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Sunday, November 16, 2003
Initiative, What's That?
That sounds like me, hehe. I just kind of kick back and wait for things to happen and if I don't like them I just tell myself maybe I should've done something when I could've. Today is the last day of doing spotlight for the play, it's at 2 so I'm going there at 11:30 or 12 because I'm not quite sure when I'm supposed to be there. Katie is out flying today so I have to do the whole show by myself and I've never ran the whole show alone... I'll be all alone only connected to Anthony on a headset. Now if any day was a good day for Zach to come to the play it would be today because we'd be alone but he has work.
Two nights ago Anthony got both Katie and me carnations showing his appreciation and he even apologized to me to my face and over his blogger and that made me feel a lot better because I thought he was really mad at me. I'm just really nervous because it's my first time doing the spotlight and I just want everything to be perfect. Everyone else is doing their part and I just want to give them that equal effort they deserve. Just writing about it makes me even more nervous so I'm going to write about...
Zach came to the Friday and Saturday plays. Friday night I just started panicking and he was there and I just wanted to close my eyes and crawl into his arms. Whenever I'm in his arms it's just us and I love escaping the world like that. I have to leave for the play really soon and I'm not ready yet. I had a nice little talk with Anthony about life and how people blame themselves for things that go wrong.
~Mandy~ says:
last night i was trying to find the little mermaid for sarah and me to watch and i found a tape that read badger band day 2002
~Mandy~ says:
and i popped it in
- = Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
lol
~Mandy~ says:
and the first part was the spring concert
~Mandy~ says:
and i saw lindsey and i just...
~Mandy~ says:
whew
- = Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
yea
~Mandy~ says:
yea, it's so hard to realize
- = Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
makes you look at life different
~Mandy~ says:
yea, it does, a lot of things have been doing that to me recently
- = Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
yea
~Mandy~ says:
like a lot of things have just seemed to be happening... but it's more like they were always there and i never saw them
~Mandy~ says:
like the whole thing with jameson
- = Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
yeah
~Mandy~ says:
it's like everyone tells us life isn't fair and all that stuff to try to warn us but we're completely ignorant because it was always so easy, for the most part
- = Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
yeap
~Mandy~ says:
no one can ever tell another person how unfair life is... it's one of those things you have to experience to realize...
~Mandy~ says:
so i'm going to shut my face now because this isn't going in a good direction
= Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
I've aready come to terms with that, why would it depress me, I don't have control over it
~Mandy~ says:
i know but some people think they can change it... somehow, somewhere along the line the things that happen to them were caused by them or something they did played a part in what happened
~Mandy~ says:
they replay it over and over again and think of all the what-ifs and beat themselves up over them
~Mandy~ says:
although they could've never have known what they did in the past caused something else to happen, like just because something in their life effected them means that they caused it somehow
~Mandy~ says:
but that isn't always true...
- = Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
I don't do that, no use, you can't change it
Then he had to leave because he's going to be there right now, 12 and I have to be there in 15-30 so I'm going to go get ready. I post things for a reason... doesn't everyone do the things they do for a reason too? Whenever someone does something you don't understand don't wait to ask because you might never get the second chance to ask later.
That sounds like me, hehe. I just kind of kick back and wait for things to happen and if I don't like them I just tell myself maybe I should've done something when I could've. Today is the last day of doing spotlight for the play, it's at 2 so I'm going there at 11:30 or 12 because I'm not quite sure when I'm supposed to be there. Katie is out flying today so I have to do the whole show by myself and I've never ran the whole show alone... I'll be all alone only connected to Anthony on a headset. Now if any day was a good day for Zach to come to the play it would be today because we'd be alone but he has work.
Two nights ago Anthony got both Katie and me carnations showing his appreciation and he even apologized to me to my face and over his blogger and that made me feel a lot better because I thought he was really mad at me. I'm just really nervous because it's my first time doing the spotlight and I just want everything to be perfect. Everyone else is doing their part and I just want to give them that equal effort they deserve. Just writing about it makes me even more nervous so I'm going to write about...
Zach came to the Friday and Saturday plays. Friday night I just started panicking and he was there and I just wanted to close my eyes and crawl into his arms. Whenever I'm in his arms it's just us and I love escaping the world like that. I have to leave for the play really soon and I'm not ready yet. I had a nice little talk with Anthony about life and how people blame themselves for things that go wrong.
~Mandy~ says:
last night i was trying to find the little mermaid for sarah and me to watch and i found a tape that read badger band day 2002
~Mandy~ says:
and i popped it in
- = Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
lol
~Mandy~ says:
and the first part was the spring concert
~Mandy~ says:
and i saw lindsey and i just...
~Mandy~ says:
whew
- = Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
yea
~Mandy~ says:
yea, it's so hard to realize
- = Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
makes you look at life different
~Mandy~ says:
yea, it does, a lot of things have been doing that to me recently
- = Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
yea
~Mandy~ says:
like a lot of things have just seemed to be happening... but it's more like they were always there and i never saw them
~Mandy~ says:
like the whole thing with jameson
- = Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
yeah
~Mandy~ says:
it's like everyone tells us life isn't fair and all that stuff to try to warn us but we're completely ignorant because it was always so easy, for the most part
- = Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
yeap
~Mandy~ says:
no one can ever tell another person how unfair life is... it's one of those things you have to experience to realize...
~Mandy~ says:
so i'm going to shut my face now because this isn't going in a good direction
= Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
I've aready come to terms with that, why would it depress me, I don't have control over it
~Mandy~ says:
i know but some people think they can change it... somehow, somewhere along the line the things that happen to them were caused by them or something they did played a part in what happened
~Mandy~ says:
they replay it over and over again and think of all the what-ifs and beat themselves up over them
~Mandy~ says:
although they could've never have known what they did in the past caused something else to happen, like just because something in their life effected them means that they caused it somehow
~Mandy~ says:
but that isn't always true...
- = Crashed my own house party 'cause nobody came = - says:
I don't do that, no use, you can't change it
Then he had to leave because he's going to be there right now, 12 and I have to be there in 15-30 so I'm going to go get ready. I post things for a reason... doesn't everyone do the things they do for a reason too? Whenever someone does something you don't understand don't wait to ask because you might never get the second chance to ask later.
Mandy ~ 10:42 AM