Who I Am
These are my true thoughts...
My Past
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
Favorite Websites
albinoblacksheep.com
www.myspace.com
www.ebaumsworld.com
Credits of the Creator
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Picture found @ Digital Blasphemy
Saturday, November 27, 2004
I Love My Helmet
The last two days I spent at Ski Brule in Michagan. I stayed in a condo called Buckhorn right next to the resort. I skiied both days and didn't do especially well. Yesterday was especially discerning...
It all started after about 4-5 hours of sleep when I awoke to get ready to be picked up by Mrs. Cihla to drive up to the chalet by Ski Brule. They were considerably late but I didn't mind... *3 hours later* We're finally suited up and ready to ride the slopes. I waited at the bottom of the bunny hill for a while expecting to see my hunny when Jake stopped by me. I was finally persuaded by Jake who didn't know I was waiting for Job (not his fault, entirely mine) to hit the slopes and I followed behind him to the lift.
Jake's choice was Log Jam and I cautiously followed behind. I made it about half way down the hill (right before the steep decline) and saw the decline and biffed it up against the side of the slope. My leg hurt really bad and I couldn't move so I just layed there having full intention of getting up and continuing back down after I had gotten a small rest. Instead a man stop by and asked me how I was and I said not too good but I could get up if I tried. He sent his wife ahead without even asking to get ski patrol for me. Within minutes they were up there and putting me on a toboggan and skiied me down the rest of the hill into the first aid shed. They checked me out and I knew nothing was seriously wrong and gave me some ice packs and Jake took me back to the chalet with Job.
Then Job helped me into the chalet and into a back room where I layed on the bed and he waited ever so patiently with me until I knew I could get up again. About an hour to an hour and a half later we left back for the slopes. We decided to go down the easiest slope that was open... Snow Shoe. I think we made a few runs and then proceeded to 'take it easy' on the bunny hill until we decided to get in one last run before the day had ended. We went back up and I was so tired I just tucked and went straight down the hill without stopping at all.
By this time my knees were killing from all of the turns and I somehow decided in my retarded head to just skip turns. I made it all the way down except for about 100 ft from the lifts at the bottom when someone (I think a male boarder) cut in front of me and I lost it and just tumbled (I guess, I don't remember- this is what I was told from eyewitnesses) and then I slammed my head against the first post in the wooden fence which happened to be metal. All I remember is seeing the pole and the invading boarder and then all is gone from my stupid, little head.
Then I was in an ambulance and all of these people wouldn't let me sleep although sleep and my Job was all I wanted. Kate accompanied me in the ride and I managed to keep my eyes open even though they fluttered infinite times to try and convince me sleep was the best option. Then I was in the ER and being wheeled around a lot. One guy had me and then another and this whole time telling me their names and that I should remember them if I were questioned. I do remember through word association that 'Quinn' was one of the nurses but I couldn't remember the other 4 or 5 names. Somewhere I was x-rayed by this guy and then I was magically back in the ER where I had started. I thought they made a mistake but then I saw Kate and Mrs. Cihla. Kate seemed rather shaken but Mrs. Cihla seemed non-chalant and as cool as a cucumber.
Then something about lots of questions and I answered them all correctly abour my number and where I lived and all of my information and Kate called home and informed my mom. Then I was helped up after Kate put my shoes on and I just walked out. It was snowing and I had to go to the bathroom but then there was something about getting dinner and I remember looking at my face in the mirror of the van. They stopped at a pasty shop? and didn't get pasties because of the poor selection. We went back because Jake was making bacon and pancakes instead.
Back at the cabin I had a few pieces of bacon but I was so nauseated that I was afraid to throw up because they said if I did to bring me right back because I might have head trauma. So out of fear of puking and actually having been hurt that badly I barely ate anything and proceeded in laying on the couch and trying to stay conscious although I slipped a few times. Then Katie Barbian being the wonderful woman she is cleared our her room and her bed for me to sleep in. Then she proceeded in helping me into bed. Then I remember trying to find a comfortable sleeping position because on my right side I had the mushy, bruised leg from my first bad fall but on the left I had my whole left side, which was pounded against a lovely metal post.
