Who I Am
These are my true thoughts...
My Past
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
Favorite Websites
albinoblacksheep.com
www.myspace.com
www.ebaumsworld.com
Credits of the Creator
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Picture found @ Digital Blasphemy
Thursday, February 26, 2004
*Peers Through Her Hair at the Blank Screen*
Solo and Ensemble is in two days and I don't feel ready. I'm doing two introductions, one for my solo and the other for Kayla's and my duet. I have no idea what I'm saying for interesting aspects but I have everything else down. I've gone through all of my singing things at least a couple of times without music. Kayla and I have done our duet numbers of times for our treble choir and today Kate, Kayla, and me did our trio for the concert chorus which is around 50 people, at least. We did rather well with the exception of a few things like Kate was a little hesitant on our tempo change and I breathed in the wrong place, same with Kayla.
Today we had an assembly part of 1st and 2nd hour for acedemics and I was bored out of my mind as usual. Grades and me, me and grades. We (like I'm referring to grades as something tangible, oh well, they could have feelings... *raises eyebrow*) don't really mix well. I try and sometimes I get lazy and then my grades reflect that but *sigh* enough about grades and onto the real issues. Haha. So we walked into the auditorium and I found Jasmine on the way and I sat next to her. On some weird coincidence Jenn Maas ended up sitting next to me so I pointed out Job in the jazz band and I couldn't stop looking at him. He was so cute up there playing trumpet in Jazz band. He's got this... essence or something that makes it so easy for me to find him in a crowd or whereever. It's like when he's near I can feel his presense.
Now I'm talking to him about how I'm conflicted because I want to make everyone happy. I'm definitely going to die trying but it's just the way I am. He told me that his mom thought it was inappropriate that we were laying together and now everytime he hugs me I feel guilty because of what his mom said. He keeps telling me he shouldn't have told me what his mom said because then I wouldn't feel guilty. I think not knowing would've been worse because then... well I'd say I'd go against his mom's wishes even more but when I think about it I'm not the type to really throw myself on a guy. Besides hugging him and holding hands we pretty much do nothing. We have our playful moments and some are annoyed, some are indifferent, and some think it's cute. I have to realize everyone has their own opinions and I should do what I do and be who I am and if anyone has a problem it's theirs and not for me to change just to their liking. I like Job way too much to let what anyone else may say effect that.
He just made a blogger and wrote about how much he likes me and how I don't know it and he may just be right because I feel the same way. I always feel like something I may do or say will drive him away. Haha, that was a good one... a new msn title perhaps? Or maybe a start to another horrible poem of mine? Well at least not for now... not for now, maybe for later... Sorry, I'm having many creative thoughts at the moment and I'm not sure why. I want a root beer float. That may have seemed add-ish but I've been hungry for a while and thinking about logging off to go make one seen as I haven't eaten since after school today. That and I may have subconsciously decided to type that because I wanted to change from that sensitive subject? Ahh, the complexities of my brain... pretty sad when even I do not understand them.
Now I'm talking to Chris, mostly about Job too. I don't think more than 10 seconds may pass when I don't think about him. I've found myself drifting off in class thinking about him and usually it's bad because then I don't catch what the teacher's saying but it really passes the time until I get to see him. Job, I don't think you realize how much I like you. You may think because I'm pretty (this being the second time I've admitted to being not hard to look at) that you don't deserve me or something crazy like that but have you ever looked in the mirror? I'm sorry, we're all relatively shallow people and those who say they don't go out with people for what they look like are liars because maybe they just like the "untraditional" attractiveness which basically means they don't find the normal standard of beauty fits their standards of what beauty is or should be.
*shakes head* I'm getting too enveloped with this at this hour of the night. Especially since it's around now that I start making up philosophies about life such as that last quite trivial thought on the standards of beauty. In my opinion Americans are rather... well have is more like it, have a broad view of what beauty is and it's a good thing because no one should be treated any differently for the way they look. Acting on the other hand... well as I said I will not envelope myself any further into a topic which may take me to a place I can't leave and then I'll be kicked off the pc without an explaination and people may be offended because they took my words out of the context of which I meant them. Ok, I can't remember what I was going to write about next because I got too submersed in thinking again so night too all.
