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Thursday, September 30, 2004
Something Stretches the Band that Breaks
I've noticed many things since school has started. Zunker who started as meek and mild is turning to tendancies used previously by our former band instructor... quite a few people have noticed it and one in particular is getting the brunt of it. Who this person is I will not disclose only that it is not me. It seems not a whole lot is happening to bring the show together. All that is happening is happening because single people wish their parts to be learned. I've been trying very hard to memorize the music and I only glance at the 2nd and 3rd songs a couple of times out of comfort. I have also found out that lies have been said... but I won't accuse because I don't need the shit from those who will blindly defend what I know is true.
School has been ok but stressful. I feel so detatched and yet, I'm making friends in people I never thought I could ever get along with... someone in particular in my 4th hour class has been very friendly and I won't demean his advances of some sort of acquaintence or lesser friendship just because someone who means a lot to me doesn't especially get along with him.
About feeling detatched... I realize every day I go to school that I'm there and I'm doing the motions but I just don't feel anything. It's just like I'm a little obediant clone at the teachers' commands and whenever they demand I do this or that I'm like their little wind up robot. I wonder when my cord will break and they will find out I'm not just another little one under their control out of wishes for good grades. I merely conform because it is the easiest, least guiltful way to deal with everything.
Someone else on the other hand is upset with me for not being her twin for twin day. Yet I think to myself and believe in the truth that she only wanted to be my twin out of being named 'the Marquardt Twins' and having to live up to the name? Of that I know I mean little to nothing else to her as of recently, or that's just how I feel because of how she's been treating me. Throw me away to pick me up another day. I also realize she has a lot on her plate and I wouldn't have only deducted that from her 15 or so paragraph blogger so much as I've easedropped unobviously throughout these past few weeks. It's easier to let her do her thing so today I was Job's twin instead of hers and I guess it upset her but Job was being pretty stubborn about it last night on the phone. So through his relentlessness I gave in because I knew if I showed up today as Kate's twin he would've been extremely upset. Now I sit here waiting for Job to call I get impatient and call and... Josh answers. Second to last time I called and Josh answered (without Job being there) I ended up talking to Josh for over half an hour, which was of a major suprise to me. Oh well, just getting to know the inlaws...
I've noticed many things since school has started. Zunker who started as meek and mild is turning to tendancies used previously by our former band instructor... quite a few people have noticed it and one in particular is getting the brunt of it. Who this person is I will not disclose only that it is not me. It seems not a whole lot is happening to bring the show together. All that is happening is happening because single people wish their parts to be learned. I've been trying very hard to memorize the music and I only glance at the 2nd and 3rd songs a couple of times out of comfort. I have also found out that lies have been said... but I won't accuse because I don't need the shit from those who will blindly defend what I know is true.
School has been ok but stressful. I feel so detatched and yet, I'm making friends in people I never thought I could ever get along with... someone in particular in my 4th hour class has been very friendly and I won't demean his advances of some sort of acquaintence or lesser friendship just because someone who means a lot to me doesn't especially get along with him.
About feeling detatched... I realize every day I go to school that I'm there and I'm doing the motions but I just don't feel anything. It's just like I'm a little obediant clone at the teachers' commands and whenever they demand I do this or that I'm like their little wind up robot. I wonder when my cord will break and they will find out I'm not just another little one under their control out of wishes for good grades. I merely conform because it is the easiest, least guiltful way to deal with everything.
Someone else on the other hand is upset with me for not being her twin for twin day. Yet I think to myself and believe in the truth that she only wanted to be my twin out of being named 'the Marquardt Twins' and having to live up to the name? Of that I know I mean little to nothing else to her as of recently, or that's just how I feel because of how she's been treating me. Throw me away to pick me up another day. I also realize she has a lot on her plate and I wouldn't have only deducted that from her 15 or so paragraph blogger so much as I've easedropped unobviously throughout these past few weeks. It's easier to let her do her thing so today I was Job's twin instead of hers and I guess it upset her but Job was being pretty stubborn about it last night on the phone. So through his relentlessness I gave in because I knew if I showed up today as Kate's twin he would've been extremely upset. Now I sit here waiting for Job to call I get impatient and call and... Josh answers. Second to last time I called and Josh answered (without Job being there) I ended up talking to Josh for over half an hour, which was of a major suprise to me. Oh well, just getting to know the inlaws...
Mandy ~ 6:37 PM