Who I Am
These are my true thoughts...
My Past
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
Favorite Websites
albinoblacksheep.com
www.myspace.com
www.ebaumsworld.com
Credits of the Creator
Take a look at this & other blog designs @ Blogskins.com
Picture found @ Digital Blasphemy
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
Just Another Day
Well early this morning my mom took my grandma Mary Ann back home after staying a week here. Basically I did nothing today so this entry should be rather short but who knows with me writing and all. *furrows her eyebrows in deep thought* Then again who else would be writing this besides me... *shakes head to throw the whole idea* that makes me wonder.
I feel like there's something missing and I'm trying not to say what I think it is. I won't say anything to Kate because I know she'll say it on her first guess and then reprimand me for the feelings that should've been gone months ago. I just can't help the feeling of regret and remembering everything else that makes it even worse. Today when I checked my e-mail I was hoping to get one from Adam like I do almost every day, but he still hadn't sent me one for the second day in a row. I know this may sound obsessive but I just can't help but worry without daily reminders that he's ok and he can take care of himself in the situation he's in. Another thing is he e-mails me every day and the 2 times he hasn't were because he got relocated (that was a full week without any e-mails), and when his line got cut (that was 5 days). In hope to just think about him I played the one song he said reminds him of me. I pulled up Winamp and played "Echo" by Trapt and what happened confused me. I started crying because it made me think of Matt and that's never happened before. Lately it seems like everything is reminding me of him. I wake and go about daily life dreaming about him and how it was and I sleep and dream about him some more. So really it's just like my life is basically a insesant dream about a guy I can never have again.
Come to think of it I'm in the same position as my dear friend, Emily. We both have guys in our lives that we've lost and we still think of and when I read her page a lot of the things (probably all considering Will and Matt are different guys and we were both in different situations) are the same feelings I'm having about Matt. The problem is I should be over him because we went out a year ago and it's almost been a full year since our breakup. Like when Emily typed... "oh yea, all the stupid reminders I've been having today. Like I always come across the damn number 16! Wich is the date we started going out." That is like me about Matt that whenever I hear certain songs he used to play or whenever I pass the one 4-way stop by McDonnalds (coming home from Matt's house every night) that I always had to get out and push the little button. "Well first of all I wake up from this crazy dream about him." and I have those same crazy dreams about Matt. I know it's stupid but those little things that seem so trivial to everyone else hold memories for me. I also feel really bad that Will likes me. I know I will never go out with him first of all because I don't like him and second if I did I wouldn't because of Emily. I'm loyal to my friends like that probably because of my previous friends going out with my exs and making me feel like crap. I love Emily and I'd never do anything to hurt her or any of my friends. Well until another day since it's too late to finish.
Well early this morning my mom took my grandma Mary Ann back home after staying a week here. Basically I did nothing today so this entry should be rather short but who knows with me writing and all. *furrows her eyebrows in deep thought* Then again who else would be writing this besides me... *shakes head to throw the whole idea* that makes me wonder.
I feel like there's something missing and I'm trying not to say what I think it is. I won't say anything to Kate because I know she'll say it on her first guess and then reprimand me for the feelings that should've been gone months ago. I just can't help the feeling of regret and remembering everything else that makes it even worse. Today when I checked my e-mail I was hoping to get one from Adam like I do almost every day, but he still hadn't sent me one for the second day in a row. I know this may sound obsessive but I just can't help but worry without daily reminders that he's ok and he can take care of himself in the situation he's in. Another thing is he e-mails me every day and the 2 times he hasn't were because he got relocated (that was a full week without any e-mails), and when his line got cut (that was 5 days). In hope to just think about him I played the one song he said reminds him of me. I pulled up Winamp and played "Echo" by Trapt and what happened confused me. I started crying because it made me think of Matt and that's never happened before. Lately it seems like everything is reminding me of him. I wake and go about daily life dreaming about him and how it was and I sleep and dream about him some more. So really it's just like my life is basically a insesant dream about a guy I can never have again.
Come to think of it I'm in the same position as my dear friend, Emily. We both have guys in our lives that we've lost and we still think of and when I read her page a lot of the things (probably all considering Will and Matt are different guys and we were both in different situations) are the same feelings I'm having about Matt. The problem is I should be over him because we went out a year ago and it's almost been a full year since our breakup. Like when Emily typed... "oh yea, all the stupid reminders I've been having today. Like I always come across the damn number 16! Wich is the date we started going out." That is like me about Matt that whenever I hear certain songs he used to play or whenever I pass the one 4-way stop by McDonnalds (coming home from Matt's house every night) that I always had to get out and push the little button. "Well first of all I wake up from this crazy dream about him." and I have those same crazy dreams about Matt. I know it's stupid but those little things that seem so trivial to everyone else hold memories for me. I also feel really bad that Will likes me. I know I will never go out with him first of all because I don't like him and second if I did I wouldn't because of Emily. I'm loyal to my friends like that probably because of my previous friends going out with my exs and making me feel like crap. I love Emily and I'd never do anything to hurt her or any of my friends. Well until another day since it's too late to finish.
Mandy ~ 2:13 AM