~The Music of My Life~

Saturday, December 31, 2005

You People Need to Write More!!!

Great post Chris *rolls eyes* I'm suprised you have had time to write anything with how busy you've been. Well for New Years Job got his parents to let him have a co-ed sleepover under the rules that the girls sleep upstairs in his room and the guys sleep downstairs in the basement. I highly doubt we'll be sleeping that much anyway. I've got a lot of stuff planned and Job and I are going to wake up early to go shopping like with a cart like a real married couple! Yes, I'm weird that that excites me...

Origionally it was only supposed to be Kt, Chris, Job, and myself but then Kaitlin wanted to go with Ben so she could be with him for New Years and Job barely got the approval because 6 was starting to push the boundaries a little. Job's such a sweetie and he already set up all of the bedding for the girls and the guys are just going to "wing it" downstairs. There's a couch and a pull-away bed and Job likes to sleep on the floor or so he says *sigh* You're such a sweetie! Up in Job's bedroom he has a couch and a bed and for Kaitlin he hauled up the army cot in between the two so it's going to be Kt on the couch, Kaitlin on the cot, and me in his bed. I know, I'm so horrible taking the bed but actually, it'd be really weird for both Job and me if Kt or Kaitlin were to sleep in the bed instead of myself.

OMG, I have another message from MySpace from some guy I don't even know. WTF! I keep getting these annoying 'Brett wants to im you: yes or no?' or some guy wants to im me things when I'm trying to check my MySpace and even when I do select 'no' they still keep popping up! I'm considering taking my pictures off from it so the guys stop or putting up a pic of my left hand with my ring from Job.

Anyway, about the party... Everyone seems to be like they don't really care with the exception of Job, Kt, and myself. I'm having a convo with Matt, a guy I met on EQ that's uber nice and helps me lvl and here's a little something something about the planning...

mandy says:
i like to be spontaneous at times but when there's a party or something... i like to plan everything, try to make it as smooth as possible
matthew says:
yeah
mandy says:
ideally, we wanted to get every to job's by 4ish so we could start the new years eve fun, and job could come into town, pick up all 3 of us because we all live 5 minutes apart
matthew says:
well thats not bad 4 is a good time to start
mandy says:
and then kate and ben joined the equation but not before kt informed me she was having lunch with her grandma and then going to her aunt's until at least 3, which isn't that bad and then chris informed me he wanted to hang out with cass that night and he wouldn't give me any definite answer besides him wanting to go but how he's going to get 40 minutes out to job's house without a license or a car
mandy says:
is beyond me
mandy says:
and then kate reminded me about the wedding and ben (her bf) informed me he had to work
mandy says:
so he wasn't taking kate to the reception and he also has to work on the 1st so he can't stay the night
mandy says:
which sux because then is kate staying or going with ben? because job already set up the girl's room and her bed
matthew says:
wow thats all messed up
mandy says:
very
mandy says:
so kate won't be getting done until the reception's over and that may be at like 11 pm so then they come and leave after half an hour? so ben can take kate home and get home himself in time to wake up for work the following morning?
matthew says:
the reception will probly be over by then
mandy says:
so *big sigh* what i have so far is that job and i are going into town around noonish to go shopping for all of the food and drink and then we're going back to his house to just hang out until we get some definite answers, i gave kt job's home number because it's unlisted because his mom is a counselor and works with people who aren't right in the head and yea...
matthew says:
wow
matthew says:
yeah dont want a stalker
mandy says:
so, kt's going to call me in the morning, hopefully before i leave for shopping because i was trying to talk to her while she was at chris's house tonight but they were all partying or something and she couldn't even get directions because when she locked herself in the bathroom, chris came and pounded on the door
matthew says:
wow, ya know i wish i had problems like that right now
mandy says:
SO... i couldn't even tell her i wasn't going to be here noon and after but i did manage to get her job's number

Yea... that's not even everything that's going on either... I hope this party isn't going to suck. *BIG sigh* Here's my try...

Mandy ~ 12:00 AM

Sunday, December 25, 2005

I Can Post if I Want To!

So, today I went skiing with Job, Jake, Josh, and Jake's new gf... Ya Yen Son or something like that... sorry, that I can't remember her name, I could barely say it, haha. She's uber nice anyway. We went to BlackJack and ran into Ian Abrams, his dad, and a friend. I had so much fun and when we actually got there it was really foggy so the first run you looked at driving up to the hill looked like it extended up to the heavens or whatever is up there. Job and I ended up taking 12 pictures of the scenery from the chairlift and each other taking jumps on the snowboard hill, hehe, us silly skiiers on the boarder's hill. Muwhahaha, I can't wait to see those pics.

Everyone loved my gifts... even Ben who said 'fuck you' when he found out I got him a gift. Hehe, he loved it so he pat me on the head... Hey, Ben's few and far between with his affection so I'll take what he'll give me even if it isn't a hug.

