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Monday, April 30, 2007
Give me Alaska
A few months ago an old friend got in touch with me about moving to Alaska with him. It'd only be for half a year but I thought it sounded like a good idea to travel now while I can. I eventually turned him down, got a job, and a new boyfriend (after Dane broke up with me) and my life is just... idk.
Nothing feels right anymore after Dane. I miss him all the fucking time and now I'm with Logan and I don't think he loves me. Yet... I'm attached to Logan now after 2.5 months and it's just tearing me in two different directions. I guess it wouldn't be so bad had I not talked to Dane the other day and he told me that he still isn't over it... over me. Those eyes looked right threw me and he knew I wasn't either... he said so and he said I shouldn't have jumped into another relationship.
But what the fuck am I supposed to do... I know it was stupid but I'm in so much pain after Dane and it's just not getting any better. I still cry and the wound is just as big if not bigger than it was that night that it happened. He tore me apart and now he expects me to be just fine or at least get fine somehow and do it alone? I"m so fucking alone. All I do is work. When I'm not working I rarely see friends and barely see Logan and mostly I'm alone at my house. I feel so sick all the time. It's 3 am and I have to wake up tomorrow for work.
Damn it... I thought I was fine but after seeing Dane I just hurt... it hurts even more somehow. I feel so alone. I don't know what to do anymore.
A few months ago an old friend got in touch with me about moving to Alaska with him. It'd only be for half a year but I thought it sounded like a good idea to travel now while I can. I eventually turned him down, got a job, and a new boyfriend (after Dane broke up with me) and my life is just... idk.
Nothing feels right anymore after Dane. I miss him all the fucking time and now I'm with Logan and I don't think he loves me. Yet... I'm attached to Logan now after 2.5 months and it's just tearing me in two different directions. I guess it wouldn't be so bad had I not talked to Dane the other day and he told me that he still isn't over it... over me. Those eyes looked right threw me and he knew I wasn't either... he said so and he said I shouldn't have jumped into another relationship.
But what the fuck am I supposed to do... I know it was stupid but I'm in so much pain after Dane and it's just not getting any better. I still cry and the wound is just as big if not bigger than it was that night that it happened. He tore me apart and now he expects me to be just fine or at least get fine somehow and do it alone? I"m so fucking alone. All I do is work. When I'm not working I rarely see friends and barely see Logan and mostly I'm alone at my house. I feel so sick all the time. It's 3 am and I have to wake up tomorrow for work.
Damn it... I thought I was fine but after seeing Dane I just hurt... it hurts even more somehow. I feel so alone. I don't know what to do anymore.
Mandy ~ 2:41 AM