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Credits of the Creator
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Sunday, March 07, 2004
Insane Night
Today started out slow but ended so great even though I wasn't with Job :(. Around 12 I called Job and made plans to be dropped off at his house 2 hours before the pep band. I had to clean my room, do the laundry, and the dishes to be able to go an hour earlier. My dad thought it was so funny that I was so willing to do all that stuff just for an extra hour. So my dad dropped me off and it was funny because he couldn't even get up the hill so he stopped at the bottom, no biggie. Then almost immediately Job and I got into our swim suits and got into the hot tub and he put in American Wedding and we watched that. It was perverted but funny.
Halfway through the movie Job suggested we sit next to each other so I moved over by him and he put his arm around me and it was just us and our raiseny hands. We got so pruney from being in there so long (not to mention my hair got soaking wet). I like being wet because it just feels so natural especially with the whole growing up on water my entire life. When I didn't live on a lake we had a pool in the back yard. Then his mom walked downstairs while we were all close and wrapped around each other although we didn't even kiss the whole time I was at his house. I'm sure she thought we were making out and doing stuff although we weren't.
Then his mom drove us to pep band and we were late and whenever someone would ask why I'd say 'Job and I were in his hot tub and we forgot about the time'. So then we unpacked our instruments and went up into the bleachers with the band and since we weren't able to leave Job just sat with me during the quarters. Since it was so loud we were "forced" to whisper in each others ears and be so couply. I love being so close to him. Being able to flirt so much and not care what others think. Just being able to be with him and be myself. Not worry that he may think I'm a band geek because he's one too. He's so unbelievably amazing. He cares about me so much and I about him and sometimes I don't think he really feels as though I don't because sometimes I don't show it. I've developed a somewhat hermit side from being hurt so many times by past guys and that alone might lead him to believe I don't like him as much as I do. I just get so attached and it scares me because then I become dependant and the guy then sees his oppurtunity to fuck with me.
I'm not saying it's only guys either because I know girls play mind games too. Hell when I was younger and retarded I played mind games with a certain guy *cough* Treder *cough* who was obsessed with me just because I knew I could. I look back on it and get so mad at myself for leading him on. I went out with him and then after I still flirted with him and I never said anything about still wanting him but it was just nice to know he liked me so much. It's way too much of a power trip but now I just leave boys alone for the most part or at least I try to.
Before Job I convinced myself I was going to stay single for a long time and that only lasted two months. My dad has thoroughly convinced me that every guy I go out with I'm going to hurt and just the way he treats my mom alone is enough to scare me into a nunnery even when I'm AgNoStIc! How messed up is that?! It's crazy though because lately he seems to have been getting nicer although he still makes nasty comments to my mom about her weight. I love her so much and she can't help that she's too sick to even go on her treadmill or even eat. Today she chewed on ice for lunch because almost everything she eats aggravates her stomach so bad and she gets so sick.
So I'm going to go off on a tangent here just for a second because I hit a topic I'd just love to talk about. Tonight I had one of the best nights/day ever because I hung out with my bandies. I'm going to post some of our convo... oh I'm the one with the name 'Tonight Was Insane!'
