~The Music of My Life~

Friday, March 31, 2006

B-O-R-E-D

AND bo-red was the nam-em of the game-o... Yes, you guessed it, I'm at work and I'm so bored out of my mind I just put it to the Bingo song... I know I'm horrible. I know I could do something else like fix my hair (which is all frizzy/curly today because of the humidity/rain)- damn hair, or do my makeup but then, what's the point? I'm not going to see Job tonight and I'm not going anywhere except to my grandparents to do all of the chores and you have noooooo idea how many chores there are at that house... Idk how my grandma does it alone but alas, obviously that is not the case since I'm going out there in the first place... Well she wouldn't need help if my grandpa hadn't been moved from the hospital and now into the nursing home but he IS going home, eventually.

I'm hoping to catch the neighbor kids while I'm out there to see how they're doing... They found out there mom has breast cancer and she had emergency surgery and they didn't get all of it so she has to have another surgery. I also heard my mom talking about a wig and so the assumption is that she will also be going on chemotherapy. I don't think my little red-headed mohawk demon, Nicholas knows the truth about his mom since he's only 4 but I'm sure he can tell something is going on. *sigh*

Well, the Dean just walked by and made some remark (I think it was a comment, almost in admiration) of how fast I type and then she inquired about what I was typing, leaning over my desk to look at the biology sheets and whence upon my telling her it was just a workstudy task for the notoriously difficult (not by means of temperament but of grading) biology teacher, Dorsey she mentioned the sheets looked old and I told her that I was re-typing them for him because they'd outdated themselves.

BUT, since the Dean is now watching me I think I should cut the informalities especially since she just walked by again and probably saw I'd typed her... title would you call it... her name is Dianne Lazear but anyway, good bye for now.

Mandy ~ 2:59 PM

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Blobity Bla

For lack of an actual title... hey, don't you go getting all angry at me for making up words when I don't even need to put a title up in the first place. Ahhh, a little stress released... I don't want to say a lot because other people are involved and they may not want anyone else to know but things aren't good at all... in fact they're very bad. *sigh* I was on cloud 9 million today when I was with Job at his house but then I came home and the other shoe, so to say, kicked my ass. I love my mom and I wished she were more independent. Job I love you so much and no one will ever know but you are truly my rock of sanity right now in my insane life.

I'm not going to tell anyone else what's happening because they'll just pity me and feel helpless because in all honesty, there's nothing they can do for me or the people involved anyway. I don't want to make you all curious but I'm well aware I'm sure I already have you on the proverbial hook waiting for the reel-in to see wtf is going on but let me leave it at this... You really don't want to know and you're thinking "Yes, I do" and this is definitely one of those cases where someone says (in this case I just did, myself) "You don't want to know" and then the person insists they do and then when they find out they wished they hadn't been so curious. SO, take it from me, curiosity really killed the cat and you don't want to be the cat this curiosity kills...

I'm going to see a therapist on Monday and see if I can kill them with this curiosity... Hey, that may not be nice but they're asking for it... it was their chosen profession and they scheduled me... Mrs. Kanyusik was very smart to be sick the day of my other appointment so many months ago... I only want a little normality and I'm hoping this therapist can guide me... worst case she tells me there's nothing she can say or do and right now... I couldn't imagine the things she could say to help me...

P.S. Completely unrelated... When people claim to be such a thing as say, a genius they're truly insecure and looking to make others feel bad in comparison and it only works when the other person doesn't know the truth. Oh and try not to directly contradict yourself in the same entry at least. If you're a genius you'll be able to figure it out. Hey, btw, how about you figure my life out for me as well since I'm such an invalid and don't give advice on something you've never done nor intend on doing... all talk.

Mandy ~ 12:28 AM

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Time for a Change

Wow, I searched blogskins for 2 hours today to find the right one. If anything it's better than my last one well at least after the picture got deleted from the skin by the creator. Of course, it's always lovely to open a blog where all you can see is a white outline with one of those pesky re x-ed boxes that are taunting you with the curiosity at the picture that was once there. Same with my picture of Erick and his daughters... Jessika (the mother) took it off from her profile but not before I copied it into paint and saved it. So I'm going to ask Erick permission if I can put it up in my pics or if it'll make Jessika mad that I pirated it.

Anyway, last night I went to Job's wrestling banquet even though I didn't want to but I did because it meant a lot to him for me to be there. Job, Eddy, and Brandon also had gag awards at the end which were kind of funny but all in all I didn't understand them so it was kind of like I was just laughing because everyone else was and I didn't want to look like I was being mean or something or that I didn't understand, which I didn't, haha.

Now my dad's trying to blame me for him calling my mom a cunt. He said it'd be my fault if they got a divorce when he was the one that called her that. She told me she's not going to divorce him but she's waiting for an apology and I guess they haven't talked to each other since it happened. Today after he came home, Tammy called for her and I brought the phone out to her and she started crying and then walked away so Steven or myself couldn't see her. I really hate Steven. He's such an evil person and I can't even put it into words for anyone else to understand so I guess it'll be left at that. I wished my mom would divorce him although it'd cause even more trouble but she told me the other day "I can't see myself living unhappily for the rest of my life" in reference to how he treats her. They don't even sleep in the same bed... my mom sleeps on the couch. How did she ever deserve such punishment?

