Who I Am
These are my true thoughts...
My Past
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
Favorite Websites
albinoblacksheep.com
www.myspace.com
www.ebaumsworld.com
Credits of the Creator
Take a look at this & other blog designs @ Blogskins.com
Picture found @ Digital Blasphemy
Monday, February 27, 2006
And For All of You Who Knew...
So apparent
This conspiracy
I've been sent
To help you see
All of your lies
And why
People may despise
You, so try
To understand
Lend me your hand
I'll show you some truth
Take a snapshot
In the booth
Everything you've fought
For
What everyone else ignores
Your pain
How they stay sane
They're all dealing selfishly
While I'm trying to be
Decent
While I've spent
My sanity on another
He'll... we'll help each other
From now on
You can remain a pawn
I hate no one. I only hate things and ideas and, and... life. Competition is quite a sick little thing because on the one hand this world needs it to be "successful" and at the same time, whilst everyone's competing to be "the best" people are starving, dying, and just wanting chances to live. Everyone reading this post has most likely heard those words in the previous sentence a million times and I'm sure as you were reading them you thought something to the effect 'Great, this 'people are starving' bit again'...
You don't have the right to think that thought because... and I'm not trying to be a hypocrit here, but if you lived in a 3rd world country amongst those people I'm sure you'd see more humanity in one finger of one of the people there than you would in the entire city of New York, if not more. What is anyone doing for them? Almost nothing... everyone's doing for themselves... it's ok, we're Americans and we have families too and we need... HA, need, you think you need so much when you don't... God Bless America and my right to facetious and your right to not even know what that word might be.
So apparent
This conspiracy
I've been sent
To help you see
All of your lies
And why
People may despise
You, so try
To understand
Lend me your hand
I'll show you some truth
Take a snapshot
In the booth
Everything you've fought
For
What everyone else ignores
Your pain
How they stay sane
They're all dealing selfishly
While I'm trying to be
Decent
While I've spent
My sanity on another
He'll... we'll help each other
From now on
You can remain a pawn
I hate no one. I only hate things and ideas and, and... life. Competition is quite a sick little thing because on the one hand this world needs it to be "successful" and at the same time, whilst everyone's competing to be "the best" people are starving, dying, and just wanting chances to live. Everyone reading this post has most likely heard those words in the previous sentence a million times and I'm sure as you were reading them you thought something to the effect 'Great, this 'people are starving' bit again'...
You don't have the right to think that thought because... and I'm not trying to be a hypocrit here, but if you lived in a 3rd world country amongst those people I'm sure you'd see more humanity in one finger of one of the people there than you would in the entire city of New York, if not more. What is anyone doing for them? Almost nothing... everyone's doing for themselves... it's ok, we're Americans and we have families too and we need... HA, need, you think you need so much when you don't... God Bless America and my right to facetious and your right to not even know what that word might be.
Mandy ~ 12:22 AM
Thursday, February 23, 2006
3 Parts Prastination, 2 Extra Sloth, and 50 Uninspired/Indifference
Now, normally I can deal with the 5 part martini that usually comprises me... but lately I've been so indifferent to everything because I'm undecided on what I want to do/be that I could care less... hence the indifference. I just started my enlish paper that was due last Friday (yes, I'm handing it in a week late and probably won't get any points). *sigh* I'm not even going into everything else I have yet to do for my other classes. Hmmm, maybe I should cram a bit on the couple hundred pages for the test tomorrow in World Regional since I probably don't remember anything. I'm screwed.
Now, normally I can deal with the 5 part martini that usually comprises me... but lately I've been so indifferent to everything because I'm undecided on what I want to do/be that I could care less... hence the indifference. I just started my enlish paper that was due last Friday (yes, I'm handing it in a week late and probably won't get any points). *sigh* I'm not even going into everything else I have yet to do for my other classes. Hmmm, maybe I should cram a bit on the couple hundred pages for the test tomorrow in World Regional since I probably don't remember anything. I'm screwed.
Mandy ~ 11:51 PM
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
You Know Who You Are
I will not compete with a friend, to do so defeats all purposeful end.
I know it's a comma splice but I don't care because with my "artistic license" I can make art through the medium of words.
I will not compete with a friend, to do so defeats all purposeful end.
I know it's a comma splice but I don't care because with my "artistic license" I can make art through the medium of words.
Mandy ~ 12:42 AM
Sunday, February 19, 2006
P.S.
