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Wednesday, October 26, 2005
The Paragon of Everything I am Not
Chris wonders why I up Katie so much by talking about her and how gorgeous she is and everything... Idk, maybe I can't see her life but the grass is greener on the other side? It's not that I want Kt because I don't, well not like that at least. I just wished I had some better attributes like her... She's so smart and pretty and even if she says she isn't, she appears to be completely confident in who she is.
We had another essay in Eng Comp today and nothing was registering. Nothing, I couldn't even make sense of the story that Lois read. It didn't even sound like English. I'm so tired and not sleeping well and yes, Kaitlin hate me now, extremely and entirely depressed but I can handle it on my own, right? It's what I've always done... acted cheery and pleasant and sobbed in the shower and other enclosed, secret places. It's the way I kept friends because I don't keep friends by bitching about my meaningless life.
Anyway, I couldn't compose a single thought that wasn't in jumbled verse so I took my torment elsewhere, specifically downstairs into the bathroom where I started crying, next when I was on the walkway where I continued crying, then when I got up to drawing class when others saw my face, my tears and Tommy and Steph smothered me and I cried some more, walked into class and saw my backpack wasn't a sufficient marker of what desk I'd chosen, grabbed it and ran while crying, went into the bathroom again, cried, walked outside on the far path that took me to the parking lot and cried while I walked across to the other path that led back around to the front of the AT and then I walked down the road to the UTC and past the hot guy that has no significance from my Eng class, went upstairs, saw Teresa, made her upset and then I continued to cry, called for my mom to pick me up, apologized that I wouldn't be in for workstudy and cried so that I had to go into the bathroom there and then sat out by the fireplace and waited and five minutes and two tour groups of new students later I decided showcasing myself wasn't helping so I left and starting walking to the entrance on the road and ran into my mom about 10 minutes after that where I, cried more.
take my torment
away, pay the rent
of a face
that fit in place
of my own
hide
what's shown
i cried
inside
fake happy
i lied
make null
that i'm not glee-
ful
So, forget about me.
Chris wonders why I up Katie so much by talking about her and how gorgeous she is and everything... Idk, maybe I can't see her life but the grass is greener on the other side? It's not that I want Kt because I don't, well not like that at least. I just wished I had some better attributes like her... She's so smart and pretty and even if she says she isn't, she appears to be completely confident in who she is.
We had another essay in Eng Comp today and nothing was registering. Nothing, I couldn't even make sense of the story that Lois read. It didn't even sound like English. I'm so tired and not sleeping well and yes, Kaitlin hate me now, extremely and entirely depressed but I can handle it on my own, right? It's what I've always done... acted cheery and pleasant and sobbed in the shower and other enclosed, secret places. It's the way I kept friends because I don't keep friends by bitching about my meaningless life.
Anyway, I couldn't compose a single thought that wasn't in jumbled verse so I took my torment elsewhere, specifically downstairs into the bathroom where I started crying, next when I was on the walkway where I continued crying, then when I got up to drawing class when others saw my face, my tears and Tommy and Steph smothered me and I cried some more, walked into class and saw my backpack wasn't a sufficient marker of what desk I'd chosen, grabbed it and ran while crying, went into the bathroom again, cried, walked outside on the far path that took me to the parking lot and cried while I walked across to the other path that led back around to the front of the AT and then I walked down the road to the UTC and past the hot guy that has no significance from my Eng class, went upstairs, saw Teresa, made her upset and then I continued to cry, called for my mom to pick me up, apologized that I wouldn't be in for workstudy and cried so that I had to go into the bathroom there and then sat out by the fireplace and waited and five minutes and two tour groups of new students later I decided showcasing myself wasn't helping so I left and starting walking to the entrance on the road and ran into my mom about 10 minutes after that where I, cried more.
take my torment
away, pay the rent
of a face
that fit in place
of my own
hide
what's shown
i cried
inside
fake happy
i lied
don't worry
about me
sorrymake null
that i'm not glee-
ful
So, forget about me.
Mandy ~ 1:18 PM