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Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Feelings I Can't Describe
Never have I ever been at a loss for the feelings I'm having. This one I'm having right now is a big mix of indifference, happyness, weariness, excitement, anticipation, and dread. The indifference is over a fight I had with this guy earlier... the whole thing was much overworked and just a stupid topic. The happyness is all because of Zach and at the same time so is the weariness, and part of the dread. It's so good and I've only known him 4 days and I've never felt this way about anyone. I'm so scared because the feelings I'm having are so strong for him and I like it but at the same time it scares me so badly. Ok, we had this conversation over Msn last night and it was just... I never thought I could feel so... and convey my feelings... here just read it:
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
and just all the stuff i can tell u and not have to worry and i have nerver felt that way with ne even with tricia fo how long i went out with her
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
its really wierd but it is a really good feeling
~Mandy~ says:
same with you, i've always doubted telling anyone anything, always had that fear of the potential hurt they could cause me i know
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
i cant explian it at all
~Mandy~ says:
it's wierd, confusing, and good
~Mandy~ says:
all at once
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
wow
~Mandy~ says:
i just got the feeling
~Mandy~ says:
it just happened
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
what feeling
~Mandy~ says:
just earlier
~Mandy~ says:
that feeling
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
the one we cant explain
~Mandy~ says:
yea
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~Mandy~ says:
it just came over me when i really realized
~Mandy~ says:
really thought about this
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
...
~Mandy~ says:
...
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
oh i thoiught u were gonna say something after that
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
what did u realize
~Mandy~ says:
no, just when i really thought about you and me, how we met, how we just clicked
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
ah
~Mandy~ says:
idk what i realized but it's something i've never had before
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah same here
~Mandy~ says:
it's freaking me out, not in a bad way but is it for you too?
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~Mandy~ says:
does this really happen?
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
but i feels good so
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
idk
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
idk it just did
~Mandy~ says:
that's how it was
~Mandy~ says:
3 days and it just did
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
like mabye we are kinda
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
idk how to say it
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
right for eachother mabye
~Mandy~ says:
that's how it feels
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
idk it is a really wierd feeling
~Mandy~ says:
like however wierd it is, it's right
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
wow
~Mandy~ says:
yea, wow, is right
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
thogugh just keep going through my head
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
like all of u to
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
thoughts
~Mandy~ says:
i want to be there
~Mandy~ says:
and not physically
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
?
~Mandy~ says:
both ways
~Mandy~ says:
not just physically*
~Mandy~ says:
i feel drawn
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
what do u mean
~Mandy~ says:
to you
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah i feel the same way bout u
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
and i just the greatest feeling i get]
~Mandy~ says:
this is the greatest feeling
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
i know
~Mandy~ says:
how?
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
?
~Mandy~ says:
it doesn't matter
~Mandy~ says:
i just
~Mandy~ says:
it's unexplainable
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
like how is it the greatest feeling
~Mandy~ says:
like how it happened
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
it is unexplainable
~Mandy~ says:
and it isn't just my tummy that's all jumpy, it's me
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah it's all over
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
its like the perfect feeling
~Mandy~ says:
i know
~Mandy~ says:
and i just... i can't even express it
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
i know
~Mandy~ says:
i'm so tired and i don't want to sleep
~Mandy~ says:
i don't think i can
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
ill be thinking to much
~Mandy~ says:
same here
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
it feeling like electricity is going through my body again and again
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
one person has overtaken my mind
~Mandy~ says:
same here
~Mandy~ says:
get out, jk
~Mandy~ says:
stay there
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
lol
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
i cant stop moving
~Mandy~ says:
i can't even type anything
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
im so happy right now
~Mandy~ says:
hehe
~Mandy~ says:
YEA
~Mandy~ says:
hehe
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA IM SO HAPPY
~Mandy~ says:
YAY
~Mandy~ says:
i can't stop laughing
~Mandy~ says:
i'm going to wake someone up
~Mandy~ says:
and i don't care
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
we cant help having this feeling
~Mandy~ says:
and i don't want to help it, i'm glad it's just there
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
i never want it to go away
~Mandy~ says:
me either
~Mandy~ says:
please make it stay
~Mandy~ says:
i officially call this the best conversation i've ever had
~Mandy~ says:
and most of it is screaming
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
sam here
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~Mandy~ says:
wow
~Mandy~ says:
after this we're going to have to count how many times we wrote wow
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
lol wow
~Mandy~ says:
wow wow wow wowity wow wow
~Mandy~ says:
haha
~Mandy~ says:
wowity?
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
wowity thats a new one
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
lol
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
wow
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
im definatally not going to beable to sleep
~Mandy~ says:
me either
~Mandy~ says:
i'm so wide awake
~Mandy~ says:
i think it's raining
~Mandy~ says:
running around in the rain sounds like fun
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
with u
~Mandy~ says:
yes
~Mandy~ says:
i mean, with me, well with myself and you
~Mandy~ says:
hehe
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~Mandy~ says:
my face is going to be hurting tomorrow
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
perminate smile and laughing will do that
~Mandy~ says:
i need some sleep, but i can't
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
i wont beable to
~Mandy~ says:
it's impossible
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~Mandy~ says:
what are we going to do?
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
i have no clue
~Mandy~ says:
does it matter?
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
no
So I just copied over a chunk of the convo. Ok, you're like wow, that's a lot... it wasn't even half the convo. We started talking at 10 and ended at 2 am. Before that we were on the phone until both of mine went dead. I'm so scared he's going to hurt me. At the same time I know I've hurt one of my closest friends and he's hurting very much and all I want to do is make it better but with this whole thing with Zach, idk what to do but I'm going to go.
