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Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Living a Life of Obediance
*sigh* I'm so tired. Today I woke up at 8 to get ready for band. Then Kate and I got there 5 minutes late because while mom and I were in the car waiting for her she was searching for the sunscreen which we had in the car. Great example of miscommunication. Suprisingly I actually miss school. Miss seeing everyone and actually doing things so much that to keep myself busy I attempt to do all of the chores around the house. I just end up wearing myself out. I'm just... a lot has been upsetting me and it's nothing I can really talk about. All I have to say is I'm so grateful Job is there for me although at the moment he's on his way to Greenbay for work but he can't help that.
One of the things that's been bothering me I can talk about and that's my brother. A few days ago he hurt his back and he can't work although he's been working 2 jobs almost all of the time. My mom took him to the emergency room after he did it and then again today because he's getting worse. They took an x-ray of his back but they couldn't find anything. All Ben does is sleep and eat in a chair. I usually sit by him and make sure he gets everything he wants or needs and last night I was up on the couch next to him and watching some tv and he just starting screaming from the agony. I almost started crying because there was nothing I could do about it because he'd already taken his pain medication. Last night I had two panic attacks and one of them just happened and I think it was partially because of the fact that I can't do anything to help Ben and the other one was brought on by something else that I've previously mentioned not being able to talk about. People have problems and you just have to stay by them and help them deal even though it may make you sick with worrying about it.
I'm being selfish so now I'm going to talk about sectionals today. I took my clarinet section out to the parking lot and we practiced music the one time and then I taught them all of the commands for street marching and put them into a block group of 3 rows of 3. I taught them the commands; detail to the ready (relaxed, heads down, making the "pressure cookers" sound with clarinets parallel to the ground), band attend hut (calling them to attention, they repeat hut after as loud as possible, with clarinets vertical, mouthpiece at nose height, stiff straight, feet at 45 degree angle, heels together, shoulders back, chest out, chin up), mark time mark (command to start marching in place), and then I'd count four for nothing which means they mark time for 4 counts, and then I'd count to 8 4 times for the block, forward-heel to toe, right-chest facing fowards, twisted hips, back-up on toes, left-twisted hips, facing foward and then after the last count of 8 I'd say 'plant' which means stop and mark time until I'd say 'ready halt' and then they shout '1 2' along with the beat they were marching to and they put the left foot out on 1 and then the right foot out on 2 to make the 45 degree angle again. I thought it was pretty cool because almost all of the freshmen were very cooperative.
There's one girl (Anna Koshak) that's going to give me problems but I'm going to spend some individual time with her so she isn't embarassed about not getting it right away and so she'll have a better feel for marching. My mom was there fitting the new freshmen for uniforms and every one was trying them on when she asked and she asked this girl, Anna Koshak and she vehemently said No and completely shocked my mom. Then I had an attendance for my section and 7 people have never come to either of the 2 practices so far and 3 have only come once, so of my entire section only 9 have attended both of the practices, including me. My section didn't place because, from the mouth of Zunker a couple of them were out of step although I saw people from the first team that placed (the flutes) that were out of step, one girl went the wrong way even. My section stayed in the lines, had spirit, turned right every time, shouted the responses perfectly, rolled their steps, stayed on their toes going backwards, and looked pretty uniformed. I think we didn't make it because it was only 9 people marching as compared to the huge flute section so Zunker had his eyes busy looking over the flute section while it was pretty easy to pick out one mistake in the clarinets.
Well I'm just happy my section is so wonderful and I'm trying to impress upon them every chance I get that the band is just a big, happy family and we're always there for each other. I think once the year gets started and they see the comradery amongst all of the band students they'll just fall right into place. Marci, Katie, and me are constantly joking with them so they're comfortable and not afraid of us like we were our freshman year because we didn't know anything but we learned and I know that they will because they are very bright and seem to have a lot of devotion for the program. They seem to like us all a lot and they're very friendly in return. Ahhh, one of the few things that brings a smile to my face right now. Tomorrow I'm going half an hour early to work with one of the girls, Teresa because I called her and asked her if she wanted any help because she looked flustered and couldn't quite grasp it. She was more than overjoyed and thanked me for offering the help. I also called Anna but no one answered even after I called about 3 times. I don't think she'd be open to the help anyway because I tried to help her during practice and she just acted like I was yelling at her although I made it perfectly clear that I just wanted to help her. Well I'm going to go. This is long enough already.
