust a single person in this entire world. i dont know anyone enough to anymore. all of my close friends have betrayed me... i cant trust amanda, that is so evidently obvious.
You can't trust (or know) anyone because you've pushed everyone away to be with Mike even if you didn't intend to. All of your close friends have betrayed you because you let them... you created a big hole in all of your relations leaving them to think you didn't care for them anymore. I know this might not pertain to everyone of your friends but I know it pertains to quite a few including myself. And you may say the same about me with Job but honestly I willingly gave up my friends for him because he treats me better than they ever did. The relationship between us is completely mutual and I'm sorry but I really can't say the same for you and Mike... I mean there may be times when you aren't fighting but as of lately and even before the times preside when you fight more than you don't. I realize I'm going to get a lot of shit for writing this but seriously I feel as though I've kept these thoughts to myself and Job (for he is the only one who appreciates my true thoughts) for long enough. I was going to keep them between the two of us (Job and me) forever but since you indulged within yours I felt it was only fair to let you see mine. And now to respond to the previous blogger...
and it never occured to me to ever be jealous cause i havent been jealous since fifth grade which was of my older sister.
And of this sentence I don't completely understand. In that I mean I don't understand the context of which you refer to your 'older sister'. Now if you mean 'older sister' as in me I have no clue why you'd ever be jealous of me but I will assume because of my problems with self confidence that you were pertaining to the one we call 'sarah'. I can understand fully why you'd be jealous of her because she's always had a lot over us. Now I shall leave you with my prolonged thoughts... have fun.
I want to respond to a couple of things from Kaitlin's blogger. I don't know why she wrote them but I must've said or done something to deserve her lash of words towards my relationship with her...
i dont trust a single person in this entire world. i dont know anyone enough to anymore. all of my close friends have betrayed me... i cant trust amanda, that is so evidently obvious.
You can't trust (or know) anyone because you've pushed everyone away to be with Mike even if you didn't intend to. All of your close friends have betrayed you because you let them... you created a big hole in all of your relations leaving them to think you didn't care for them anymore. I know this might not pertain to everyone of your friends but I know it pertains to quite a few including myself. And you may say the same about me with Job but honestly I willingly gave up my friends for him because he treats me better than they ever did. The relationship between us is completely mutual and I'm sorry but I really can't say the same for you and Mike... I mean there may be times when you aren't fighting but as of lately and even before the times preside when you fight more than you don't. I realize I'm going to get a lot of shit for writing this but seriously I feel as though I've kept these thoughts to myself and Job (for he is the only one who appreciates my true thoughts) for long enough. I was going to keep them between the two of us (Job and me) forever but since you indulged within yours I felt it was only fair to let you see mine. And now to respond to the previous blogger...
and it never occured to me to ever be jealous cause i havent been jealous since fifth grade which was of my older sister.
And of this sentence I don't completely understand. In that I mean I don't understand the context of which you refer to your 'older sister'. Now if you mean 'older sister' as in me I have no clue why you'd ever be jealous of me but I will assume because of my problems with self confidence that you were pertaining to the one we call 'sarah'. I can understand fully why you'd be jealous of her because she's always had a lot over us. Now I shall leave you with my prolonged thoughts... have fun.
Mandy ~ 6:58 PM