Tonight Was Insane! says:
we're such goofballs
Don't tell me that you're all better, I don't care if you are. Don't tell me that you're trendsetters, I don't care if you are. says:
lol we are
Tonight Was Insane! says:
who am i still going to remember when i'm grown and have my own family and a completely different life? my bandies, and who will i always have nostalgia and only the best memories of, my bandies, and who have my toughest times have pulled me through, my bandies
Don't tell me that you're all better, I don't care if you are. Don't tell me that you're trendsetters, I don't care if you are. says:
lol no lie
Tonight Was Insane! says:
*tears up* idk what i'm going to do without you guys
Don't tell me that you're all better, I don't care if you are. Don't tell me that you're trendsetters, I don't care if you are. says:
lol, we'll make you feel better when you're sad and lonley, cause you'll think of us and how much fun we had, and then you'll think about how many fun times are too come, and you'll feel better
Tonight Was Insane! says:
i'm serious, when i'm a senior i'm going to ask to give a speech because you can at graduation and i'm going to get up there and say 'however cliche this may sound highschool was a hard experience and i can't exactly say i have a whole lot to show outside of a few things because i was never the best student. no matter how many band geek jokes there may be remember it's those who aren't in band
Tonight Was Insane! says:
who make them up. there was a teacher who once told me he knew the band kids were above everyone else just because he had this awesome bonding through the music we played. i'll always remember him and all of my bandies who've stood by me through everything'
Tonight Was Insane! says:
something like that
Tonight Was Insane! says:
because there's no way i can leave rhs without acknowledging my love for band and everyone in it
Don't tell me that you're all better, I don't care if you are. Don't tell me that you're trendsetters, I don't care if you are. says:
yea, that well be awesome
*sigh* Back to my night... After pep band a whole bunch of bandies got together to go bowling. Katie Barbian, Anthony Hook, Emily, Anthony Padget, Kate, Mike, Ben Murphy, and Andy Polzin (Job couldn't come because he couldn't get a hold of his mom to ask permission so his mom's friend took him home). We all went to the bowling alley and all of the lanes were booked so we loitered around outside in the cold snowing night until we went inside because I found out it was only Ben and Jason bowling and we had 8 ppl at that time (-anthony p) and we were going to wait half hour and if the people for lane 5 didn't show in half hour one of the guys who worked there said we could have their lane. Then we waited around for about 10 minutes and got bored and decided we wanted to do something then and not wait. We were all trying to decide on a movie but Emily and I had seen both movie picks already so that was pretty much out of the question besides not everyone wanting to go to the movies.
Instead I suggested we go somewhere to eat because I was starving and I said I wanted pizza so we decided on Pizza Hut. Kate and I jumped in Katie's caravan, Mike went with Will in his truck, Emily drove Anthony, and Andy and Ben brought themselves. Anthony Padget also brought this frosh whose name is elizabeth, I believe and I invited Ariel since I haven't seen her a lot. Then some other guy came who knew Ariel and we all got a table and joked around with the employees there and had so much fun in this huge group with Pizza Hut all to ourselves because it was like 10:30. We all ordered and sat around, played games, talked, and joked around. It was one of those moments I know I'll look back on and cry about how good it all was. Being able to be happy even when I wasn't with my bf and missing him was tolerable because I know I'd see him soon because... it was all too good, too good to go wrong.
Too good to go wrong
I finally belong
Found my niche
Only one glitch
One day it'll be gone
Of this thought which dawns...
Upon me when I'm alone to think
It'll pass in a blink
because it is so good
They'll leave as they came
With no one to blame
After that life
More suffering and strife
Then when I'm old
The memories will fold
Like old notes
Where you can't tell what was wrote
Upon them like...
The memories in my head
Sad to say one day they too will be dead
Woah. That just came out of the morbid part of my brain which takes about about 90% of my brain, JK. Although sometimes I do seem rather morbid. I always feel as though in the finality of it it wouldn't be final if it didn't end in sadness and pain like death should be. Well that's the way it is for me. I know I'm not going to celebrate anytime soon when any of my loved ones die. Well I'm going to finish up the rest of my night because I'm getting rather cooky.
After that we paid and vacated to go home. Kate, Mike, and me all got a ride with Ben Murphy because he lives 1.5 miles away from us. So he started driving and he knew where our house was but he passed it and I even warned him as he was coming up to the driveway. So then he's like 'can we drive around a bit? I don't feel like going home just yet'. So of course I didn't object because it was just nice to sit back in the passengers seat and enjoy a nice ride and the freedom away from my parents. Of course Kate and Mike didn't object either because they had the back seat to themselves to visit before Mike leaves for his cruise tomorrow. So Ben and I talked while Kate and Mike made sure their last moments would last them a whole week without each other.
Ben and I covered a lot of topics. We talked about Jameson, our exes (mostly just Ben's) and other various things friends talk about. We drove to Eagle River before we actually noticed. Actually it was the town in between Eagle River and Rhinelander but it's such a small town I can't remember. So it was around quarter after 11 when we finally realized Mike had to be home at 11:30 and Ben turned around and headed back, dropped Mike off just in time and then took Kate and me home. Ben's such a nice kid and I think people really snub him off more than they should. I still wished Job could've come along. Oh well I had a friends night.
Besides yesterday I saw Starsky and Hutch with Job, his mom, and brother and holy wow. I'll finish this later because it's 2:30 am and I'm on my 14th paragraph. Since 13 is my lucky number I'm stopping now. I'll explain that last comment tomorrow.