Never have I ever been at a loss for the feelings I'm having. This one I'm having right now is a big mix of indifference, happyness, weariness, excitement, anticipation, and dread. The indifference is over a fight I had with this guy earlier... the whole thing was much overworked and just a stupid topic. The happyness is all because of Zach and at the same time so is the weariness, and part of the dread. It's so good and I've only known him 4 days and I've never felt this way about anyone. I'm so scared because the feelings I'm having are so strong for him and I like it but at the same time it scares me so badly. Ok, we had this conversation over Msn last night and it was just... I never thought I could feel so... and convey my feelings... here just read it:
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
and just all the stuff i can tell u and not have to worry and i have nerver felt that way with ne even with tricia fo how long i went out with her
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
its really wierd but it is a really good feeling
~Mandy~ says:
same with you, i've always doubted telling anyone anything, always had that fear of the potential hurt they could cause me i know
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
i cant explian it at all
~Mandy~ says:
it's wierd, confusing, and good
~Mandy~ says:
all at once
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
wow
~Mandy~ says:
i just got the feeling
~Mandy~ says:
it just happened
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
what feeling
~Mandy~ says:
just earlier
~Mandy~ says:
that feeling
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
the one we cant explain
~Mandy~ says:
yea
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~Mandy~ says:
it just came over me when i really realized
~Mandy~ says:
really thought about this
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
...
~Mandy~ says:
...
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
oh i thoiught u were gonna say something after that
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
what did u realize
~Mandy~ says:
no, just when i really thought about you and me, how we met, how we just clicked
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
ah
~Mandy~ says:
idk what i realized but it's something i've never had before
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah same here
~Mandy~ says:
it's freaking me out, not in a bad way but is it for you too?
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~Mandy~ says:
does this really happen?
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
but i feels good so
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
idk
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
idk it just did
~Mandy~ says:
that's how it was
~Mandy~ says:
3 days and it just did
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
like mabye we are kinda
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
idk how to say it
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
right for eachother mabye
~Mandy~ says:
that's how it feels
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
idk it is a really wierd feeling
~Mandy~ says:
like however wierd it is, it's right
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
wow
~Mandy~ says:
yea, wow, is right
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
thogugh just keep going through my head
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
like all of u to
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
thoughts
~Mandy~ says:
i want to be there
~Mandy~ says:
and not physically
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
?
~Mandy~ says:
both ways
~Mandy~ says:
not just physically*
~Mandy~ says:
i feel drawn
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
what do u mean
~Mandy~ says:
to you
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah i feel the same way bout u
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
and i just the greatest feeling i get]
~Mandy~ says:
this is the greatest feeling
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
i know
~Mandy~ says:
how?
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
?
~Mandy~ says:
it doesn't matter
~Mandy~ says:
i just
~Mandy~ says:
it's unexplainable
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
like how is it the greatest feeling
~Mandy~ says:
like how it happened
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
it is unexplainable
~Mandy~ says:
and it isn't just my tummy that's all jumpy, it's me
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah it's all over
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
its like the perfect feeling
~Mandy~ says:
i know
~Mandy~ says:
and i just... i can't even express it
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
i know
~Mandy~ says:
i'm so tired and i don't want to sleep
~Mandy~ says:
i don't think i can
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
ill be thinking to much
~Mandy~ says:
same here
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
it feeling like electricity is going through my body again and again
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
one person has overtaken my mind
~Mandy~ says:
same here
~Mandy~ says:
get out, jk
~Mandy~ says:
stay there
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
lol
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
i cant stop moving
~Mandy~ says:
i can't even type anything
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
im so happy right now
~Mandy~ says:
hehe
~Mandy~ says:
YEA
~Mandy~ says:
hehe
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA IM SO HAPPY
~Mandy~ says:
YAY
~Mandy~ says:
i can't stop laughing
~Mandy~ says:
i'm going to wake someone up
~Mandy~ says:
and i don't care
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
we cant help having this feeling
~Mandy~ says:
and i don't want to help it, i'm glad it's just there
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
i never want it to go away
~Mandy~ says:
me either
~Mandy~ says:
please make it stay
~Mandy~ says:
i officially call this the best conversation i've ever had
~Mandy~ says:
and most of it is screaming
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
sam here
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~Mandy~ says:
wow
~Mandy~ says:
after this we're going to have to count how many times we wrote wow
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
lol wow
~Mandy~ says:
wow wow wow wowity wow wow
~Mandy~ says:
haha
~Mandy~ says:
wowity?
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
wowity thats a new one
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
lol
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
wow
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
im definatally not going to beable to sleep
~Mandy~ says:
me either
~Mandy~ says:
i'm so wide awake
~Mandy~ says:
i think it's raining
~Mandy~ says:
running around in the rain sounds like fun
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
with u
~Mandy~ says:
yes
~Mandy~ says:
i mean, with me, well with myself and you
~Mandy~ says:
hehe
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~Mandy~ says:
my face is going to be hurting tomorrow
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
perminate smile and laughing will do that
~Mandy~ says:
i need some sleep, but i can't
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
i wont beable to
~Mandy~ says:
it's impossible
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
yeah
~Mandy~ says:
what are we going to do?
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
i have no clue
~Mandy~ says:
does it matter?
~You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And i dont want to go home right now~ says:
no
So I just copied over a chunk of the convo. Ok, you're like wow, that's a lot... it wasn't even half the convo. We started talking at 10 and ended at 2 am. Before that we were on the phone until both of mine went dead. I'm so scared he's going to hurt me. At the same time I know I've hurt one of my closest friends and he's hurting very much and all I want to do is make it better but with this whole thing with Zach, idk what to do but I'm going to go.
Mandy ~ 11:12 PM