Job was using his new skate skis (sp.?) and he even skiied backwards which I commended him for. Hmmm... my mom made a delicious dinner and I shoved my face full of it in 10 minutes flat because I was starving since Job and I ate (I had a peanut butter sandwhich and a clementine for lunch and a powdered donut for breakfast) at noon and I got home 7 hours later! SEVEN hours without having eaten anything and only working off from a sandwhich, donut, and a clementine for the rest of the day since 5 am... I need to eat more! MORE!!!

Mandy ~ 9:59 PM

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Yes!

Ok, tonight I had a good time... all by myself too! I wrapped presents for Sarah, Kate, Ben, Mickey, and my grandparents... even myself, haha... I'm making a joke that when we open presents tomorrow morning that (the one I wrapped for myself was body wash and I wrapped it really badly and on the light side I wrote 'This is for you Smelly!' and drew stink lines coming off from the 'smelly' and I'm going to act all offended and say 'omg, do I really smell that bad?!' and just say something improvised. It should be great fun. I'm the only one who bought presents, hehe, but I don't mind because I love wrapping them! Omg, it was so unbelievably fun... yes, I'm a dork. My mom told me I should become a professional present wrapper. That and I wrote funny things in the 'from:' box like to Ben and Mickey... I didn't know what to get them so I bought them lindor truffles *small pieces of heaven!* and wrote in the from box... Candyclausy and to Sarah... earlier today I was joking around and made up a freestyle rap and part of it was... in the from box: 'The wrapper, I'm gonna cap her'...

I'm so glad all you gangstas out there don't know where I live or do you?! Crap, maybe I shouldn't post this or I might end up with swimming with the fishes... Shows how much I know about gangstas... I think swimming with fishes deal with the mofia? So now I have pictures of fishes dancing around in dance lines with caps... like the starkist tuna!

http://www.emerchandise.com/images/p/SKT/pdWLSKT0001.jpg

Wow... Merry Christmas! Screw being politically correct, I'm already dealing with the ganstas and the mofia and now ummm every religion outside of Christainity even though I'm agnostic *sigh* When did I come by so many enemies?!

Mandy ~ 6:39 PM

Thursday, December 22, 2005

I Miss You, Marty

Today was my last day of work as was Marty's... I almost cried when she came back to say good bye to Teresa and me. At the time I was going through her files and cleaning... which basically means I've been her assistant for the past couple of weeks to aid her in her retirement. In the process I've gone through hundreds of files and probably thousands of papers and recycled them all. After Marty walked down the stairs I remembered earlier today finding a file folder in which she drew her name and colored it in with markers and drew a smiley face next to it. I furiously dug through the recycling bin and found it about a foot down and kept it. I showed it to Teresa because we were both choking back tears and she said we had to keep it. I gave it to Teresa and she smiled and tucked it away up on her shelf.

It was the end of Marty's 45 years and there Teresa and I stood, over a folder with Marty's name and drawing of a smiley face. I couldn't continue my filing job because I recalled a comment Marty made yesterday... "Did you already finish all of those files I gave you?" and I replied with a yes and she just looked taken aback and shocked. Then I thought today while cleaning more files that for 45 years she advised and taught those lessons that in no less than a week, someone that had only known her for a few months, had deleted. I just came in and recycled everything... all of her lessons, papers, folders, files, everything... her memories... that recycling bin just looked evil and I was aiding it in deleting 45 years. I haven't even lived 20 years and I deleted 45 in two weeks. I hate change and I already miss Marty even though I only knew her a few months... she was crazy and funny and everything in my office reminds me of her...

When I decorated my inbox for work with a chain of paperclips she said 'Aww, that's cute but what if someone needs a paperclip?' it was nice and funny at the same time and the paperclips themselves remind me of filing and cleaning her files and keeping all of the paperclips... some of those paperclips are older than me, probably most come to think of it. I remember her telling me about the guys in her math class turning to gawk at me when I passed the room and her funny joke about how she was going to make a sign saying 'All beautiful girls, including Amanda Marquardt, please come in and introduce yourselves to my class'. I pouted at Marty and her eyes told me she didn't want to leave either... she smiled and bid me farewell and promised she'd visit but... it just won't be the same. It'll never be the same on that floor in those offices ever again. Marty made it right...

Happy holidays...

Mandy ~ 4:18 PM

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Life is Meant to be Like This...

Full of pain and deceit and I might as well do what I want before I die because that moment could be my next and I don't want to live knowing I wanted to do something and never even tried. Here's my weak attempt to leave the comfort of love to seek out what I need to know.