*sigh* I'm so tired. Today I woke up at 8 to get ready for band. Then Kate and I got there 5 minutes late because while mom and I were in the car waiting for her she was searching for the sunscreen which we had in the car. Great example of miscommunication. Suprisingly I actually miss school. Miss seeing everyone and actually doing things so much that to keep myself busy I attempt to do all of the chores around the house. I just end up wearing myself out. I'm just... a lot has been upsetting me and it's nothing I can really talk about. All I have to say is I'm so grateful Job is there for me although at the moment he's on his way to Greenbay for work but he can't help that.
One of the things that's been bothering me I can talk about and that's my brother. A few days ago he hurt his back and he can't work although he's been working 2 jobs almost all of the time. My mom took him to the emergency room after he did it and then again today because he's getting worse. They took an x-ray of his back but they couldn't find anything. All Ben does is sleep and eat in a chair. I usually sit by him and make sure he gets everything he wants or needs and last night I was up on the couch next to him and watching some tv and he just starting screaming from the agony. I almost started crying because there was nothing I could do about it because he'd already taken his pain medication. Last night I had two panic attacks and one of them just happened and I think it was partially because of the fact that I can't do anything to help Ben and the other one was brought on by something else that I've previously mentioned not being able to talk about. People have problems and you just have to stay by them and help them deal even though it may make you sick with worrying about it.
I'm being selfish so now I'm going to talk about sectionals today. I took my clarinet section out to the parking lot and we practiced music the one time and then I taught them all of the commands for street marching and put them into a block group of 3 rows of 3. I taught them the commands; detail to the ready (relaxed, heads down, making the "pressure cookers" sound with clarinets parallel to the ground), band attend hut (calling them to attention, they repeat hut after as loud as possible, with clarinets vertical, mouthpiece at nose height, stiff straight, feet at 45 degree angle, heels together, shoulders back, chest out, chin up), mark time mark (command to start marching in place), and then I'd count four for nothing which means they mark time for 4 counts, and then I'd count to 8 4 times for the block, forward-heel to toe, right-chest facing fowards, twisted hips, back-up on toes, left-twisted hips, facing foward and then after the last count of 8 I'd say 'plant' which means stop and mark time until I'd say 'ready halt' and then they shout '1 2' along with the beat they were marching to and they put the left foot out on 1 and then the right foot out on 2 to make the 45 degree angle again. I thought it was pretty cool because almost all of the freshmen were very cooperative.
There's one girl (Anna Koshak) that's going to give me problems but I'm going to spend some individual time with her so she isn't embarassed about not getting it right away and so she'll have a better feel for marching. My mom was there fitting the new freshmen for uniforms and every one was trying them on when she asked and she asked this girl, Anna Koshak and she vehemently said No and completely shocked my mom. Then I had an attendance for my section and 7 people have never come to either of the 2 practices so far and 3 have only come once, so of my entire section only 9 have attended both of the practices, including me. My section didn't place because, from the mouth of Zunker a couple of them were out of step although I saw people from the first team that placed (the flutes) that were out of step, one girl went the wrong way even. My section stayed in the lines, had spirit, turned right every time, shouted the responses perfectly, rolled their steps, stayed on their toes going backwards, and looked pretty uniformed. I think we didn't make it because it was only 9 people marching as compared to the huge flute section so Zunker had his eyes busy looking over the flute section while it was pretty easy to pick out one mistake in the clarinets.
Well I'm just happy my section is so wonderful and I'm trying to impress upon them every chance I get that the band is just a big, happy family and we're always there for each other. I think once the year gets started and they see the comradery amongst all of the band students they'll just fall right into place. Marci, Katie, and me are constantly joking with them so they're comfortable and not afraid of us like we were our freshman year because we didn't know anything but we learned and I know that they will because they are very bright and seem to have a lot of devotion for the program. They seem to like us all a lot and they're very friendly in return. Ahhh, one of the few things that brings a smile to my face right now. Tomorrow I'm going half an hour early to work with one of the girls, Teresa because I called her and asked her if she wanted any help because she looked flustered and couldn't quite grasp it. She was more than overjoyed and thanked me for offering the help. I also called Anna but no one answered even after I called about 3 times. I don't think she'd be open to the help anyway because I tried to help her during practice and she just acted like I was yelling at her although I made it perfectly clear that I just wanted to help her. Well I'm going to go. This is long enough already.
Mandy ~ 7:23 PM