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Thursday, January 12, 2006
I Wonder...
How is it that I invite my friends to things and even when I'm not allowed to have any more people come to something *cough* like Job's party *cough* and I'm never invited anywhere in return? Oh well. I guess I shouldn't put myself out there because that's how you get hurt. I should just stick with Job. Who cares about having girls to hang out with? It's just that... idk, I've never really had any girl friends besides Jasmine and Suzie for short amounts of time, and both of them ended up moving away. All of my other girlfriends are just acquaintances that I just happen to talk to sometimes and at most maybe once a week? Guys have always been better friends to me. I'm beginning to remember one of the reasons I was shunning "friends" in the first place. Someone could say "well, we had it planned to just be us" and I could say "well, Job's party was supposed to only be couples and then, only because I'm nice, I let your friend come even though she wrote a mean comment about me and never apologized."
I hate being nice and I honestly can't do it anymore. No, I'm going to start taking care of myself more now that I've been... put down and left out.
I'm a toy
Under the bed
No longer enjoyed
I rest my head...
Disclaimer: I do not wish to start any crapola. These are my feelings and mine alone and although I take full responsibility for writing them, they are my feelings and I will not regret channeling them into words instead of tucking them away and pretending I'm ok.
P.S. If any of you get mad, I should not be punished for my feelings and that's how I became a human doormat in the first place (by being a slave to other's feelings) and I've even gotten advice from people who do walk on me to stand up for myself. This is MY blog and I can write whatever and whenever I want and that's why I have it and if it offends anyone (even though I have not mentioned specific names) then... it does. I'm no longer here to try to make everyone else, with the exception of myself happy. I'm done pleasing others at my own cost.
How is it that I invite my friends to things and even when I'm not allowed to have any more people come to something *cough* like Job's party *cough* and I'm never invited anywhere in return? Oh well. I guess I shouldn't put myself out there because that's how you get hurt. I should just stick with Job. Who cares about having girls to hang out with? It's just that... idk, I've never really had any girl friends besides Jasmine and Suzie for short amounts of time, and both of them ended up moving away. All of my other girlfriends are just acquaintances that I just happen to talk to sometimes and at most maybe once a week? Guys have always been better friends to me. I'm beginning to remember one of the reasons I was shunning "friends" in the first place. Someone could say "well, we had it planned to just be us" and I could say "well, Job's party was supposed to only be couples and then, only because I'm nice, I let your friend come even though she wrote a mean comment about me and never apologized."
I hate being nice and I honestly can't do it anymore. No, I'm going to start taking care of myself more now that I've been... put down and left out.
I'm a toy
Under the bed
No longer enjoyed
I rest my head...
Disclaimer: I do not wish to start any crapola. These are my feelings and mine alone and although I take full responsibility for writing them, they are my feelings and I will not regret channeling them into words instead of tucking them away and pretending I'm ok.
P.S. If any of you get mad, I should not be punished for my feelings and that's how I became a human doormat in the first place (by being a slave to other's feelings) and I've even gotten advice from people who do walk on me to stand up for myself. This is MY blog and I can write whatever and whenever I want and that's why I have it and if it offends anyone (even though I have not mentioned specific names) then... it does. I'm no longer here to try to make everyone else, with the exception of myself happy. I'm done pleasing others at my own cost.
Mandy ~ 10:49 PM