Today started out slow but ended so great even though I wasn't with Job :(. Around 12 I called Job and made plans to be dropped off at his house 2 hours before the pep band. I had to clean my room, do the laundry, and the dishes to be able to go an hour earlier. My dad thought it was so funny that I was so willing to do all that stuff just for an extra hour. So my dad dropped me off and it was funny because he couldn't even get up the hill so he stopped at the bottom, no biggie. Then almost immediately Job and I got into our swim suits and got into the hot tub and he put in American Wedding and we watched that. It was perverted but funny.
Halfway through the movie Job suggested we sit next to each other so I moved over by him and he put his arm around me and it was just us and our raiseny hands. We got so pruney from being in there so long (not to mention my hair got soaking wet). I like being wet because it just feels so natural especially with the whole growing up on water my entire life. When I didn't live on a lake we had a pool in the back yard. Then his mom walked downstairs while we were all close and wrapped around each other although we didn't even kiss the whole time I was at his house. I'm sure she thought we were making out and doing stuff although we weren't.
Then his mom drove us to pep band and we were late and whenever someone would ask why I'd say 'Job and I were in his hot tub and we forgot about the time'. So then we unpacked our instruments and went up into the bleachers with the band and since we weren't able to leave Job just sat with me during the quarters. Since it was so loud we were "forced" to whisper in each others ears and be so couply. I love being so close to him. Being able to flirt so much and not care what others think. Just being able to be with him and be myself. Not worry that he may think I'm a band geek because he's one too. He's so unbelievably amazing. He cares about me so much and I about him and sometimes I don't think he really feels as though I don't because sometimes I don't show it. I've developed a somewhat hermit side from being hurt so many times by past guys and that alone might lead him to believe I don't like him as much as I do. I just get so attached and it scares me because then I become dependant and the guy then sees his oppurtunity to fuck with me.
I'm not saying it's only guys either because I know girls play mind games too. Hell when I was younger and retarded I played mind games with a certain guy *cough* Treder *cough* who was obsessed with me just because I knew I could. I look back on it and get so mad at myself for leading him on. I went out with him and then after I still flirted with him and I never said anything about still wanting him but it was just nice to know he liked me so much. It's way too much of a power trip but now I just leave boys alone for the most part or at least I try to.
Before Job I convinced myself I was going to stay single for a long time and that only lasted two months. My dad has thoroughly convinced me that every guy I go out with I'm going to hurt and just the way he treats my mom alone is enough to scare me into a nunnery even when I'm AgNoStIc! How messed up is that?! It's crazy though because lately he seems to have been getting nicer although he still makes nasty comments to my mom about her weight. I love her so much and she can't help that she's too sick to even go on her treadmill or even eat. Today she chewed on ice for lunch because almost everything she eats aggravates her stomach so bad and she gets so sick.
So I'm going to go off on a tangent here just for a second because I hit a topic I'd just love to talk about. Tonight I had one of the best nights/day ever because I hung out with my bandies. I'm going to post some of our convo... oh I'm the one with the name 'Tonight Was Insane!'