Mandy ~ 2:27 PM

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

WTF

I saw my grandpa today, before and after my driver's test. He seemed kind of complacent like his blood sugar was low... he's diabetic. He wasn't as talkative as normal and one time he actually just ended up staring at me with his mouth open and I really didn't know what to do. Otherwise he's getting stronger and he was actually moving his right arm quite a bit which is wonderful because that's one step closer to getting him back home where he wants to be.

SO, on another note... my title is about my driver's test... I... didn't fail. Idk how either because I was so nervous and she said I was a really good driver and it was wonderful that I was cautious and she held a nice, calm conversation with me unlike the first lady that gave it to me.

Either way today was a good day even though the whole license thing hasn't sunk in yet. Oh, and I'm finally getting help for my problems. I'm sure Kaitlin doesn't approve because she doesn't believe in depression but... I really do need help so I don't hurt myself again.

Mandy ~ 2:19 PM

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Just Fucking Great

My mom made me schedule a drivers test on the first available date which is THIS Tuesday at 9:30 am! I've driven maybe 5 times since I failed my last time... I'm not going to pass, only embarass myself and fail again because I'm going to be so nervous. I haven't even driven in town! I feel like crying.

Mandy ~ 2:22 PM

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

La De Dah

Damn I had fun tonight hanging out with the old bandies after their Mios concert. Pretty much like 80% of the concert was just "Ok, that's nice..." and then Wind Ensemble played and I was so happy and proud. It felt weird being back in the band room like I didn't feel I belonged anymore... I hate that because for 4 years that room was my sanctuary, my second home that felt more comfortable than home. The one and only thing I miss about highschool... band/the bandies. After the concert we all got together at DQ, oh yea! The post-concert hangout. We ended up filling 5 tables of people and four of them were lined up and stretched across one side of the room. After that we headed outside, Anthony, Mr. Smooth... locked his keys in his truck and found a wire hanger and after a while got it open but not before we blasted music like Mike with his Katamari Damacy and Job's techno, whipped shities, and Packet, Anthony, and Mike paintballed Job's car with, coincidentally, the same color blue paint balls, haha... talk about defeating the purpose!

The freakiest thing about the whole night was seeing my model for Life Drawing there with his family... his wife's a very attractive woman with blonde hair and a tan and he had younger kids. I was hoping he wouldn't see me because it would've been extremely weird especially since I barely recognized him with clothes on... jk, I've seen him with clothes on after he models. It was just extremely awkward that he was with his family :S

SO... the only reason I really wrote this besides wanting to ;p was because I'm procrastinating on my homework for school... oops, I forgot to care, now I'm going to go chat on msn.

Mandy ~ 10:52 PM

Friday, March 10, 2006

Yay!

I'm so happy. Job called me last night and told me that he had already recieved his letter from the UWSP music program. Job made it in!!! Even though I'm a little sad knowing this is one step closer to him leaving me I'm still really happy for him because it's one step closer to recieving the education he needs to be what he loves and I'm obviously the flexible one because there obviously aren't many colleges in WI that offer such a good music program and actually... since the new re-model even though it looks a little cold the auditorium is the same and when we went in there for the orientation two ensombles played and I just remember when the RHS jazz ensomble played under Jameson and they broke into Beach Boys in the middle and he stormed out and they still got a *1st, haha! It just reminded me of the old times and I felt at home and that's extremely weird because I've never had that feeling anywhere else besides home in my life. Coincidentally UWSP also has a great arts program and if I really want to minor in music... again, just coincidentally it has both and it's only an hour and a half from home... I'm beginning to like coincidences that give me hope.

Mandy ~ 12:16 PM

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I'm So Smart

I figured it out... I'm not going to comment on anyone's blogs or anything unless it mentions me or it doesn't mention anyone in particular but asks for advice. Yay, I'm smart. I figure if someone only writes about their other friends it wasn't for me to read anyway and then I can just pretend I never read it so I don't get caught up being a mediator and murdered because I stuck my nose in it attempting to help people.

Since Saturday I've really liked UWSP and I'm deciding if that's the 4-year I want to attend. Right now it's between there and UWEC if I make it in at either place... or if I don't drop out all together and just get a full-time job. Have a nice night.

Mandy ~ 9:32 PM

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Neg. Balance

Ok, there's been way too much negative crap being written. I have to say, it's much easier to write when you're upset than when you're happy because when you're happy well... you're happy and writing is theraputic for a reason. I just recently found my cousin, Erick's account on myspace and I'm elated to find pictures of his daughters! So for anyone that doesn't have a myspace account and this doesn't show up for you I'm deeply sorry but this is the cutest picture ever of Erick with his two daughters, new baby, Aneliese (who's now two months old) and Arielle on the right who's going to be 2 this May (1 yr, 9 mos). I haven't met either one of them yet but I have to make a trip to Appleton sometime soon because I'm dying to see them! Here's the link.

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=49346540&imageID=532129478&Mytoken=12879A28-154B-E45C-E760143AD4104FA892198571

I hope you can access it because it's sooooo adorable! Night all.

Mandy ~ 12:39 AM