Finally I agreed with myself sleeping on my back was my best bet even though I hate sleeping on my back and many times I awoke myself in pain as my brain told me it was better to sleep on my side. I was woken up by myself in this manner about 10 times and I really hope I didn't wake anyone else up because I was groaning in pain very loudly. I knew I didn't wake Kate up because she was completely out of it. So I'm really not doing this typing thing all too well I think but I can finish this later? I have homework that I'm sure I won't even get around to. My eyes and everything else is throbbing in a nice rythem or rythm... m, em, m... ok. Well yea...
The last two days I spent at Ski Brule in Michagan. I stayed in a condo called Buckhorn right next to the resort. I skiied both days and didn't do especially well. Yesterday was especially discerning...
It all started after about 4-5 hours of sleep when I awoke to get ready to be picked up by Mrs. Cihla to drive up to the chalet by Ski Brule. They were considerably late but I didn't mind... *3 hours later* We're finally suited up and ready to ride the slopes. I waited at the bottom of the bunny hill for a while expecting to see my hunny when Jake stopped by me. I was finally persuaded by Jake who didn't know I was waiting for Job (not his fault, entirely mine) to hit the slopes and I followed behind him to the lift.
Jake's choice was Log Jam and I cautiously followed behind. I made it about half way down the hill (right before the steep decline) and saw the decline and biffed it up against the side of the slope. My leg hurt really bad and I couldn't move so I just layed there having full intention of getting up and continuing back down after I had gotten a small rest. Instead a man stop by and asked me how I was and I said not too good but I could get up if I tried. He sent his wife ahead without even asking to get ski patrol for me. Within minutes they were up there and putting me on a toboggan and skiied me down the rest of the hill into the first aid shed. They checked me out and I knew nothing was seriously wrong and gave me some ice packs and Jake took me back to the chalet with Job.
Then Job helped me into the chalet and into a back room where I layed on the bed and he waited ever so patiently with me until I knew I could get up again. About an hour to an hour and a half later we left back for the slopes. We decided to go down the easiest slope that was open... Snow Shoe. I think we made a few runs and then proceeded to 'take it easy' on the bunny hill until we decided to get in one last run before the day had ended. We went back up and I was so tired I just tucked and went straight down the hill without stopping at all.
By this time my knees were killing from all of the turns and I somehow decided in my retarded head to just skip turns. I made it all the way down except for about 100 ft from the lifts at the bottom when someone (I think a male boarder) cut in front of me and I lost it and just tumbled (I guess, I don't remember- this is what I was told from eyewitnesses) and then I slammed my head against the first post in the wooden fence which happened to be metal. All I remember is seeing the pole and the invading boarder and then all is gone from my stupid, little head.
Then I was in an ambulance and all of these people wouldn't let me sleep although sleep and my Job was all I wanted. Kate accompanied me in the ride and I managed to keep my eyes open even though they fluttered infinite times to try and convince me sleep was the best option. Then I was in the ER and being wheeled around a lot. One guy had me and then another and this whole time telling me their names and that I should remember them if I were questioned. I do remember through word association that 'Quinn' was one of the nurses but I couldn't remember the other 4 or 5 names. Somewhere I was x-rayed by this guy and then I was magically back in the ER where I had started. I thought they made a mistake but then I saw Kate and Mrs. Cihla. Kate seemed rather shaken but Mrs. Cihla seemed non-chalant and as cool as a cucumber.
Then something about lots of questions and I answered them all correctly abour my number and where I lived and all of my information and Kate called home and informed my mom. Then I was helped up after Kate put my shoes on and I just walked out. It was snowing and I had to go to the bathroom but then there was something about getting dinner and I remember looking at my face in the mirror of the van. They stopped at a pasty shop? and didn't get pasties because of the poor selection. We went back because Jake was making bacon and pancakes instead.
Back at the cabin I had a few pieces of bacon but I was so nauseated that I was afraid to throw up because they said if I did to bring me right back because I might have head trauma. So out of fear of puking and actually having been hurt that badly I barely ate anything and proceeded in laying on the couch and trying to stay conscious although I slipped a few times. Then Katie Barbian being the wonderful woman she is cleared our her room and her bed for me to sleep in. Then she proceeded in helping me into bed. Then I remember trying to find a comfortable sleeping position because on my right side I had the mushy, bruised leg from my first bad fall but on the left I had my whole left side, which was pounded against a lovely metal post.
