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Thursday, October 05, 2006
Why Have I Done This?
Dane... Who the hell do you think you are? You think you can just weasle your way into my life the way you did and then even more so becomming... my boyfriend and then the guy I turned to in need. In need of... love, acceptance... He gave it to me freely. I don't know how he said he had a wall up because I felt no such thing. I only felt his heart beating fast when I laid my head on his chest. I thought it was going to break through his rib cage and devour me. Then he tells me it's over today... It was a mutual agreement I guess. We both had our doubts because of, guess what, RELIGION. When he was with me he never held himself back in thought or action and there were actually times I had to hold him back for himself and regardless of how much I would've rather continued I knew it wasn't right for him. He has the moral belief I held over 2 years ago before I gave that to Job and I don't regret it. I don't regret trying to go out with Dane for 3 days and then breaking up only to be drawn back together a day later and have a few weeks of something else without a title. To just be held by him... and he just messaged me this on myspace...
"Subject:
Odd Feeling...........
This just happens to be the first time I have ever made a choice that I thaught was right but feels so wrong. I feel that I have been so dishonest with you about everthing but the whole time I was being as honest as I could be. If I had never met you there would be an emptyness. You made me happy and made me laugh and I hope the same can go for you. Please continue to smile because a smile from you makes any day ten times better. If you want me to stay away I will but to be completly truthfull you are one of the most wonderfull people I know. In the end I am left with a werid felling of emptyness that hopefully will fill with somthing. I know one thing that will fill it but that is no longer obtainable and I truly no longer wish to fill it with anything.
-Your Loving Friend Dane
This is me after five hours of calculus and a severe case of sleep deprivation. If this makes no sense dont worry it dosnt to me ether. "
*sigh*
Regardless we all know one thing after reading that... The boy can't spell to save his life. I don't know... Two days ago we walked out on the island at Nicolet and it was gorgeous... We needed to walk back but we only made it halfway, I walked through some marsh and Dane sat on the shore and he pulled me down next to him and then his lap after I thought it was wet. We stared out on the lake and he just held me. The silence is never awkward and every now and then he'll kiss my hair or cheek and my heart feels like it's going to explode. I've never felt this way before. I'm building my wall back up although it's not working too well.
Dane... Who the hell do you think you are? You think you can just weasle your way into my life the way you did and then even more so becomming... my boyfriend and then the guy I turned to in need. In need of... love, acceptance... He gave it to me freely. I don't know how he said he had a wall up because I felt no such thing. I only felt his heart beating fast when I laid my head on his chest. I thought it was going to break through his rib cage and devour me. Then he tells me it's over today... It was a mutual agreement I guess. We both had our doubts because of, guess what, RELIGION. When he was with me he never held himself back in thought or action and there were actually times I had to hold him back for himself and regardless of how much I would've rather continued I knew it wasn't right for him. He has the moral belief I held over 2 years ago before I gave that to Job and I don't regret it. I don't regret trying to go out with Dane for 3 days and then breaking up only to be drawn back together a day later and have a few weeks of something else without a title. To just be held by him... and he just messaged me this on myspace...
"Subject:
Odd Feeling...........
This just happens to be the first time I have ever made a choice that I thaught was right but feels so wrong. I feel that I have been so dishonest with you about everthing but the whole time I was being as honest as I could be. If I had never met you there would be an emptyness. You made me happy and made me laugh and I hope the same can go for you. Please continue to smile because a smile from you makes any day ten times better. If you want me to stay away I will but to be completly truthfull you are one of the most wonderfull people I know. In the end I am left with a werid felling of emptyness that hopefully will fill with somthing. I know one thing that will fill it but that is no longer obtainable and I truly no longer wish to fill it with anything.
-Your Loving Friend Dane
This is me after five hours of calculus and a severe case of sleep deprivation. If this makes no sense dont worry it dosnt to me ether. "
*sigh*
Regardless we all know one thing after reading that... The boy can't spell to save his life. I don't know... Two days ago we walked out on the island at Nicolet and it was gorgeous... We needed to walk back but we only made it halfway, I walked through some marsh and Dane sat on the shore and he pulled me down next to him and then his lap after I thought it was wet. We stared out on the lake and he just held me. The silence is never awkward and every now and then he'll kiss my hair or cheek and my heart feels like it's going to explode. I've never felt this way before. I'm building my wall back up although it's not working too well.
Mandy ~ 9:42 PM