I find it very funny that my mom will rush out to the phone thinking it's Sarah or Ben and wait up for them half the night when one daughter is crying her guts out in the bathroom. I thought she claimed to be fair to all of us... when she's staying up anyway waiting for Sarah and/or Ben's calls or to come home and I'm sitting there trying to confide in her... Does she knows how much it hurts to be turned down like that by her own mother? My heart physically hurts.
I find it very funny that my mom will rush out to the phone thinking it's Sarah or Ben and wait up for them half the night when one daughter is crying her guts out in the bathroom. I thought she claimed to be fair to all of us... when she's staying up anyway waiting for Sarah and/or Ben's calls or to come home and I'm sitting there trying to confide in her... Does she knows how much it hurts to be turned down like that by her own mother? My heart physically hurts.
Mandy ~ 11:04 PM
Another Post that Shouldn't Be
WTF is wrong with me? Any way I go I lose. I lose. I'm a failure once again. Gotta return to my true roots because if hey, the one man that a girl's supposed to look up to her entire life is the one that calls her a failure, a spoiled, bastard child, then where do I go except to believe it, because after all, that's what I was taught. I was taught that I'm useless and unwanted, a waste of space and time, and not worth anything especially not love or anything like it. Job is too wonderful to me. He actually thinks I deserve things... like deserve to be loved. I keep asking my mom to just shoot me or something and she just ignores me. I'm crying (literally) for help and no one cares... no one except Job.
I shouldn't put the burden on someone else to kill me even though, as my father makes it sound, it'd be more of a delight, an honor to do so. Here I sit, the hypocrite... wallowing in self-pity, bitching about things I should keep to myself. Job thinks I should see someone because he thinks I'm depressed but, according to another person in my life, depression is only a state of mind. I won't mention her name because she hates for me to drag her into things even though she's extremely opinionated and if given the chance, would probably go on national tv and rant them off for the world. Job thinks I should talk to someone...
I have a hard enough time confiding in people I love because more often than not the two people that should love me unconditionally tell me to 'shut the hell up and get over yourself' and 'i can't listen to you, i need to get a decents night sleep' so she can what? lay and sleep on the couch all day like she does every day, oh excuse me, she drives Kaitlin and me to and from school, and occasionally (if she wishes to do so) cooks and cleans. That's it, enough of me spilling my guts or something else might come out that would be really bad beside the fact that none of this matters in the first place.
WTF is wrong with me? Any way I go I lose. I lose. I'm a failure once again. Gotta return to my true roots because if hey, the one man that a girl's supposed to look up to her entire life is the one that calls her a failure, a spoiled, bastard child, then where do I go except to believe it, because after all, that's what I was taught. I was taught that I'm useless and unwanted, a waste of space and time, and not worth anything especially not love or anything like it. Job is too wonderful to me. He actually thinks I deserve things... like deserve to be loved. I keep asking my mom to just shoot me or something and she just ignores me. I'm crying (literally) for help and no one cares... no one except Job.
I shouldn't put the burden on someone else to kill me even though, as my father makes it sound, it'd be more of a delight, an honor to do so. Here I sit, the hypocrite... wallowing in self-pity, bitching about things I should keep to myself. Job thinks I should see someone because he thinks I'm depressed but, according to another person in my life, depression is only a state of mind. I won't mention her name because she hates for me to drag her into things even though she's extremely opinionated and if given the chance, would probably go on national tv and rant them off for the world. Job thinks I should talk to someone...
I have a hard enough time confiding in people I love because more often than not the two people that should love me unconditionally tell me to 'shut the hell up and get over yourself' and 'i can't listen to you, i need to get a decents night sleep' so she can what? lay and sleep on the couch all day like she does every day, oh excuse me, she drives Kaitlin and me to and from school, and occasionally (if she wishes to do so) cooks and cleans. That's it, enough of me spilling my guts or something else might come out that would be really bad beside the fact that none of this matters in the first place.