Solo and Ensemble is in two days and I don't feel ready. I'm doing two introductions, one for my solo and the other for Kayla's and my duet. I have no idea what I'm saying for interesting aspects but I have everything else down. I've gone through all of my singing things at least a couple of times without music. Kayla and I have done our duet numbers of times for our treble choir and today Kate, Kayla, and me did our trio for the concert chorus which is around 50 people, at least. We did rather well with the exception of a few things like Kate was a little hesitant on our tempo change and I breathed in the wrong place, same with Kayla.
Today we had an assembly part of 1st and 2nd hour for acedemics and I was bored out of my mind as usual. Grades and me, me and grades. We (like I'm referring to grades as something tangible, oh well, they could have feelings... *raises eyebrow*) don't really mix well. I try and sometimes I get lazy and then my grades reflect that but *sigh* enough about grades and onto the real issues. Haha. So we walked into the auditorium and I found Jasmine on the way and I sat next to her. On some weird coincidence Jenn Maas ended up sitting next to me so I pointed out Job in the jazz band and I couldn't stop looking at him. He was so cute up there playing trumpet in Jazz band. He's got this... essence or something that makes it so easy for me to find him in a crowd or whereever. It's like when he's near I can feel his presense.
Now I'm talking to him about how I'm conflicted because I want to make everyone happy. I'm definitely going to die trying but it's just the way I am. He told me that his mom thought it was inappropriate that we were laying together and now everytime he hugs me I feel guilty because of what his mom said. He keeps telling me he shouldn't have told me what his mom said because then I wouldn't feel guilty. I think not knowing would've been worse because then... well I'd say I'd go against his mom's wishes even more but when I think about it I'm not the type to really throw myself on a guy. Besides hugging him and holding hands we pretty much do nothing. We have our playful moments and some are annoyed, some are indifferent, and some think it's cute. I have to realize everyone has their own opinions and I should do what I do and be who I am and if anyone has a problem it's theirs and not for me to change just to their liking. I like Job way too much to let what anyone else may say effect that.
He just made a blogger and wrote about how much he likes me and how I don't know it and he may just be right because I feel the same way. I always feel like something I may do or say will drive him away. Haha, that was a good one... a new msn title perhaps? Or maybe a start to another horrible poem of mine? Well at least not for now... not for now, maybe for later... Sorry, I'm having many creative thoughts at the moment and I'm not sure why. I want a root beer float. That may have seemed add-ish but I've been hungry for a while and thinking about logging off to go make one seen as I haven't eaten since after school today. That and I may have subconsciously decided to type that because I wanted to change from that sensitive subject? Ahh, the complexities of my brain... pretty sad when even I do not understand them.
Now I'm talking to Chris, mostly about Job too. I don't think more than 10 seconds may pass when I don't think about him. I've found myself drifting off in class thinking about him and usually it's bad because then I don't catch what the teacher's saying but it really passes the time until I get to see him. Job, I don't think you realize how much I like you. You may think because I'm pretty (this being the second time I've admitted to being not hard to look at) that you don't deserve me or something crazy like that but have you ever looked in the mirror? I'm sorry, we're all relatively shallow people and those who say they don't go out with people for what they look like are liars because maybe they just like the "untraditional" attractiveness which basically means they don't find the normal standard of beauty fits their standards of what beauty is or should be.
*shakes head* I'm getting too enveloped with this at this hour of the night. Especially since it's around now that I start making up philosophies about life such as that last quite trivial thought on the standards of beauty. In my opinion Americans are rather... well have is more like it, have a broad view of what beauty is and it's a good thing because no one should be treated any differently for the way they look. Acting on the other hand... well as I said I will not envelope myself any further into a topic which may take me to a place I can't leave and then I'll be kicked off the pc without an explaination and people may be offended because they took my words out of the context of which I meant them. Ok, I can't remember what I was going to write about next because I got too submersed in thinking again so night too all.
Mandy ~ 10:52 PM