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Thursday, October 16, 2003
La De Dah!
'Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?'... I'm listening to that song now. It's called 'Why Can't I' by Liz Phair and it's the song Zack told me reminds him of me. It actually came on the radio when we stopped at the bank and I finally took my clarinet into the shop and we bought an electric tuner, which was $33. I'm going through Zack withdrawal... he didn't e-mail me this morning. I don't know why but I'm so extremely attached to Zack and I can't help it. I like liking him it's just that I like him a lot... probably more than he likes me. *sigh*
I think Heather is mad at me again because I asked her if she wanted to go to the v-ball game tonight, it's Angs last home game so I really wanted to watch it and she said she was doing too much and then she asked Kate if Kate wanted to do something. I think it's a hint. Oh and Kate and I are fighting really badly but I guess it's fine since she's obviously trying to tell me she doesn't want to be around me. I think I should become a loner again because then I don't have to deal with friends and "friends". All they do is bring me down when I'm happy with anyone else besides them because then they think I'm leaving them, which shouldn't matter because I'm useless anyway.
So enough of that crap. I'm not going to write my true feelings because then people are going to pity me and all I really want right now is to see Zack. Even if I saw him at like a store or in town and talked to him for a couple of minutes I'd feel better. The part that's really annoying is that he's only 5 minutes away when he's at Ang's volleyball games... so close and yet so far because I need permission and a ride. I wished someone knew how I felt, just one person. No, I wished everyone knew how I felt so then they wouldn't get so mad at me for being this way. I'm trying so hard to be nice to friends and it's just not happening because not seeing Zack and them not being able to realize how it feels... I can't even connect with them and more than anything I want to tell them to leave me alone so I can be a loner.
Ok so now that I'm being overly depressed I think I should go...
'Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?'... I'm listening to that song now. It's called 'Why Can't I' by Liz Phair and it's the song Zack told me reminds him of me. It actually came on the radio when we stopped at the bank and I finally took my clarinet into the shop and we bought an electric tuner, which was $33. I'm going through Zack withdrawal... he didn't e-mail me this morning. I don't know why but I'm so extremely attached to Zack and I can't help it. I like liking him it's just that I like him a lot... probably more than he likes me. *sigh*
I think Heather is mad at me again because I asked her if she wanted to go to the v-ball game tonight, it's Angs last home game so I really wanted to watch it and she said she was doing too much and then she asked Kate if Kate wanted to do something. I think it's a hint. Oh and Kate and I are fighting really badly but I guess it's fine since she's obviously trying to tell me she doesn't want to be around me. I think I should become a loner again because then I don't have to deal with friends and "friends". All they do is bring me down when I'm happy with anyone else besides them because then they think I'm leaving them, which shouldn't matter because I'm useless anyway.
So enough of that crap. I'm not going to write my true feelings because then people are going to pity me and all I really want right now is to see Zack. Even if I saw him at like a store or in town and talked to him for a couple of minutes I'd feel better. The part that's really annoying is that he's only 5 minutes away when he's at Ang's volleyball games... so close and yet so far because I need permission and a ride. I wished someone knew how I felt, just one person. No, I wished everyone knew how I felt so then they wouldn't get so mad at me for being this way. I'm trying so hard to be nice to friends and it's just not happening because not seeing Zack and them not being able to realize how it feels... I can't even connect with them and more than anything I want to tell them to leave me alone so I can be a loner.
Ok so now that I'm being overly depressed I think I should go...
Mandy ~ 4:52 PM