Mandy ~ 10:49 PM
Saturday, February 04, 2006
ER
So... I'm sure no one but Kt is wondering why (if she even went to school) I wasn't at school Friday. Well, anyone who's been reading this knows I've been having some health problems and Thursday in Chemistry class my constant headache (two weeks running) got really bad like it happened to do during the two weeks and I kind of passed out. Mark (the teacher) put all of my stuff away and walked me to the car whereupon he saw my dog and lunged for her, not smart, she snapped, and he persued and she barked furiously at him. Eventually he left and my mom said 'What a dumbass' and I said 'That's my chemistry teacher' and then she said 'Well, isn't he supposed to be smart?!'. Anyway... my mom could tell I was in a lot of pain and from a light bulb that must've turned on in her head 'why would the teacher be carrying all of her stuff out to the car?' I told her what happened and we tried to get into urgent care but they closed at 4:30 and it was that time when we got there so instead of having to wait the entire weekend I went into the ER. They put me on a stretcher, took blood, gave me some pain medication that felt really funky when they stabbed it in my arm with the foot-long syringe, icky. Then I was in and out of consciousness for the better part of 3 hours (we finally left at like quarter to 8 pm) and after they gave me the feeling funky drug they decided to ask me all the questions and I was nowhere near able to answer them because I was so far gone. Then I went for a cat scan and fell asleep but only for 10 minutes. Then the nurse kept coming in and out checking my vitals a few times and eventually setting my bed up until I could sit up and then get into the wheelchair and go home. The doctor told me they didn't know what was wrong but they were going to run labs on my blood and then he prescribed some more lovely pain killers that make me sleep all the time and give me goofy dreams like...
Tim Sorenson (Sarah's ex bf of like 4 years) and me going to Matt Luce's house and stealing his 87' spyder (which they doesn't even exist) and then Ben (brother) and Tim getting in and spinning it out in our driveway and then Matt saying he was going to put me in jail for stealing his car unless I went out with him for two months and then, thankfully, I woke up.
Ok, so then the doctor said I didn't have any brain tumors, which was a possibility but that I might have meningitis which is...
Inflammation of the meninges of the brain and the spinal cord, most often caused by a bacterial or viral infection and characterized by fever, vomiting, intense headache, and stiff neck. (Dictionary.com)
And that would make perfect sense being that I have all of those symptoms but I heard it's pretty serious, which is kind of crappy, but it would explain my huge-ass lymph nods everywhere (especially in my neck), my nausea and yea..., this headache shit, and the constant urge to crack my neck because it feels extremely stiff and one day I couldn't even move it without shooting pains. So anyway, I'm not supposed to be on the pc, read, or watch tv and I know why because I can feel my headache getting worse again so hasta leugo.
So... I'm sure no one but Kt is wondering why (if she even went to school) I wasn't at school Friday. Well, anyone who's been reading this knows I've been having some health problems and Thursday in Chemistry class my constant headache (two weeks running) got really bad like it happened to do during the two weeks and I kind of passed out. Mark (the teacher) put all of my stuff away and walked me to the car whereupon he saw my dog and lunged for her, not smart, she snapped, and he persued and she barked furiously at him. Eventually he left and my mom said 'What a dumbass' and I said 'That's my chemistry teacher' and then she said 'Well, isn't he supposed to be smart?!'. Anyway... my mom could tell I was in a lot of pain and from a light bulb that must've turned on in her head 'why would the teacher be carrying all of her stuff out to the car?' I told her what happened and we tried to get into urgent care but they closed at 4:30 and it was that time when we got there so instead of having to wait the entire weekend I went into the ER. They put me on a stretcher, took blood, gave me some pain medication that felt really funky when they stabbed it in my arm with the foot-long syringe, icky. Then I was in and out of consciousness for the better part of 3 hours (we finally left at like quarter to 8 pm) and after they gave me the feeling funky drug they decided to ask me all the questions and I was nowhere near able to answer them because I was so far gone. Then I went for a cat scan and fell asleep but only for 10 minutes. Then the nurse kept coming in and out checking my vitals a few times and eventually setting my bed up until I could sit up and then get into the wheelchair and go home. The doctor told me they didn't know what was wrong but they were going to run labs on my blood and then he prescribed some more lovely pain killers that make me sleep all the time and give me goofy dreams like...
Tim Sorenson (Sarah's ex bf of like 4 years) and me going to Matt Luce's house and stealing his 87' spyder (which they doesn't even exist) and then Ben (brother) and Tim getting in and spinning it out in our driveway and then Matt saying he was going to put me in jail for stealing his car unless I went out with him for two months and then, thankfully, I woke up.
Ok, so then the doctor said I didn't have any brain tumors, which was a possibility but that I might have meningitis which is...
Inflammation of the meninges of the brain and the spinal cord, most often caused by a bacterial or viral infection and characterized by fever, vomiting, intense headache, and stiff neck. (Dictionary.com)
And that would make perfect sense being that I have all of those symptoms but I heard it's pretty serious, which is kind of crappy, but it would explain my huge-ass lymph nods everywhere (especially in my neck), my nausea and yea..., this headache shit, and the constant urge to crack my neck because it feels extremely stiff and one day I couldn't even move it without shooting pains. So anyway, I'm not supposed to be on the pc, read, or watch tv and I know why because I can feel my headache getting worse again so hasta leugo.
Mandy ~ 11:08 AM