Tonight Was Insane! says:
we're such goofballs
Don't tell me that you're all better, I don't care if you are. Don't tell me that you're trendsetters, I don't care if you are. says:
lol we are
Tonight Was Insane! says:
who am i still going to remember when i'm grown and have my own family and a completely different life? my bandies, and who will i always have nostalgia and only the best memories of, my bandies, and who have my toughest times have pulled me through, my bandies
Don't tell me that you're all better, I don't care if you are. Don't tell me that you're trendsetters, I don't care if you are. says:
lol no lie
Tonight Was Insane! says:
*tears up* idk what i'm going to do without you guys
Don't tell me that you're all better, I don't care if you are. Don't tell me that you're trendsetters, I don't care if you are. says:
lol, we'll make you feel better when you're sad and lonley, cause you'll think of us and how much fun we had, and then you'll think about how many fun times are too come, and you'll feel better
Tonight Was Insane! says:
i'm serious, when i'm a senior i'm going to ask to give a speech because you can at graduation and i'm going to get up there and say 'however cliche this may sound highschool was a hard experience and i can't exactly say i have a whole lot to show outside of a few things because i was never the best student. no matter how many band geek jokes there may be remember it's those who aren't in band
Tonight Was Insane! says:
who make them up. there was a teacher who once told me he knew the band kids were above everyone else just because he had this awesome bonding through the music we played. i'll always remember him and all of my bandies who've stood by me through everything'
Tonight Was Insane! says:
something like that
Tonight Was Insane! says:
because there's no way i can leave rhs without acknowledging my love for band and everyone in it
Don't tell me that you're all better, I don't care if you are. Don't tell me that you're trendsetters, I don't care if you are. says:
yea, that well be awesome
*sigh* Back to my night... After pep band a whole bunch of bandies got together to go bowling. Katie Barbian, Anthony Hook, Emily, Anthony Padget, Kate, Mike, Ben Murphy, and Andy Polzin (Job couldn't come because he couldn't get a hold of his mom to ask permission so his mom's friend took him home). We all went to the bowling alley and all of the lanes were booked so we loitered around outside in the cold snowing night until we went inside because I found out it was only Ben and Jason bowling and we had 8 ppl at that time (-anthony p) and we were going to wait half hour and if the people for lane 5 didn't show in half hour one of the guys who worked there said we could have their lane. Then we waited around for about 10 minutes and got bored and decided we wanted to do something then and not wait. We were all trying to decide on a movie but Emily and I had seen both movie picks already so that was pretty much out of the question besides not everyone wanting to go to the movies.
Instead I suggested we go somewhere to eat because I was starving and I said I wanted pizza so we decided on Pizza Hut. Kate and I jumped in Katie's caravan, Mike went with Will in his truck, Emily drove Anthony, and Andy and Ben brought themselves. Anthony Padget also brought this frosh whose name is elizabeth, I believe and I invited Ariel since I haven't seen her a lot. Then some other guy came who knew Ariel and we all got a table and joked around with the employees there and had so much fun in this huge group with Pizza Hut all to ourselves because it was like 10:30. We all ordered and sat around, played games, talked, and joked around. It was one of those moments I know I'll look back on and cry about how good it all was. Being able to be happy even when I wasn't with my bf and missing him was tolerable because I know I'd see him soon because... it was all too good, too good to go wrong.
Too good to go wrong
I finally belong
Found my niche
Only one glitch
One day it'll be gone
Of this thought which dawns...
Upon me when I'm alone to think
It'll pass in a blink
because it is so good
They'll leave as they came
With no one to blame
After that life
More suffering and strife
Then when I'm old
The memories will fold
Like old notes
Where you can't tell what was wrote
Upon them like...
The memories in my head
Sad to say one day they too will be dead
Woah. That just came out of the morbid part of my brain which takes about about 90% of my brain, JK. Although sometimes I do seem rather morbid. I always feel as though in the finality of it it wouldn't be final if it didn't end in sadness and pain like death should be. Well that's the way it is for me. I know I'm not going to celebrate anytime soon when any of my loved ones die. Well I'm going to finish up the rest of my night because I'm getting rather cooky.
After that we paid and vacated to go home. Kate, Mike, and me all got a ride with Ben Murphy because he lives 1.5 miles away from us. So he started driving and he knew where our house was but he passed it and I even warned him as he was coming up to the driveway. So then he's like 'can we drive around a bit? I don't feel like going home just yet'. So of course I didn't object because it was just nice to sit back in the passengers seat and enjoy a nice ride and the freedom away from my parents. Of course Kate and Mike didn't object either because they had the back seat to themselves to visit before Mike leaves for his cruise tomorrow. So Ben and I talked while Kate and Mike made sure their last moments would last them a whole week without each other.
Ben and I covered a lot of topics. We talked about Jameson, our exes (mostly just Ben's) and other various things friends talk about. We drove to Eagle River before we actually noticed. Actually it was the town in between Eagle River and Rhinelander but it's such a small town I can't remember. So it was around quarter after 11 when we finally realized Mike had to be home at 11:30 and Ben turned around and headed back, dropped Mike off just in time and then took Kate and me home. Ben's such a nice kid and I think people really snub him off more than they should. I still wished Job could've come along. Oh well I had a friends night.
Besides yesterday I saw Starsky and Hutch with Job, his mom, and brother and holy wow. I'll finish this later because it's 2:30 am and I'm on my 14th paragraph. Since 13 is my lucky number I'm stopping now. I'll explain that last comment tomorrow.
Mandy ~ 2:37 AM