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Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Panic Attack
*sigh* All I have to say is it's nice to be home. Today I had a panic attack 4th hour after I'd gotten back the grammar test I failed (58%). I was thinking about Solo Ensemble and how I didn't have any of my singing songs memorized and how the groups haven't been practicing enough and I just started freaking out. I've actually been waiting for it because the last one I had was... wait it was last year, that I remember because Jameson was comforting me. Wow, I haven't had one in a while. I broke out in hives on my chest and couldn't breathe so I told Trisha and I got up and walked out of the classroom so no one would get freaked out. I went into the bathroom and just cried (that automatically happens when I get panic attacks) and I was about to walk back into grammar and I found Anthony and Kevin and they talked to me and comforted me, which was nice. Then Kevin went into history and told Kate and she came out and so did Trisha and we went to the bathroom again because I hadn't stopped crying. Kate and I walked so I could breathe and she walked me down to the office but I didn't want to go to the sick room because I didn't want to miss any more class so I went back up to grammar and Santy was really good about it. He gave me some water and after class he told me about how he got really bad nerves before performances.
Enough about that stupid crap. My body is dumb and that's all there is to it. I just need to calm down and play some games and talk to friends and I'll be just fine. Job, you picked a winner, haha. After school Job came into grammar (which suprised me) while I was talking to Santy about his guitar thing and Job was thoroughly confused about what happened because everyone else knew. I told him on the way to the band room and I don't think even after that he understood. Heck, I don't even know fully why and/or how my body does it but it's thoroughly annoying and I can't wait until it goes away if it will at all.
Job told me about how us laying together when I came to his house was inappropriate in the terms of his mom and I got extremely bothered because the last thing I want to do is offend his family. I then decided to stay away from Job as much as I could trying to break my habit of clinging with him. He whined which was too cute to ignore so I kind of gave in but I was still bothered by what his mom said. A few times I pretended to faint and I took him down with me because he didn't want to hurt my ribs that were aggravated. Stupid body. It was funny when he put his arms around me and put me in a death grip because I tried to get out and he'd constrict and then I pretended like I was hurt and said 'ow' in the worst acting possible so he'd know I wasn't actually hurt. Beau Walker saw what was happening and gave us his most evil reprimanding look which was pretty evil looking. I think it made Job laugh although it made me feel horrible. Well I'm going to eat some fish... in a game.
P.S. I also told Mrs. P I wanted to drop my solo and she got angry and said fine so I don't know if I'm going to or not because she saw me crying and talked to me and told me to take one song at a time. All I have to say is I can't wait until S and E is over!
*sigh* All I have to say is it's nice to be home. Today I had a panic attack 4th hour after I'd gotten back the grammar test I failed (58%). I was thinking about Solo Ensemble and how I didn't have any of my singing songs memorized and how the groups haven't been practicing enough and I just started freaking out. I've actually been waiting for it because the last one I had was... wait it was last year, that I remember because Jameson was comforting me. Wow, I haven't had one in a while. I broke out in hives on my chest and couldn't breathe so I told Trisha and I got up and walked out of the classroom so no one would get freaked out. I went into the bathroom and just cried (that automatically happens when I get panic attacks) and I was about to walk back into grammar and I found Anthony and Kevin and they talked to me and comforted me, which was nice. Then Kevin went into history and told Kate and she came out and so did Trisha and we went to the bathroom again because I hadn't stopped crying. Kate and I walked so I could breathe and she walked me down to the office but I didn't want to go to the sick room because I didn't want to miss any more class so I went back up to grammar and Santy was really good about it. He gave me some water and after class he told me about how he got really bad nerves before performances.
Enough about that stupid crap. My body is dumb and that's all there is to it. I just need to calm down and play some games and talk to friends and I'll be just fine. Job, you picked a winner, haha. After school Job came into grammar (which suprised me) while I was talking to Santy about his guitar thing and Job was thoroughly confused about what happened because everyone else knew. I told him on the way to the band room and I don't think even after that he understood. Heck, I don't even know fully why and/or how my body does it but it's thoroughly annoying and I can't wait until it goes away if it will at all.
Job told me about how us laying together when I came to his house was inappropriate in the terms of his mom and I got extremely bothered because the last thing I want to do is offend his family. I then decided to stay away from Job as much as I could trying to break my habit of clinging with him. He whined which was too cute to ignore so I kind of gave in but I was still bothered by what his mom said. A few times I pretended to faint and I took him down with me because he didn't want to hurt my ribs that were aggravated. Stupid body. It was funny when he put his arms around me and put me in a death grip because I tried to get out and he'd constrict and then I pretended like I was hurt and said 'ow' in the worst acting possible so he'd know I wasn't actually hurt. Beau Walker saw what was happening and gave us his most evil reprimanding look which was pretty evil looking. I think it made Job laugh although it made me feel horrible. Well I'm going to eat some fish... in a game.
P.S. I also told Mrs. P I wanted to drop my solo and she got angry and said fine so I don't know if I'm going to or not because she saw me crying and talked to me and told me to take one song at a time. All I have to say is I can't wait until S and E is over!
Mandy ~ 5:41 PM