~The Music of My Life~

Thursday, January 27, 2005

HEAVY *sigh*

So today was a bad day for me at ski practice. Job came up into the weight room during my ski practice because he had a meet tonight (couldn't participate because of his bad shoulder). So he kept me company while everyone else was working out because I couldn't do anything with my shin splints. Job gave me a back massage and I just sat in front of him on one of the machines and I guess I should've just sent him away. So then Greg told me I could do the next things.

One of which happened to be pushups and normally I'd be fine with that but since I hurt my shoulder trying to bench too much (not entirely my fault) pushups just weren't on the list for me. I bucked it up regardless of my shoulder and started doing pushups. Well I noticed my shoulder would pop in and back out every push up and it just kept getting more and more painful. I ended up doing about 15 until I started taking breaks to relieve some pain and then I started grunting (from the pain). All the while my coach, Greg pushing me to keep going even after I started crying. I'd stop and Greg would just keep telling me to do more until I quit when I started sobbing from the pain and I begged Job to get me ice for my shoulder.

Then while doing all of the ab workouts I hurt it more by doing cherry pickers when my shoulder would hit the ground and I started crying again. Afterwards meetings for the girls' and boys' teams were called. Katie Barbian told us we had to work harder and push ourselves and she gave us credit for working as hard as we were but it just wasn't where we could be. Katie said she could see I was in a lot of pain from my shins and shoulder and I was crazy pushing myself so much. Even though what I hear from the coaches is 'not anywhere near good enough'.

Then Greg kept me up there to tell me I was too affectionate with Job in the weight room. I understand it too because Job tends to be really affectionate no matter where we are even though I've told him it's only appropriate in private. Then I see Sonja sitting back with her head in Kip's crotch and I just ignore it. Or when they're always flirting and Sonja's on her back with Kip on top of her... nothing compared to Job having his arms around me. I know it pisses off a lot of people too and that's the last thing I want to do but it's so hypocritical of Sonja to stand there telling me 'yea, it's really bad, you shouldn't even touch him'. And then when she's not on Kip she's hanging on Mike, throwing her arms around him. I understand she's been on the team longer and she skis much better but that shouldn't mean she shouldn't get punished for what I get punished for when we're both guilty. I just wished she'd stop thinking about herself for two seconds to actually see where I am and all of her arrogant shit. I just wanted to slap her... I'm out before I make myself more angry thinking about the whole situation.

Mandy ~ 8:52 PM

Monday, January 24, 2005

So Long a Time has Passed

So... today the new quarter started and aside from never seeing Job (which sucks more than words can express) I'm upset at the future outlook of this quarter.

First hour I have Wind Ensemble (which happened to become cleanup day today, well cleanup after everyone else that is when we only have a month until S n E), Intermediate Writing 2nd hour (which is basically a ton of writing that has eluded me as of this first day), Drawing 2 3rd hour (which magically became the 1st art class to become a skinny or I'd have lunch with Job *mumbles profanity* and has turned out to be... copy others' work and make it into your own by changing just enough not to consider it 'plagiarism' and then NOT draw it-hence the title of the class- but instead cut out the pieces and glue them to a big poster board), and then I have Spanish 2a 4th hour (which has shown me Senora Marquez really didn't teach me enough to prepare me for another teacher when Lefebre got into different tenses and conjugated forms we never went over and all of this other stuff that's completely different and not to mention it's hard enough going between two ENTIRELY DIFFERENT TEACHERS AND TEACHING STYLES!!!).

To top it off I have 2nd lunch all alone. I almost started crying when I went into the lunchroom 2nd lunch. A room of unconnected faces did anything but welcome me and all in their horrible little cliques. And I say this as a hypocrite because band is my clique but I would welcome any who wished to travel the path of the band geek at any hour.

As of 1st hour we've been banned from ever eating or drinking ever again in the band room... my sanctuary. The end of a chapter has come and a sad closing it is. I knew the end of my senior year I'd be omitted from my life as a band geek at RHS where I spent many happy years in the pride of my band geekness but never did I think so soon at such an abrupt end. It was ever so declining since... Zunker became band director but now I can feel the beginning of the end. *sigh* What a wonderful and yet horrible chapter in the book of my life. I'll still have my bandies and our memories.

Sorry for the drama... good night all.

Mandy ~ 9:26 PM