For What was Had

Sink
Past words
Think last
Of what was heard

Into the screen
Of everything
You’ve seen
Trying to sing
For times gone
Recent time’s dawn

You long
For
That bittersweet song
To ignore
What’s now
And how
It happened so
Hoping he’ll never know

Such things
One naked ring
From your head
Regret of
What you said
Let love
In your heart
Set it apart

You said
And I did
I’ve read
Other’s vivid
Wants-not my own
Have truly shown
What one craves
Cutting, the knife
Be brave
This is life

You must find
Your own mind
Or live the cost
Of a lonely one lost

Mandy ~ 3:48 PM

Friday, December 16, 2005

Emily, I'm Sorry

Truly, I never wrote what I did to hurt your feelings. I'm just lonely and I read people's blogs to make me feel unlonely. No one knows me either... no one knows that I've been sick for the past week, but that's no biggy, no one knows that I'm not eating because I can't- it all comes right back up and no one knows that I've dropped down to 105 lbs... I was up to 120 a few weeks ago. I don't even feel hungry anymore, just nauseous and tired with a constant headache. No biggy. Honestly, I'm trying to distance myself from everyone, cut them out of my life, and I only hurt myself but I will reach my goal because when I die I don't want anyone to be sad. You may think I'm stupid and that by pushing people away I'll make them unhappy but what I've realized is people easily forget... so what can I say? I've always been a people-pleaser. I'm going to go take a nap.

Mandy ~ 1:34 PM

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Yay!

You guys are nuts and I'm happy, woo-hoo! I made a new friend too. Things are swell.

Mandy ~ 10:09 PM

Misunderstood

I love how everyone takes what I say as offensive and something to bitch about... I say one little thing and people jump to their own conclusions. I'm so glad I graduated because college has been a lot better than that shit. I shall name Murphey King of Assumptions. Thanks for trying to ruin my wonderful day.

Mandy ~ 3:21 PM

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I Said No Offense

I say what I feel from now on and if anyone takes offense, let it be known I did not say it to harm the feelings of others... I guess it's called brutally honest for a reason...

Hmmm, I strangly feel attractive for once in my life... Two days ago I was walking down the stairs in the UTC to the bathroom and a few guys from Brad's Math class were trying to get my attention saying 'Hey sexy' and things to that accord. Then today when I was walking into the gas station (of all places) the driver of the car next to us rolled down her window and two guys in the back were trying to get my attention. Then today, before that, to top it off... Marty Neis, a teacher that I sometimes work for told me (when I asked her for a student's last name) that every time I walk past her Math class (an only guy class that I have to walk by downstairs while running errands at work) that the guys say 'Oh, it's Amanda!'... I guess the first time I walked by some guys must have taken notice and Brad offered my name... *rolls eyes* So, Marty jokingly said she might as well put up a sign outside of her class "Any Beautiful Women are Welcome to Come in and Introduce Themselves". I was actually considering it...

"Hi, my name's Amanda, as you seem to know from what I've been told. I'm 19, 5'6", 115 lbs, and I've been dating my bf, Job Morton (prior football player and a wrestler at the 171 weight class) for almost 2 years."~Walks out...

Mandy ~ 8:05 PM

Monday, December 12, 2005

mer

Why... no offense to those who do this... do people just post a whole song that is #1 not written by them #2 the reader has no idea why they posted it because #3 the only writing in the whole post is the song or the only other writing does not describe how the song relates to them. Idk, just a little pet peeve of mine... not like all of you don't have them yourselves, but it's like I go to someone's blog to check up on them and see if they've posted something that'll let me know how they're doing/feeling and then all I get are lyrics from someone I've never met... someone whom, no offense, I don't care about because I don't know them. It's like a person wants to post but instead of writing about their feelings they take the easy way out and use someone elses in place of theirs...

So... hmmm, what to say. I'm sick but it's nothing too bad. Just the normal fever, losing voice, scratchy throat, runny nose, constant headache, congestion, and disorientated- cold thing happening. I missed my first two classes and I'm really hoping my final wasn't today in art appr. Oh well if it was, nothing I can do about it besides talk to Bob.

Woot to only having 4 days left of class!

Mandy ~ 6:15 PM

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Alone, As the Rest

Casting cut crazies
Paying for lazy-
Ness
Confess
You lie
I bleed
The sky
You speed
Through
The true
Of my blood
Sink
In the flood
You think
You know
Me
That I don't show
The sea
Of my feelings
Stealing
Glances
Missing chances
On the side
Where you preside
In life
Stife-le
Kill
At will
Condemned to be
A rarity

Just a little something I threw together with the feelings inside. Whatever would I do without you, my Job? If no one can interpret this it's quite simple... it's about people who watch life and other people, instead of living their own, and how they get caught in their lies and end up falling through life. How the jealous use the relatively happy people as something to bring down, in essence, killing them in hopes that when the previously happy people are at their level that they'll feel happier, which never works. All they end up doing is hurting people that were once happy and undisturbed for the most part... everyone has their moments.

P.S. I don't care if any of you come in here, read this, get upset (you did seek out what I'm thinking so that's obviously telling me something... whether or not you know it or acknowledge it, what I write has some semblance of matter to whomever reads this knowing it's me that's writing it- not just some random person that stumbled upon my blog), and then decide to talk about it to others, maybe post something nasty in their own blogs, because, after all, I've removed myself from the negatives that were removable and there I have taken a higher path for the well being of myself. Yay to actually looking out for myself for once! :)

Mandy ~ 12:12 AM