Finally I agreed with myself sleeping on my back was my best bet even though I hate sleeping on my back and many times I awoke myself in pain as my brain told me it was better to sleep on my side. I was woken up by myself in this manner about 10 times and I really hope I didn't wake anyone else up because I was groaning in pain very loudly. I knew I didn't wake Kate up because she was completely out of it. So I'm really not doing this typing thing all too well I think but I can finish this later? I have homework that I'm sure I won't even get around to. My eyes and everything else is throbbing in a nice rythem or rythm... m, em, m... ok. Well yea...
Mandy ~ 5:41 PM
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Unrelenting Anger
Pissed
Won’t dismiss
My anger
Towards her
Her guilt
Won’t wilt
My emotions
She has no notion
Of what she’s doing
To me
Of what’s brewing
When she disagrees
This is a vacation?
Temptation
To rebel
Tell her to go to hell
Can’t subdue
My view
Her favoritism
Equals my cynicism
What if I just disappear?
I know, you’ll fear
Your reputation
With no explanation
You’ll lie
Like you always do
Apply
What you know isn’t true
Use your excuses
Which confuses
You
Words untrue
Dip deep
Deeper in your hole
Of deceit
When you keep repeating
Can’t stop
Forever on your treadmill
Of lies
Oh, yay. Another blog that didn't get posted. Another thing to just fucking piss me off aside from being denied having Job over for the first time in 2 weeks when Sarah's had Blaise over every night for the past couple of weeks up until last night when she said he couldn't come over. Then we have Kate who has Jake and Mike over whenever she pleases and doesn't even have to ask. Then there's Ben and the only reason he hasn't been having anyone over is because when he goes places he can drink and smoke. Here there are always those restrictions. I wish I could just go out and get hammered because I'm really getting sick of everything and almost everyone.
Job... my anti-everything... he's the only one there for me almost all of the time besides now when he can't be with me and other times when he has football or wrestling or something else family related. Being with him makes me feel the need for nothing else... I just feel completely satisfied when I'm with him just because I know those strong arms will hold me no matter what anyone else thinks, and those beautiful brown/hazel eyes will tell me of his sympathies and the smile which is almost exclusively mine will shine through my darkest emotions.
Then you put all of those together with many other very pleasant things and I’ve got the best thing in the world. Then knowing that leads to wanting it all the time and then having to restrict it to (at most) once a week and I guess this whole vacation I won’t see him and in that I wouldn’t even call it a vacation at all… merely a leave of absence. I’d rather be in school just so I know I can see him every day.
Oh the silent, written wish for needed comfort at times like these...
Pissed
Won’t dismiss
My anger
Towards her
Her guilt
Won’t wilt
My emotions
She has no notion
Of what she’s doing
To me
Of what’s brewing
When she disagrees
This is a vacation?
Temptation
To rebel
Tell her to go to hell
Can’t subdue
My view
Her favoritism
Equals my cynicism
What if I just disappear?
I know, you’ll fear
Your reputation
With no explanation
You’ll lie
Like you always do
Apply
What you know isn’t true
Use your excuses
Which confuses
You
Words untrue
Dip deep
Deeper in your hole
Of deceit
When you keep repeating
Can’t stop
Forever on your treadmill
Of lies
Oh, yay. Another blog that didn't get posted. Another thing to just fucking piss me off aside from being denied having Job over for the first time in 2 weeks when Sarah's had Blaise over every night for the past couple of weeks up until last night when she said he couldn't come over. Then we have Kate who has Jake and Mike over whenever she pleases and doesn't even have to ask. Then there's Ben and the only reason he hasn't been having anyone over is because when he goes places he can drink and smoke. Here there are always those restrictions. I wish I could just go out and get hammered because I'm really getting sick of everything and almost everyone.
Job... my anti-everything... he's the only one there for me almost all of the time besides now when he can't be with me and other times when he has football or wrestling or something else family related. Being with him makes me feel the need for nothing else... I just feel completely satisfied when I'm with him just because I know those strong arms will hold me no matter what anyone else thinks, and those beautiful brown/hazel eyes will tell me of his sympathies and the smile which is almost exclusively mine will shine through my darkest emotions.
Then you put all of those together with many other very pleasant things and I’ve got the best thing in the world. Then knowing that leads to wanting it all the time and then having to restrict it to (at most) once a week and I guess this whole vacation I won’t see him and in that I wouldn’t even call it a vacation at all… merely a leave of absence. I’d rather be in school just so I know I can see him every day.
Oh the silent, written wish for needed comfort at times like these...
Mandy ~ 10:56 AM