~The Music of My Life~

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Quite Destructive

So I just had a good cry but in no part was it actually good but I'm sure everyone understand s from the phrase. I just got done talking to Chris and he did the best job of making me feel like shit, I give you 4.5 gold stars (if no one knows that's in reference to School of Rock) which is partially why I find what he wrote in his blog on the 24th semi-ironic.

i love everyone, im sorry if i've ever disrespected anyone...please forgive me

Then again that was three days ago and we all know how highschool "promises" can be so tempramental. You know what. I know copying part of Chris and my convo will annoy him, maybe just provoke him to... who knows what.

~Mandy~ says:
so tell me what exactly did i say to make you say what you did
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
what? fuck off?

~Mandy~ says:
idk why you keep taking your frustrations out on me
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
im not sure anymore, you said something

~Mandy~ says:
*sigh* idk, yesterday i had a plan to ignore you because you seem very mad at me and i have no idea what i've done, so i'd just cut myself out of it all together to avoid being hated
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
oh, ok, well you can plan to ignore me all you want, i dun care anymore
~Mandy~ says:
i know you don't
~Mandy~ says:
which is why it doesn't matter if i'm nice to you or not
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
your right it doesnt
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
go ahead piss me off, cant be any worse than you've done to me b4
~Mandy~ says:
you're treating me like shit so i figure if i just stop being nice to you, stop being anything to you then you'll just leave me alone because you really know how to make me feel bad
~Mandy~ says:
idk what's going on, why you're mad at kt
~Mandy~ says:
but it's none of my business and i'm guessing by the way you're treating me you haven't solved the conflict with kt
~Mandy~ says:
although i know you want to so in the meantime you'll just take out all of your frustration on me
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
would it matter if i did?
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
haha, i dont give you half this shit i should or could
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
the*
~Mandy~ says:
ok then chris, give me all the shit i deserve
~Mandy~ says:
really, let me have it
~Mandy~ says:
i deserve it
~Mandy~ says:
i must
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
naw, that wouldnt be fun
~Mandy~ says:
from the way you're treating me i must deserve to burn in hell, oh wait, you forgot i don't believe in hell, ok then, that'd be too easy, lets just torture me, sounds fun to me, hurting others for fun, go for it, use me, abuse me, call me names, and treat me like shit all at the expense of you having a little fun
~Mandy~ says:
come on chris, we all know the world's goal is for you to have fun
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
hahaha, it sure as hell is
~Mandy~ says:
ok then use it to your full advantage, come on, i'm waiting, have your fun, fuck with me, make me feel like shit, i'm giving you the satisfaction of knowing it hurts when you do
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
yeah, and i almost believe that
~Mandy~ says:
and of course as any warmblooded person should know that anyone calling anyone else any degrading name hurts them
~Mandy~ says:
but of course if they don't then they must be other than that
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
but of course, so what does that make me?
~Mandy~ says:
yes? or am i wrong, come on chris, make me feel like shit, i'm letting you, i haven't blocked you

~Mandy~ says:
i really don't know what i've done to you, at least give me that, let me know that much
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
you havent, you brought this whole thing on yourself and im just playing along
~Mandy~ says:
you're such a great christian, there are so many passages in the bible that go against the way you're treating me now
~Mandy~ says:
ok, then if i brought this whole thing on myself why'd you say 'fuck you' earlier?
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
because, you thought it was fun to mock me
~Mandy~ says:
?
~Mandy~ says:
how did i mock you?
~Mandy~ says:
please, i'd love to hear this

You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
i asked you for advice, you said i only ever talked to you when i wanted advice, i said you dont talk to me period, you said ok, and stopped talking

~Mandy~ says:
so...
~Mandy~ says:
how was i mocking you, i'm still not sure, i'm pretty dumb so you'll have to blatently point it out for me
~Mandy~ says:
never in any of that did i mean to mock you and i'm sorry if you took it that way, i'm sorry you hate me, i'm sorry for whatever i've done to you
~Mandy~ says:
is that good enough?
~Mandy~ says:
no
~Mandy~ says:
of course not
~Mandy~ says:
it never is
~Mandy~ says:
nothing i ever do is, right?
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
now i didnt say that
~Mandy~ says:
I bend and break, to feel the ache, the agony, inside of me, waiting to die, the feelings I..., can't hide, can't decide, this pain again, it always wins... i made that up, how do you like it, is it satisfying really, is it, my tears... the ones i'm crying right now, do those make you happy, because seriously if they do then i'll let you know i'm crying quite a bit
~Mandy~ says:
anything? because you seemed pretty happy earlier, doesn't making me cry make you feel better about yourself? that's how it sounded
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
oh yea, always? i love how you assume things
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
hahaha, nevermind that you pretty much brought this whole thing on yourself...but its still my fault, thats cool
~Mandy~ says:
ok
~Mandy~ says:
treating me like crap is all my fault
~Mandy~ says:
ok, got it, now that i know can i stop making you treat me like crap so i stop crying?
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
haha, im not treating you like crap, im just agreeing/playing along with everything you say
~Mandy~ says:
ok, i jumped into your head and told you what to say to me
~Mandy~ says:
and how you've been treating me, ignoring me whenever i try to talk to you and then one day you just decide to say somethin
~Mandy~ says:
something, what am i supposed to think, react?
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
i havent been ignoring you when you talk to me, you havent been talking to me
~Mandy~ says:
i've been trying
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
and the one day when I talk to YOU then this happens, hahaha
~Mandy~ says:
so many times i've asked what's wrong
~Mandy~ says:
and you just go whatever
~Mandy~ says:
every day
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
like you dont fucking know, you already mentioned it once
~Mandy~ says:
idk if you've just started blocking me out
~Mandy~ says:
yea, that's because kt told me today that you were mad at her
~Mandy~ says:
and that's all i know
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
what!? she said i was mad at her? did she she was mad at me?
~Mandy~ says:
no, she didn't say she was mad at you, she seemed upset to know you were mad at her though
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
what a crock of shit
~Mandy~ says:
that's exactly what she told me and how she acted
~Mandy~ says:
idk if she was lying or acting
~Mandy~ says:
that's exactly what i heard and if you don't believe me kayla was right there, ask her
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
haha, maybe that because i accidentally passed out last night while she was still talking to me
~Mandy~ says:
ok, idk because i shouldn't even be apart of this
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
yeah, ok
I Bend & Break, 2 Feel the Ache, of Agony, Inside of Me, Waiting 2 Die, the Feelings that I... Can't Hide, Can't Decide says:
so now you can go, have you had your fun?
You can't feel my torment...driving me insane... says:
yeah, i think so

Have fun reading that. I'm going now to take a shower.

Mandy ~ 11:16 PM