Who I Am
These are my true thoughts...
My Past
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
Favorite Websites
albinoblacksheep.com
www.myspace.com
www.ebaumsworld.com
Credits of the Creator
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Picture found @ Digital Blasphemy
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Failing
As I sit in this chair constantly moving
Physically living
Emotionally dead
Talking to them as the bar glows orange
Blinking, as they demand to be heard
Thinking of just the right words
To comfort them
All faced with their trials
Not thinking of my own
My weak attempt at avoiding them
Lost in the white
Black letters sinking in
Away from my eyes
Songs I start to despise
Blinking again
Getting lost in my thoughts
Thinking and not
Hearing the words but not accepting
Their meanings
Denying
Contriving
My brain
Secrets unfolding against the grain
Of truth smoothing them out
Filing them down
Hiding again to live without pain
Shading the lines, thickening the secrets
Creating their depth with a single point
Defending
Without resolution
The malicious despise
Living within the secrets they call lies
Well that's a confusing poem I threw together in a couple of minutes last night before I took a shower and went to sleep. I was talking on msn messenger and I just got an idea and wrote that.
Today was same old same old. I'm really feeling more detached lately because I'm not really connecting with anyone... I'm just kind of as they say "going through the motions" as if the poem didn't already say that for me. *looks at ground* Everyone gets this way at one point or another and if you say that's not true well just think of it like this... people express themselves in different ways so if someone was smiling and acting all happy you don't know how well they can act. That's how I like to see it, some people can hide it and some can't and sometimes they don't want to. I'm comfortable with who I am and how I feel and sometimes, actually a lot I like to hide... well not hide so much as not show. I feel especially vulnerable when I'm alone with a guy I like and then I'm all shy and I just want to talk and then I end up saying a lot about myself.
I'm going to Zack's party on Saturday and I'm filled with anticipation and trepidation because I have no idea what's going to happen. I know one other person that will be there, Jim Flick because Zack only invited 4 high schoolers, and that includes Kate (who isn't going), Jim, someone I don't know who she is, and me. Then there will be probably a couple handfuls more of his friends his age that I won't know. He's planning on having us go swimming and such and it's going to be 60 something degrees that day so I don't know if it'll even be warm enough to. That was one of my problems, was the swimsuit. I have 2 but one doesn't match completely and I don't really like it and the other one is nice but it isn't flattering to my body type. I really need a new suit. Ok, I take that back, a new suit would be really nice because mine sucks. Well I don't know what else to write so I'll be going now.
As I sit in this chair constantly moving
Physically living
Emotionally dead
Talking to them as the bar glows orange
Blinking, as they demand to be heard
Thinking of just the right words
To comfort them
All faced with their trials
Not thinking of my own
My weak attempt at avoiding them
Lost in the white
Black letters sinking in
Away from my eyes
Songs I start to despise
Blinking again
Getting lost in my thoughts
Thinking and not
Hearing the words but not accepting
Their meanings
Denying
Contriving
My brain
Secrets unfolding against the grain
Of truth smoothing them out
Filing them down
Hiding again to live without pain
Shading the lines, thickening the secrets
Creating their depth with a single point
Defending
Without resolution
The malicious despise
Living within the secrets they call lies
Well that's a confusing poem I threw together in a couple of minutes last night before I took a shower and went to sleep. I was talking on msn messenger and I just got an idea and wrote that.
Today was same old same old. I'm really feeling more detached lately because I'm not really connecting with anyone... I'm just kind of as they say "going through the motions" as if the poem didn't already say that for me. *looks at ground* Everyone gets this way at one point or another and if you say that's not true well just think of it like this... people express themselves in different ways so if someone was smiling and acting all happy you don't know how well they can act. That's how I like to see it, some people can hide it and some can't and sometimes they don't want to. I'm comfortable with who I am and how I feel and sometimes, actually a lot I like to hide... well not hide so much as not show. I feel especially vulnerable when I'm alone with a guy I like and then I'm all shy and I just want to talk and then I end up saying a lot about myself.
I'm going to Zack's party on Saturday and I'm filled with anticipation and trepidation because I have no idea what's going to happen. I know one other person that will be there, Jim Flick because Zack only invited 4 high schoolers, and that includes Kate (who isn't going), Jim, someone I don't know who she is, and me. Then there will be probably a couple handfuls more of his friends his age that I won't know. He's planning on having us go swimming and such and it's going to be 60 something degrees that day so I don't know if it'll even be warm enough to. That was one of my problems, was the swimsuit. I have 2 but one doesn't match completely and I don't really like it and the other one is nice but it isn't flattering to my body type. I really need a new suit. Ok, I take that back, a new suit would be really nice because mine sucks. Well I don't know what else to write so I'll be going now.
Mandy ~ 5:54 PM