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albinoblacksheep.com
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Tuesday, October 14, 2003
Losing the Fight
I'm just slowly giving in to everything because I'm so tired I just don't care to fight anymore. Tonight I was hoping I could go to Zacks last football game under the lights. It's a really big thing for him and I really wanted to be there even if it meant sitting alone but I couldn't because I didn't have a ride. Well the game started 5 minutes ago. My mom's at the doctors in Wooddruff and my dad's out at the rental house in Pelican and I'm sure even if they were here they wouldn't take me. Sarah and Ben are both gone and it's just Kate and me.
*sigh* There's nothing I want more than to be at the game right now watching Zack playing football. I can see him out on the field playing in my head. It's really bothering me and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't be mad at my parents for fufilling their responsibilities but mad at myself for not finding another way to be there, but I guess it's for the best because I don't want to use a friend to get a ride.
I was talking to Susie about my dad and they way he treats me and I really didn't know how to defend it because it's hard to defend someone when you know deep down they're wrong in what they're doing. Yes, Susie that means I'm admitting to knowing it's wrong and I don't deserve it, and yet I still can't help the fact that I feel responsible in some way. Everyone reading this is probably thinking 'what the hell is she talking about'. Well everyone except Susie but I can't explain it now and I don't want to either because it's pretty involved, and I've already bitched enough about missing Zacks game. So I'm going to go draw now since I'm getting kicked off the computer.
I'm just slowly giving in to everything because I'm so tired I just don't care to fight anymore. Tonight I was hoping I could go to Zacks last football game under the lights. It's a really big thing for him and I really wanted to be there even if it meant sitting alone but I couldn't because I didn't have a ride. Well the game started 5 minutes ago. My mom's at the doctors in Wooddruff and my dad's out at the rental house in Pelican and I'm sure even if they were here they wouldn't take me. Sarah and Ben are both gone and it's just Kate and me.
*sigh* There's nothing I want more than to be at the game right now watching Zack playing football. I can see him out on the field playing in my head. It's really bothering me and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't be mad at my parents for fufilling their responsibilities but mad at myself for not finding another way to be there, but I guess it's for the best because I don't want to use a friend to get a ride.
I was talking to Susie about my dad and they way he treats me and I really didn't know how to defend it because it's hard to defend someone when you know deep down they're wrong in what they're doing. Yes, Susie that means I'm admitting to knowing it's wrong and I don't deserve it, and yet I still can't help the fact that I feel responsible in some way. Everyone reading this is probably thinking 'what the hell is she talking about'. Well everyone except Susie but I can't explain it now and I don't want to either because it's pretty involved, and I've already bitched enough about missing Zacks game. So I'm going to go draw now since I'm getting kicked off the computer.
Mandy ~ 6:10 PM