Who I Am
These are my true thoughts...
My Past
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
Favorite Websites
albinoblacksheep.com
www.myspace.com
www.ebaumsworld.com
Credits of the Creator
Take a look at this & other blog designs @ Blogskins.com
Picture found @ Digital Blasphemy
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Over a Month, Under Constraint
Freedom... I don't have it. Kait invited me to hang out with her and her friends tonight and it doesn't sound like a bad idea. Why do I wait thinking I'm going to be doing something with the same person? I shouldn't wait around. I should just go out and have fun. I shouldn't be expected to just wait around. This is how I lose my friends. I cancel going to parties with them, ignore them, and focus on one person. If a friend did that to me I'd back off as well. It's understandable... are those not all signs that a person wants to be left alone?
Why do I get stuck in the same ruts? Doing the same things I've already been hurt by and learned from? I'm just getting idioticly depressed again. I've no reason to be depressed. I'm not in debt, I have all the freedom to do what I want... I could do anything I wanted to right now. Anything.
The only thing that hinders freedom is yourself... I could cheat on Dane but I can't live with the guilt, I could move to Cali but I don't want to leave my friends and family, I could go out and party every night but I'm afraid of killing myself, I can drop out of school forever but I'm afraid that will limit my abilities, I could become a prostitute but I couldn't live with being alone. I can do so many things but my fear of losing the ones I love for such temporary benefits outweigh those freedoms. What is freedom but what you've already chosen?
People can influence your opinions, your choices, but when it comes to making them you can't claim the bible drove you to murder someone simply because it's in a passage... the most you can do is plead insanity and live in the local looney bin for the rest of your life and if you aren't insane... that's not the easy way out. Sometimes chosing options that you think are giving you freedom are actually closing other doors and hindering your future options. The only thing is foresight isn't so much like it's predacessor, sadly, but at the same time, would you want it to be?
I can only look back at where I've been for insight into the future because we all know, history repeats itself. So tell me, how is it the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 10th, 20th... times around we still don't see it until we're in the midst of it again back on the hindsight of deja vu thinking "I've done it again". Can we truly help ourselves?
Freedom... I don't have it. Kait invited me to hang out with her and her friends tonight and it doesn't sound like a bad idea. Why do I wait thinking I'm going to be doing something with the same person? I shouldn't wait around. I should just go out and have fun. I shouldn't be expected to just wait around. This is how I lose my friends. I cancel going to parties with them, ignore them, and focus on one person. If a friend did that to me I'd back off as well. It's understandable... are those not all signs that a person wants to be left alone?
Why do I get stuck in the same ruts? Doing the same things I've already been hurt by and learned from? I'm just getting idioticly depressed again. I've no reason to be depressed. I'm not in debt, I have all the freedom to do what I want... I could do anything I wanted to right now. Anything.
The only thing that hinders freedom is yourself... I could cheat on Dane but I can't live with the guilt, I could move to Cali but I don't want to leave my friends and family, I could go out and party every night but I'm afraid of killing myself, I can drop out of school forever but I'm afraid that will limit my abilities, I could become a prostitute but I couldn't live with being alone. I can do so many things but my fear of losing the ones I love for such temporary benefits outweigh those freedoms. What is freedom but what you've already chosen?
People can influence your opinions, your choices, but when it comes to making them you can't claim the bible drove you to murder someone simply because it's in a passage... the most you can do is plead insanity and live in the local looney bin for the rest of your life and if you aren't insane... that's not the easy way out. Sometimes chosing options that you think are giving you freedom are actually closing other doors and hindering your future options. The only thing is foresight isn't so much like it's predacessor, sadly, but at the same time, would you want it to be?
I can only look back at where I've been for insight into the future because we all know, history repeats itself. So tell me, how is it the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 10th, 20th... times around we still don't see it until we're in the midst of it again back on the hindsight of deja vu thinking "I've done it again". Can we truly help ourselves?
Mandy ~ 8:38 PM